destruction of monotony....times 3

my day was pretty monotonous until after school. i went to meet erin in college park adn chill for a while. we chilled and had mucho fun. then we went to emmas house and chilled there for a while. then andrew, kenny, and lauren came over and more chillin began. we watched cant hardly wait. thats a pretty good movie. and i got to see erin so that was suuuper fun :) the past like week has been so great. ive just happy constantly and its wonderful. i have nothing more to say. im happier than ive ever been :) excelleant

randy rhodes gives my ears orgasms.....makalaka - for one to return to a place to find somethign once lost

"we're dancin, amd laughin, were singin songs, the skyline is glowign it turns her on. my body is burning on her skin, my new your woman"

today rocked quite hard. i went to erins around 1 and was there until almost 10. we watched movies hehe and then walked to college park. we ate pizza and ice cream and got american pie to watch. then we walked home in the rain and sand and skipped and laguhed. :) we got soaked. it was soo much fun though. so im wearing erins clothes. quite nice and smells of her :) then we watched american pie. its such a funny movie and embarassing and gross. but good none the less. then um. i dont know. we talked alot today. it was cool. cuddling is the best thing ever. i think this weekend was liek one of the best ive ever had. i cant stop smiling. its the best. and and. i dont know its all going really good. im super happy. so i think im gonna go eat. and yeah. sleep some eventually. makalaka.

well i wrote in here last night but fucking blogger sucks so it didnt post it. i wrote a lot too. oh well. last night was the time out of line reunion show. we rocked hard even though we didnt play our best. but the energy was fuckin insane. then in the last song i broke not one, or two, but all fucking four of my bass strings. i dont even know how that happened. people were like "whoa what happened?!" adn i looked at it in disbelief. erin came to the show so that was mucho fun cos shes finally seen us and its always great when shes around. then theres was brandon jeff sarah angie andrew kanney laura lauren and more but i cant remember cos im tired. i was soo tired last night. i didnt get home til 1. and after a big show i wasnt in the mood to carry all my shit out of andrews car but meh. apparently in the car ride to the show, some people were talking about how annoyingly perfect i was. i think in a good way. but still i dont know. i dont want to be perfect. i dont want to be on some elevated level. i want to be equal. i dont know. whatever. today im gonna have to clean alot. i have nothing to do. im soo bored. i got nothing planned (hint hint) maybe ill ride my biek and take some pictures. i wanna do somethign with erin, but i think shes gonna get sick of seeing me so much. and shes busy with some guys today. but tomorrow i think ill see her so thatll be fun. meh. no one will ever know my thoughts of last night. well except the one person i talked to about it. but no one else. mwahaha. im still hungry. im off.

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.
—Lord Acton

hm...well lord acton is right. too much power will corrupt anyone eventually. even the best of men. say it aint so. im tired. im gonna take a nap after i post this. but yesterday was mucho fun. i got a hair cut which was a nice change. no more purple though. ill dye it pink next. then i saw erin :) and jeff and andrew and sarah and emma. it was great fun. we just walked around college park for a while. i got 3 cds. it seems i always get cds when i go to college park. well anyway i got the matrix sound track($7) bad religion($8) and weezer: blue album($9)....see a pattern? oh well i like patterns so i noticed it. but meh. theyre very good cds. i wish kirby would be caught. its the second time hes eaten the peanuts and somehow gotten away. i dont know how he does it. meh. ill get that little bugger one of these days. ok i need sleep. i...i....eye....

