Why do I never seem to learn?
That love is wrong and girls are fucking evil.
I guess I'll never figure out
What womankind is all about. - The Ataris

Finally got the nerve to tell you
How much you mean to me you said that I was your best friend,
A real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be. - same band as above

today was a good day. woke up around 10:30ish. got some food. went to time out of line practice at 12. we rocked out and wrote a new song that kicks ass. then we chilled learned a lifetime cover. around 3 i went over to andrew from thiry-7's house to write some new stuff with him. we wrote two new songs and i like them a lot. i also like playing drums a lot. theyre just fun to rock out on. and im sure to be heard, unlike bass where i have to play louder or somethig different from guitar, and sometimes even then. but yeah it rocked. erin came over later on so i got to see her again and that was mucho fun. i saw her friday, saturday, and today. quite a good weekend. now im tired. may contain traces of tree nuts. what are tree nuts?

all my friends i grew up with are moving away to college. they are my best friends and i havent been hanging out with them ver much recently. either we've grown apart or its my own stupid defense mechanism to protect myself from being to hurt when the leave. i mean i grew up with these guys since i was like 4. andrew and steve and robert. they were my closest friends all throught my life. i will surely miss them. why cant i just be two years older? ive felt that way my entire life. felt that i was older than i really was. now the gap becomes clear. im still a sophomore and theyre off to make lives for themselves. i wish them the best of luck and i know theyll have the time of their lives. but i'll be left alone yet again. all those times i hung out at andrews over the years. our bike trip. ill miss them all. ill miss our band that brought us so much joy. there have been plenty of rough spots but thats to be expected. i wish i was older. ill miss them. i love you guys. have fun in college. and keep bringing the rock.

well. it seems i start off most of my posts with "well" meh. this hurt isnt even my own. but it hurts more than any pain ive ever felt. its hard to have to watch in horror and not be able to do a damn thing this time. most of ther other times you can fix it, but this time is different. you cant do anything. you can be there. but it wont go away any faster. it hurts to see them miserable. could i have stopped it? did my opinion actually have enough power that it wouldve prevented this? i had a horrible feeling all during school. everything else became 3rd rate as my mind focused first and secondly on one person and worrying about how theyre doing. it hurts me more than i ever could have imagined it hurting. things will be all better tomorrow i hope. i hope more than ive ever hoped before. i wont know until tomorrow and its killing me. i guess i care too much. oh well. ill care as much as i want to. and if i care more than the world so be it.

shooting up directly into my ears. blasting the music into them as loud as i can. wiht head phones none of the sound escapes. tonight was a superbly wonderful night. one of the best ever :) i saw erin. and it was extraordinarily great. and im rockin out to the ozzy now and im getting my nice little musical non substance related high, unless sound waves are substances. meh. music is so great. so is erin. so is happiness. damn im a dork. oh well being happy kicks ass. and yea. im out.

well i havent posted anything in here for a while. so i think i will. and that last post was a bit sad. but anyways, the past week has been quite good. thigns have been great. i had band practice wiht thirty-7 for the first time and it was really fun. and today im gonna practice with time out of line, most likely minus steve but oh well. i felt really sick today during lunch and second period. these school lunches are starting to get to me i think. i think im turning into a vegetarian haha ;) ;) nah i doubt it id get so sick and skinny if i didnt eat meat. but its been seeming a lot less appealing recently. hm oh well. im feeling much better now. i got to use the equipment in the studio control room today. it was the second time and ive gotten most of the stuff down. except the linear editing cos that takes ass loads of work. but ill work on it. theres so much stuff to do and so much stuff to think about it. i wish i could creat time and energy. except mr einstein wouldnt agree with me. but i have so much to do. except not really. all i do is play guitar, eat, sleep, hang out. but that takes up lots of time. school is just meh cos i dont try at all and i get a 4.0. and its not cos northwestern is a bad school or anything cos its pretty good for the most part. just the classes im taking now are easy ones so ive got it made. whatever. i cant wait until AP next year so i finally get some challenge. but i also cant wait for the summer. itll be a much needed break. school is driving me crazy pretty much cos im always tired cos i dont sleep enough. which is why i almost always go to school an hour or two late. but even that much sleep doesnt help. i need a nice 3 month vacation(summer!!) ah itll be nice. i need to have more deep thought sessions wiht myself. i need to sort out my head. its like my computer, i need to defragment my head, get rid of all this extraneous material floating around. i dont even know what it is. its just there and it needs to exit. i suppose ill have one soon or ill go crazy. haha nah im far from crazy. a little excentric maybe but not crazy. yet here i am pretending im talking to the computer or some person typing lots of random crap no one needs to know. hm i guess i can put all this extraneous material in my blogger if i ever figure it out. ah well. things fare well in my world. just living. taking life in. or trying to as best i can. "escaping" sometimes, except more liek enhancing. it matters not. i fare well and im happy. brought to you by your local bulk food distributor

clenching this safety pin i dont know what im gonna do. should it go through my ear? or should it make me bleed? i dont want to go back to last year. ive made so much progress. its all slowly slipping away. what am i gonna do??

too tired, too lazy, too in need of a hug from a someone. cant write. good night.

well i havent written in here in a relatively long time. basically everything has been going wodnerfully great. :) ive spent so much time with erin. i saw her thursday through sunday. and today i was there from 1:30 til 10:30. 9 hours of greatness. it was a very great day. and besides school my week kicked ass. erin makes me super super happy all the time and its the best feeling. we fell asleep for like an hour in eachothers arms today. that rocked. im sentinmental oh well fuck it :) it was great. and yeah im way too lazy to write much stuff in this right now so have fun and good night. dont let the clothes pins get you, its hell