:::B:::

'why are you talking aobut hanson?" "the same reason we're talking about bon jovi"

today i finished driving with the instructor guy so now im done with driver's ed for good. yay. now im doing homework. oh yeah. thirty-7 is playing at 3:00 october 5th at nation. on the small stage. come pleaase. tickets are $15 (i know its a lot of money). homewokr blows. tomorrow i got practice with bionic man. thatll be tight. got a show with them friday october 25th. dont know where exactly. i saw a chipmunk. and i hate pgcps. the cafeteria keeps running out of fucking food! argh. i manage to get food from somewhere most of the time though. but when i dont im pissed as hell. another thing sucks. my dad's skin cancer/melanoma is back. :/ im off.

:::D pedal tones:::

today was a good day for the most part. almost hit a dog driving cos some lady called it from across the street. stupid. drove for a while. can parallel park with the best of them. chilled for while. chilled with some more people and sat around. ate food. sat around. walked. did two lab reports. oh and BANE is playing october 12 in college park. and i hear its free. im so fucking excited. but i am tired. too tired to really think all that clearly. so i shall depart.

:::G9 no 3 no 7:::

andrew came back from maine today to go to the protests and shit and see some people. it was nice seeing him again after all this time. i got a hug :) haha its only been like 2 months. whatever he came up and we chilled for a little bit and rocked out with the guitars. playing with him brings out the best musicianship inside me. everything we played just felt right. i was lovin it. texturizing the music. harmonizing chords. mmmmm...but it was nice. and id better get a fuckin 8-track soon. which means i need some money. fast. damn being $500. maybe there will be a christmas sale i can find. if i get it, and if andrew comes back for christmas break, i want to record some tracks. god thatd be so awesome. well for now i gots ta roll out to bed before i get iced. tired. need sleep for driving at 8:30 tomorrow. peace.

im gonna go to dc and play guitar and make money. hopefully. i need money. and the only thing i want to do is play music. and i have lots of time....sorta. so i can play guitar for money. thats the best job ever. so i figure a few nights a week will add up to a fairly good amount of money. prolly not too much but it adds up. :)

::: A# :::

"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

well hm....today wasnt such a bad day. tired for most of it. actually fell asleep in us history. never done that this year. finished my first of two lab reports. going to bouncing souls/anti-flag show tomorrow. this weekend started out looking pretty dismal but its looking better so im glad. i gotta get up at 8:30 every morning and go driving for two hours this weekend. and i gotta go driving on monday at 4:30 for another two hours. but ill be completely done wiht driving school. school is challenging. just what i wanted. but i didnt want to be tired forever and always. im not too tired now though. but meh. lets see. i need to read a little more dostoevsky. been too busy to do much of anything. oh yeah. i dont know if i mentioned this or not, but hopefully ill get a digital 8-track recorder sometime soon. the only thing is that its like $500. :/ im getting a computer first though. and prolly paying half for the recorded at christmas. itll be soo nice to record my music whenever i feel like it and whenever somethign comes to me. then i can hook it up to my computer and master it and burn it to cd. :) so excited. i just hope i can get it. id never leave my room then. oh well. i always forget what i want to write in this. fuck it. im off to start my other lab report. livin la loca vida

take the nerd test.


and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.

:::Csus9:::

ok so my computer has been down since last thursday...pretty fucking inconvenient. but my dad got it fixed so its nice and new and working. just gotta reinstall all my programs and old files and what not. to recap. bionic man asked me to be their bass player and tour around the country with them. i was so excited to hear this. its my dream to tour with a band. and this oen watned me to tour with them and theyre a pretty successful band. but, my parents say im too young. i guess so considering theyre 28 and im 16. but whatever im not too worked up about it. ill tour sometime in my life dont worry everyone who thinks i shold just leave now. itll all work out. so i told htem i couldnt tour, but they still want me to fill in with them and play shows until they find another bassist. thats still pretty damn good. so not a total loss. i got new hi hats and used them at thirty-7's first show. it went really fucking well. i expected us to not play as good as we did since we've been together for 4 and a half months and it was our first show ever. we also sold like 24 cds and made a little over $70. the silver lining seems to have stalled, awaiting bass player and drummer. i think steve found some people though so i gotta talk to him about that. things have been going quite well. kinda just get home from school everyday adn sit around. im tired alot though. so busy. ive been reading dostoevsky lately. he's really cool. expect some excerpts in here from some of his work. hmm what else is there....ive been thinking abotu lots of stuff to put in here in the days i could not do so, but all those thought elude me presently. oh well ill think of them later hopefully. time to go do some more configuring of my computer. peace.