"if he gets up....we'll all get up.....itll be anarchy!"

ok, i was way too tired to try and write anything in here last night. i had a big day. first i woke up around 12 which rocked quite hard since ive been havbing trouble sleeping late these days. then i talked to erin and got a ride over to her house to chill. then a bunch of people came over, jeff james annie, andrew, lauren, and i think that was it.we just chilled for a while. then we watched the breakfast club. i had to leave halfway through it though cos i had band practice. i rode my bike from adelphi to university park. nice long ride. sorta. it was a good practice for the most part. we played our set and did pretty well. then i rode my bike back to my house and got a ride back to erins. then we all chilled some more. they are my favoritest people to hang out with. i alwyas have soo much fun. and i nvere get bored. so wonderful. best of all i got to see erin for long amounts of time for like 4 days in a row. that made me very happy. eventually i went home. no it is today and school was meh. first period i made up a math test and got one wrong. this shit we're doing is so fucking easy and it annoys me. my teached gose through shit sooo slow. were behind everyone else i know. it sucks. it sucks cos a 4.0 doesnt mean shit a my school. at least to me. i do noo fucking work. and i still get A's. everyone else gets .50 and shit. i dont get it. whatever at least im not failing so thats good. but second period i filmed some more of my video. its starting to go a little slower. im hoping itll pick up one we get all the footage and make the master tape. i think itll turn out pretty good anyway. we'll see. chem is just chem. nohting special. and german is quite boring. the i left. ive been tryin to catch kirby since yesterday. i put out a box with some food in it. that little bugger at the fooded and dipped. i was perturbed. i think ill get a bigger box that he cant escape from. he came back to my room some time last night cos i heard him scurrying around. someday ill get him and ill teach him tricks. itll be great fun. hm...friday is far away. i dont get to see someone until then :( poo... well im off to catch kirby and take a nap possibly. dont worry ill catchy you. i wouldnt trade anything, youre still my everything...

"every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure. i dont want to close my eyes. i dont want to fall asleep cos ill miss you babe, and i dont wanna miss a thing. cos even when i dream of you the sweetest dream will never do. i still miss you babe and i dont wanna miss a thing."

well im feeling damn good. my day was excellant. i cleaned a bunch and im gonna order some shirts and stuff tomorrow. then. oh man then i rode my bike to erins house. we watched the neverending story one(very good) , 2(not so good) and watership down,(excellant) then we basically just say around and talked and listened to music and partook other miscellaneous activites. it was a total of 9 hours of pure wonderfulness. she makes me the happiest person in the entire world. so that was my day. it filled up the entire thing. it was great. now i gotta work on catching kirby. that little mouse is gonna be all mine and im gonna take him places with me. be careful you dont let the walls eat your cup cakes.

well i had a really good day yesterday despite being depressed later on. i hate my parents but whatever. i went to school around 10:30 cos i didnt get up until really late. i took my time getting ready and missed all of first period and got there just as lunch started so that was very good. then i filmed some more of my project and edited a bunch of it. that was fun except that it was hot as shit outside. then it rained alot and i walked to the metro to go to roosevelt. when i got to the greenbelt metro, both R12 buses got there. go me picking the wrong one. but meh i got on the right one eventually. then i got to roosevelt and me and erin walked to jesse's house for his birthday party. it was great cos i hadnt seen erin since...um yesterday, but still it was great :) jesse is one super cool dude. a bunch of people just hung out there for a while. a bunch also spent the night. but not me of course not cos my parents are bitches. its like they dont even trust me even after all the shit i told them and how nice ive been to them. oh well. over all the day was good. and im feeling a lot better than i did yesterday. so its all good. i hope i get to see erin today. and possibly all the other people i absolutely love hanging out with. we'll see. everything is pretty peachy now. so im happy.

im dying tomorrow...no self worth...

tired cascading of happy

what did i do yesterday? ate chinese food. school was just school and sucked as usual. well i got two tickets to the new found glory show with piebald and further seems forever. i was soo glad. me and erin went. goddamn it was fuckin awesome show. one of the best ive been to in a long time. my pants got really ripped. but it was all good cos i got to be with erin the whole ngiht and hold her tight and sing along to songs and dance together. it makes me ever so happy. before that we just walked aroudn college park in the rain and thunder. not much rain though. we ended up in record exchange and just looked around and talked and stuff. then went to the park and talked and chilled. then to the show.i got a pieblad cd. its really good. i think its the newest one. i ate the rest of my chinese food. and im planning out how to get kirby to live semi-tamed in my room. i have some ideas but im too tired to explain. my brain capacity shrunk. today during chemistry we got to burn ions and look at the pretty colors. it was very nice. we hda to use HCl. god that stuff smells. i got a few good wiffs of it just cos it kept smoking. it made my nose hurt and i was light headed and couldnt concentrate for a while. that prolly wasnt good. oh and our classroom filled with gas at one point. also not good. but it was a fun lab. today was an awesome day. seeing erin always boosts everything super much better. i prolly forgot a lot of stuff i wanted to puit in there but i have an excuse. i got the guitarist of new found glory to sign my shoe. remember kirby, keep your fur nice and neat

who controls the past, controls the future. who controls the present, controls the past....

today was a good day overall. the school day was pretty boring and just meh. me and this guy in my TVP 2 class are filimg a new found glory video. basically i get to play guitar a lot and go outside during class. its fun. so i got home and got online of course. then i took some pictures of andrews amp he's building for his RP. it sucks cos the pictures that mattered are the ones that didnt turn out very well. :( then i went to emma's house where emma and erin were chillin. we just hung around until 8 and walked to java head. it was ok. not many people were there. but then jesse played. hes soooo good. i love his voice. and everytime i see him it makes me want to be in a band with him more and more. then we frolicked in the field and under the bridge at the U of M. it was fun for the most part. hopefully i can get tickets to the new found glory concert from a certain someone. that would be so awesome. and now i am home. ive been listening to the mix tape erin made for me alot. its soo good. i finall have all these songs i like all in one space. wuite good. i dont know. on a different note, i regret lots of the things i did in the past. i did a plethora of idiotic things. i dont know if i regret them really, but if i could do them over id prolly do them differently. i have so much experience as it is. some of which i wish i didnt have. whatever. i cant change it so i might as well make the best of it and live with it. using it to make better decisions. which i have been doing more lately. i havent been dumb. im glad. im happy. except for old regrets. but that doesnt make me less happy. so its all good. im gonna catch kirby and tame him and put him in a little bed next to mine.

good old kirby eating my floor and crawling through my walls

yesterday i eventually found something to do. i went to college park with james, jeff, erin, and annie. it was lots of fun. we ate chinese food and ice cream. then walked around a bit and went to "emma's" park. we played around there with sticks and tennis balls. then we put coins on the tracks and made some cool sandwhiches. it was nice. then we all went home. oh oh. and erin gave me a mix tape for my birthday. its sooo good :) thursday there is a new found glory/pie bald/ further seems forever show at 930 club. i sooo hope i can go. i really need to get tickets. but im soo seeing the get up kids in june. last night there was a mouse in my room. he kept gnawing on stuff and rustling papers and i couldnt sleep. it sucked. he was cute and brown though so i couldnt too mad. i eventually got to sleep around 2:30ish. it sucked. school was just boring. im making a mix tape for erin and i did lots of work on that today so that was cool. im kinda in a weird mood. not grumpy but just meh. prolly cos i got no sleep last night. oh well. maybe ill take a nap or something. i need some cheering up. i think my day will get better though. as long as i listen to good musics and tune the other shit out ill be fine. and when i say tune out. its not really like supressing. its just like i let my sub concious and stuff deal with it and figure it out while i have fun. it works pretty well too. whatever. im gone. say hi to ray for me.

if septemeber + 5 = purple, then april + 6 = orange

today will hopefully be full of something to do. i dont want to just sit around all day. woke up around 11:15 today to eat cake with the neighbors who are close family friends. and the guy happens to be the chief of police. oh well. it was fun. therye good people. they gave me $75 which was totally unexpected. i dont what ill use it for. probably for getting my fix of music. maye to get camera accessories liek new lenses. thatd be cool. maybe a telephoto. those are always nice. i dont want to go back to school and deal with quantum physics shit. its liek the easist part but even the teacher has a tought time explaining it. oh well. its a good challenge and it feels good when you figure it out. so i guess it all works out. im glad im happy. despite all the sadness i see and thats around me im incredibly happy. i havent been this happy in a long long time. many moons. drinkin my coke and eatin my chips and sittin on my ass. what fun. ive been abiding by my "meaning of life", if it can be called that, for the most part. i guess its more of a philosophy. oh well. ive been living, loving laughing, and thinking. dreaming. being me. doing what i want to do with myself. being who i want to be. things are going very well. climb the ladder. its not too far away little bunny.

happiness

finally the blogger works!! im so tired and hungry. i spent a lot of the day with erin again :) i met people at coconut's cos they were supposed to be havgin a going out of business sale, but theyre dumb and arent gonan have it anymore. so me, erin, jeff, and emily went to record exchange and got cds. i got get up kids, alkaline trio and hot water music split cd thing, weezer, and smash mouth($1). then we walked up to cdepot. and i got an unwritten law cd. its ok. so over all a good music gathering day. then emily left and me erin and jeff walked the long ass way to erins house and watched high fidelity. such a good movie. eventually sarah annie and james arrived and we just chilled at erins which is always fun. then i came home and am sittin around listening to music talkin online and scanning pictures to put on my yahoo thing. ive been fooling around wiht my camera alot and its fun. i cant wait to develop the pictures. yay erin :) so wonderful and everythings still great. it feels great. please keep your hands and arms inside the cubicle at all times.

bliss....over-joyed.....totally righteous tubular radical bodacious.....cowabunga dude

today was awesome. it was the best birthday ive ever had. around 2 i went to erins house and i was there until 11:30. man i had soo much fun. i played songs. i chilled with erin for a bit then jeff and sarah came and they gave me fake money, a bouncy thing to sit on, midol, an indian, an american flag to stick to a window, and flowers. :) all of which they found by the side of the road. then lauren came, and then jesse came and then christa came, kenny and andrew and james showed up too. hanging out wiht all them is always fun. so great so great. and i got a camera for my birthday. a nice one. so tomorrow if i figure out how to work it (it has crazy ass more buttons than ive ever seen) ill take lots of pictures. and tomorrow im gonna go to the cd store cos of the sale. so much music. im gonna get wasted off that shit. haha. and man. ill see erin and jeff and andrew and mayeb james and possibly other people i hope. : ) so happy. erin is so wonderfully awesome. one righteuous babe hehe : ) she makes me ever so happy. and i spent most of the day with her and it was sooo fun. man today was just great all around. its only been a week. and it seems like forever. radicalness. dont drop your air conditioner out of the window. it might break.

september + 5 = purple

i love not having school. its so relaxing. i got to sleep late today. it was soo nice. then i cleaned alot of my house. and that felt good to get it done. then i went to band practice and we wrote a fuckin kick ass song. i came home and rode my bike to hollywood videos and got breakfast club, final fantasy, and ferris buller's(sp) day out. then rode to erins and house : ) we only watched the first two but they were very very good. today was very short. didnt really do alot of thinking. except how happy i am and how goodly things are going. its weird cos i finally feel like a "normal" teenager person. its really hard to explain . ive wanted to be one for the longest time. i dont know why. ive always wanted to do things a typical high school person would do. ive been in high school for two years and im just starting to feel it. oh well. im weird, fuck it. its nice. everythings goin great now and im lovin it. erin makes me every so very happy. my band got back together and were playin a show soon. i love playin shows. and things are great. friday, i guess today is my 16th birthday. i feel all old and experienced. haha right. im gettin a camera soon so i can take lots of pictures. itll rock. im tired. i think ill go to bed sometime eventually. phwew the mousie didnt get squished. beware the claw.

capitilization is over-rated. well maybe just cos i never use capitals. oh well

yesterday was a superly excellant day. school was kinda meh. and chem made my head hurt cos my teacher made me and this other guy do the "easy" beginning stuff of quantum physics. she never teaches her students that and got a bit confused tryin to show us what to do. that was the only eventful part of the school day. after school i went to beltway plaza and met erin and we saw resident evil. it was a pretty good movie. i liked it alot. grr to stupid movie staff guy yellin at us. after the movie it was 7 and still light out. crazy day light savings. we called jeff and he was at roosevelt so we went there. going back to school didnt go over well. but we say jeff and emily and lauren and walked around and stuff. me and erin got "lost" in the field. then we founf jeff and people ad went to eat ice cream. theeeeeen went to andrews house for a little bit. i really wish i could spend the night at peoples houses but my parents are assholes. tomorrow is my birthday yaay. i want to do something. like just hang out with a bunch of good friends. that sall i really want to do. then on saturday im gonna go with a bunch of people to cd store sale. hooray for music. girls music food. thats what i think about. i gotta do a lot of cleaning today. alot. but hopefully ill be done and hopefully people will want to do stuff today cos i dont want to sit around my house this whole 4 day weekend. dont get the t-virus....

dont touch the third rail little mousie!!!

got back around 12:50. goddamn that dashboard show was sooooooooo good. the anniversary was damn good. but dashboard. the energy was overpowering. everyone in the room singing along, him with his band rockin the shit out of songs. a few times i just closed my eyes and drifted off into my own little world with all that music pumping through me literally. it was the best show ive been to in my life. during best deceptionsi called erin cos she really lieks that song, but i couldnt tell if she was there or not so i just put my phone up anyway. as it turns out, it was her machine, but she still got it. : ) it was like a giant sing along. everyone in the place was singing and it was awesomely cool. he played all the really good songs. best deceptions, the places you have come to fear, brilliant dance, turpetine chaser, ender will save us all, screaming infidelities, saints and sailors and a fuck load of other ones. it was a long ass set and i didnt get out of there until 12. by the end of the show my ears were fuckin drunk as shit. i couldnt take anymore music. they were throwing up i guess. they felt so strange. it was an excellant feeling though. of ecstatic contentment and jubilation. incredible show. i got a dashboard shirt. on the way there at the metro station, i saw a cute little mouse running around by the tracks. i hope he didnt get smushed. the walk home, or more like run cos i wanted to get online, was very quiet. theres no one out at 1 oclock on a tuesday night. whod have thought? im exhausted. i can forsee a skipping first period at least and sleeping in. it doesnt matter cos we're in between quarters and were not doing anything tomorrow. and tomorrow after school is gonna be quite nice : ) everything is so great. im so happy. erin makes me unbelievably happy, and music makes me almost as unbelievably happy and life is going super fucking great. im diggin it. wonderful. i will hopefully see the get up kids at the 930 club in june. i should buy tickets and tell people to buy tickets soon so they dont get sold out. : ) beware the roaring river of harmonies rushing towards you. they can be dangerous. be ready, listen.

oh yeah i forgot. music fuckin rocks harder than anything can ever manage. and im gonna see dashboard tomorrow. that makes me lots happier. and i just thought about erin. so even more happier. and now im in a good mood. rock on : ) aaaand sarah just informed me that "time out of line shall be resurrected in my basement" yaaay. im so happy. ive been in need of a show for the longest time. god im so happy. i went forma crappy day to fuckin awesome one in like 30 minutes. crazy. good old alkaline trio. rockin them out. i gotta have a family b-day thing sometime this weekend. and then theres its academic shit on saturday apparently. i really doubt ill go to that. oh well. happy. : ) erin: ) yay.

"will you be my valentine, if im a world away?"

well my day started out pretty good. then it just got worse. my finger hurts alot. like my nail got clipped a little too far and its a really annoying pain. then my book bag zipper came off and i couldnt get it back on. then my haedphones stopped working on one side. but it came back every few seconds, ruining the music. it was poo. but now im gonna take a nap and then goto family counseling. what fun. oh well. im sure my day will pick up. it already has since school's out. im feelin better already. it needs to be wednesday after school right now. i need to do my work. im falling all behind in school cos we have a sub in chem, so we have work, but i never turn it in or dont do it. oh well, i have no problem with not getting a 4.0. i wish i never had cos now parents will be all mad if i get anything less. ah well. maybe ill do better than i think. i cant wait til friday. im gonna get my new camera for my birthday and ill hopefully do stuff with people. then thursday and saturday. i wanna do lots of stuff over this four day weekend. itll be fun : ) dont let the walls hit you.

the guitar ate my cd

sleep ensued and i awoke with little sleep. i cant sleep past 10 oclock anymore. i think im broken. i mixed lucky charms and wheaties energy crunch together. it was actually pretty good. then i showered and cleaned. band practice was ok i guess. i really wish we'd play out old songs more but whatever. i want to be in another band. i wanna play time oet of lines old stuff when we break up and shit. maybe with jesse and steve stavely. ill have to see. i want to be in a kinda punk band. with pop mixed in and just damn goodness. andrew has a copy of my band's cd and he played it while i was there and everybody reaally liked it. they were liek whoa thats you?? i was so happy. i really like all the roosevelt people i know and hang out with. theyre all so cool. especially that erin : ) well after band practice i went to andrew's house for his birthday dinner and stuff. i got there but no one else was there except erin so me and her just talked for a bit until people got there. then we chilled for a bit and went to friendly's. then we went home to drew's and chilled some more. erin makes me so so happy : ) now im listeing to really good music and eating and talkin to erin. my favorite thigns to do. in there are the three things guys think about, well at least the guys i know. food, girls, and music. rockin stuff. time flys when youre having fun under a blanket...; ) ; )

today. today was excellant. very very good. i woke up around 9:30 which sucks cos thats only 9 hours of sleep and i was really tired today. then i wandered aimlessly around my house eating along the way, singing songs, playing chords. then i went to galina's house for her birthday party. it was kinda weird just cos there werent very many people there when i got there. then james jeff and andrew and sarah arrived. it was fun. then erin came : ) mucho funo. we went to college park and went to cd store and tcby to get cake. i got a 48 cd holder. yaaay. more room for all my drugs. drugs being music. i got the old new found glory cd. its really good. then we went to the park and chilled for a while. then sat around galina's basement for a while just talking and doin random stuff. fun fun fun. the show we went to wasnt very good. it had its moments. but it just wasnt vrey good. and i dont like moshpits. like i dont know they just dont appeal to me. especially when its just random moshing to non-mosh music. oh well. i <3 erin : ) : ) happy hapy happy. get up kids. rock. trevor. tired. good ol' cold pizza. i love it. well i should get rest. damn daylight savings time. i lose an hour. damnit, oh well. dont drop the ocean.

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin muzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust form entering along with him." opening line to 1984

i just dropped a box of crackers into a pan full of grease or fat or something. its really gross. it was all gooey and dripping off the box. raunch.

"My interest is in the future...because I'm going to spend the rest of my life there." - Charles Kettering

dinner of half a pizza, a 2 liter bottle of coke, a waffle, and a pop tart

: ) today was a great day. didnt do much work in school. had fun just hanging around in school today. i skipped a bunch of second period. i just walked around and sent a message to erins phone. text messages are so fun. im gonna have to pay lots of money for all of them i keep sending. oh well. i came home and just sat around my house listening to musci and semi-napping. then i went to coffee house at roosevelt. it really wasnt very good but there were a few that i liked. more great stuff happened near the end : ) and then a few people went over to andrew's house. we sat around there and talked for a while. then i got picked up. now im sitting in front of this screen typing my life for all to read. tonight is the second night in a row that the song im listening to has made me cry. but like a happy cry. its a sad song, but its just so damn good that it makes me cry. its what ive been looking for for the longest time. its wonderful. im a rebel dottie, a rebel. tomorrow im going to galina's little birthday party thingy shes having with a bunch of friends. i was really happy she asked me to come. i wish i could make everyone i care about happy. it hurts when theyre sad and when i cant do anythign about it i feel horrible. and i feel bad when im all happy and things are goind great, but one of my friend's are down. i want to help. and sometimes i just dont know what to do. if only i had those powers. it would be great. but overall today was super excellant. mucho productive. rock the flower petals nick

i showed my parents my projects i was working on for tv produciton class. one is a video i made for a BANE song. i used forked tongue and clips from platoon. i edited them nicely together. it rocks. and the other is a prodigy song with insanely abstract and mind boggling images. i bet no one can guess what they are. and the third is a documentary i did for this girl at my school who needs a kidney transplant. despite only havign 2 days to complete it its fairly good. i wish theyd come to me earlier to get it done but what can ya do? well my parents really liked my videos. and it made me feel good. now i wanna show everybody. hm. euphemism?

"come tomorrow ill be on my way back home. in the morning call from a roadside telephone. one night doesnt mean the rest of my life. if i go its not impossible but possible is probably wrong. so, let go because im afraid to try. ill keep my hands by my side. i wont come back i hope someday youll understand. i want to try and make it right but dont know know if i can. last night everything was right and the rain was gone. one summer night's the only time we've known, so shut yout eyes and when you wake up ill be gone." -get up kids

harmonious contradictions...i must appease them so as not to be devoured by their angst

today ended up being good. i felt very rested. i was in a very good mood and i had kick ass music flowing out of my head phones. school was pretty much just school. i only learned in first period. second i just played around with the editing equipment and put all my projects on tape. third i listened to music and played card with the two german exchange students we have there. it was fun exceot i didnt do any of the work i was supposed to. oh well. fourth we went to the language lab and i did nothing in there either. then i got to get out of school. finally. i got home and got online. then learned a get up kids song on piano. it rips as much as emo can. haha. and my parents are out of town and not gettin back until late tonight. party!!! wooo!!! except not. but im gonna have to make dinner for myself sometime soon. and im gonna have to keep listening to music and get my ears drunk. sounds like a productive night. maybe ill clean some more. i have to clean a lot these days. oh well. once i get my copy of 1984 back from sean im gonna read it again. its like my favorite book. i hope theres band practice this weekend. i must quench my thirst for the rockage. i had a very good day. and tomorrow will be good cos im gonna see all kinds of cool people. dont drop the air conditioner out the window.

someday i want to be able to know so many songs that i can have a real conversation with someone only using song lyrics. that would be the coolest thing. haha im a dork oh well. what if two people knew eachother so well that they could say incredible amounts of information and thought through one word. and every time the other party understood. it would be awesome as shit. icy hot saves the day yet again. my legs are sore. and i got a stick of icy hot fomr cvs. it looks liek deoderant but its icy hot. so nice. and you don get your hands all nasty. my legs are nice and relaxed and warm. bliss. my thoughts need to unjumble. so many things are flying around i just waiting for em to analyze. i dont know if i can get to all of them. ill work at them one at a time and spend all day at it. eventually there willbe less of them. but hopefulyl never gone. never burn your bridges.

the beauty of being vague

better mood. a little less hungry. not confused. chill. cant formulate sentences. well me and sarah are no more : ( i guess its for the best though. we're still friends and im glad cos shes such a fucking awesoem smart person. im back on track. i hate these little instances where my life semi derails. its unnerving. and tiring. it rights self at the most unexpected moments and faster than i expect. whats next? i wish i knew. but then i dont because my life would be perfect if i knew what was going to happen and changed it. who'd want a perfect life anyway, right? well ill prepare for the next incident and try not to screw everything up. i need rest. exit.

"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy
rent-free space in your mind." - Isabelle Holland

indecision...contemplation...drowning in thoughts that repeat too much...with no easy solution anywhere to be found...mistakes must be learned from...and cried about...

im so tired. and sad. i cant help but feel like an asshole. school doesnt help. i hate high school.i cant think straight anymore. i dont want to be mean. its something i almost never do. i dont want to hurt anybody. but i dont know. im confused. and lost. maybe if i get some sleep itll all be better. and some food. i need to talk to someone about it. but no one's online. well ill go off and listen to my get up kids cd. its pretty. sad but pretty. rock on kids.

"wheres trevor?!?" - katie

disappearing trick done my dog. do i have a dog? damn, thwarted again

exhaustion overwhelmed me today. last night i decided to go to bed. then i found some guitar strings. i stayed up to string my guitar and play it. i went to bed around 12:30. i really need more than 7 hours of sleep. oh well. school was uneventful as usual. just tired and dragging myself out of my desk into my next class. then i get home. i need to clean. i need money. i need to shower. i need guitar. i managed to do all of those things. i went to record exchange before going to java head tonight. i got a get up kids cd. its soo good. then i went to java head. sarah : ) and erin and katie showed up and we walked around a bit. then erin and sarah2 and james and elsie and gordon showed up. awesome people. i played two songs tonight. this song i wrote for someone a while ago, and shirts and gloves. people really liked the one i wrote. it means so much to me when someone says they like the music i write. its like a part of me is in the song. and when people like i feel accepted. its a great feeling. i hate singing into mics. i alwyas think im too loud or too soft and i can never hear my guitar. oh well. people said it sounded good. now im listening to my get up kids cd wondering if i should do my homework or put it off until tomorrow. its not like i do anythign meaningful in class anyway. ill do it later. today was weird. i left my hair down cos i was lazy. i got called tony hawk, brad pitt (???) and new guy. it was interesting to say the least. now im confused. i cant remember what i was gonna do. well im gonna spike my hair tomorrow. nice and tall. my hairs gettin long. im proud of myself. for reasons that will be left unsaid. im proud. i have power. a small amount. but more than ive had in my entire life. its nice. now im off to do something that i have yet to figure out. i think im hungry. get up kid, youre on my icy hot.

"Nothing is so irretrievably missed as an opportunity we
encounter every day." - Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

onward to the opening in the wall. wait, metal detectors?

busy day. wake up. eat. i got new shoes and three new pairs of pants. rockin shit. then i travelled to the metro station and meet sarah and people. they werent there yet. so i walked to elsie's house and saw annalisa, elsie, gordon, joey. will and all them. fun. then i walked back to the metro. me and sarah and erin2 and katie and pat and mike and monchie went downtown to see the cherry blossoms and just fuck around. it was cool. then we went home and i went fomr the metro to lauren's house. except not exactly. i thought her address was 6512 but its actually 6215. and i went totally the wrong way and got pretty lost. then some random dude saw me walking on the dark path and started talking to me about drugs. and we got onto the subject of how school and how he respects that i choose not to smoke and shit. really cool guy. then i finally remembered laurens real address and after feeling dumb for a bit, moseyed on over to lauren's house. laura was there. we just watched tv adn ate chinese food. and lauren is the first person ive seen with a carpeted bathroom. its some crazy shit. now i am home. im soo tired. but in a very good mood. listening to good music. rockin out. me world has corrected is spinning. im glad. dont know how it happened. but it did. very good. hopefully tomorrow java head will be open. thatd be nice. schools gonna suck tomorrow. only three classes wont. i hate second period. so tedious. i cant stand it. the teachers ignorant. but what can ya do? i need rest. i thought this was going to be a relatively restful one, but that didnt happen. instead i had incredible amounts of fun. i spent liek most of my time with awesome friends. super cool people. playign guitar and listening to music also filled most of my time. now that i think about it ive hardly been home. it should be my birthday now. i got 11 more days and ill be 16. and im gettin an actual good camera. its gonna kick ass. i need a get up kids cd. so good so good. i can never get enough music. sigh. "and i now have nothing, but your heartbeat in my head." my hair has been down a lot lately. im getting really lazy. oh well. i want to be alone in a big city. i want to stand at one end of the mall downtown and just stare at it. all empty and quiet. very serene. all you can hear is the animals and the sound of the water. itd be nice. im still hungry. and i just ate some food. damn metabolism. no deep thoughts today. no time. except the one that sarah uses a lot thats good. "youre all not really here. im sittin in the corner of a mental institution and imagining all of this." now im going to do things that dont require any thinking cos im too tired to do so. peel off stickers here and find the prize. what is yours?