"the more conscious i was of goodness, and of all that "sublime and beautiful," the more deeply i sank into my mire and the more capable i became of sinking into it completely. but the main thing was that all this did not seem to occur in me accidentally, but as though it had be so. as though it were my most normal condition, and not in the least a disease or depravity. it ended by my almost believing (perhaps actually believing) that probably this was really my normal condition. but at first, in the beginning, that is, what agonies i suffered in that struggle! i did not believe that others went through the same things, and therefore i hid this fact about myself as a secret all my life. i was ashamed (perhaps i am even ashamed now). i reached the point of feeling a sort of secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, and being acutely conscious that that day i had again done something loathsome, that wata was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnaw, gnaw at myself for it, nagging and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and finally into real positive enjoyment!" fyodor dostoevsky

:::Bm:::
well lots of shti to write. yesterday thirty-7 finished recording our cd. its pretty good. a few errors on my part. but of course im going to pick out all the mistakes oh well. its nice. i was sooo tired after it all though. but it was fun. missed a day of school. got kinda behind in work but whatever. i can make it up. hm. there was more. but i forgot it all. haha. so i got a great offer from a band. it will fulfill my lifelong dream. today was a really good day. jut got a shit load of homework. gotta listen to musics. write papers. oh well. cant think straight anymore. too much good stuff. oh yeah. my parents are going away for three days and two nights and theyll either let me stay home alone, or spend the whole time at erins. i wonder which one i'll do.....haha. take a wild guess. but yeah shits good. as long as my parents dont start getting bitchy and over protective. i should be getting my new hi-hats tomorrow. thatll be excellent. since thirty-7 most likely has a show on friday. im out.

:::G#:::

today was rockin. spent the night on andrew's floor. nice floor if i must say. woke up. went to lusby maryland to record. on the way there we got a tad bit lost and stopped at st leonards elementary school to ask for directions. they were the nicest peopel ever. i swear they were like waiting for us to come in. they were telling us where to go and then other teachers came out and helped out too. it was great. then back on our way. it takes an hour to get there. and its in the middle of nowhere. but we got there. its a really nice place. super fucking good equipment. we set up and i had some troubles getting the bass drum pedal to work right so i could play fast. after i got that figured out we rocked out. recorded lots and lots of tracks. it sounds sooo good. i drummed for a good three and a half hours today. im quite pooped. then i did the second guitar tracks. a lot harder than i would have expected but it turned out excellently. the quality of the drum sound and guitar are amazing. and it hasnt even een mastered yet. i cant wait til we finish it tomorrow. or i guess today now. but it was excellent. and i need to go to bed. night. come see us (thirty_7) at nations october 5th. see me for ticket details. night

am i that cold? 5000 deaths means nothing. but one is a different story. i didnt even know this person but reading accounts by someone who cared a lot about them and reading lovign memories brings me to tears. i know it hurts. but how can i be affected? i met them once. but someone who cared more than most remembered, and it was beautiful. the things said. its sad. im gonna go cry for the pain that people feel. just from one self-induced death. the pain is enormous. the things we wish we could have done. i know how it feels. i just know. it didnt effect me at all. but i feel the pain somehow. im sorry man.

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

oh yeah i forgot to bitch aboutu 9/11 too. I COULD CARE LESS!! fuck it if 5,000 people die. more than that die everyday in africa because they have no food. 5,000 people is so insignificant. its been year. so what. it happened let it go. i dont care. dont keep telling me about it. and dont fucking say its the worst thing you've ever heard of in your life. what about the holocaust, civil war, slavery?? i can think of so many things 1000 times worse then 9/11. im tired of the bull shit. the united states can bomb anyone it wants to, but oh no!! when we get bombed its a world tragedy. we deserved it. pushing all the other countries in the world around. i could care less. fucking media reporting about it constantly. fuck it.

:::diminished 5th:::

well today was an ok day i guess. i got really fucking pissed at the coffee house auditions. first off the drum set was a piece of shit and they didnt have a kick pedal or a snare. dumb shits. the cymbals sounded like shit and the pedal we found was crap. so im playing the durms to get a feel for them, and the lady who's running it starts bitching like our ears our tired stop playiung blah blah. and what, 2 bands played before us? shut the fuck up! then we turn on the amps and she starts bitching about how those are too loud. so she turns them down and im like uh i cant hear them now. and she does it anyway. so we start playing. nooooo im playign too loud. so she tells me to play quieter. dont fuckin tell me how to play my goddamn music!!! we wrote the music to share with others what me created, dont you ever dare fucking tell me how to play. i will fuck you up if you piss me off enough and thats one way to do it. so then we start over and play through, only the guitars are turned down too low so you still cant play anything. so we finish and im pissed as hell. i just wanted to kill her. stupid bitch. ugh. and im sick so that doesnt help matters. then i go to driver's ed. it was ok. not anythign ineteresting. but i was hungry and tired the whole time and i feel more sick now. so basically today turned into a sucky day. oh well. im gonna go continue being sick now.

:::Asus:::

semi vow of silence

I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest who'd have known? I trace the cord back to the wall no wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up the choice was mine I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on
you'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days days when I still felt alive we couldn't wait to get outside the world was wide, too late to try the tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home
to pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone another six months I'll be unknown give all my things to all my friends
you'll never step foot in my room again you'll close it off, board it up remember the time that I spilled the cup
of apple juice in the hall please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days days when I still felt alive we couldn't wait to get outside the world was wide, too late to try the tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home to pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came tomorrow holds such better days days when I can still feel alive when I can't wait to get outside the world is wide, the time goes by the tour is over, I've survived I can't wait till I get home to pass the time in my room alone

good ol cheesy blink 182. but oh well. i was listening to their live cd, and this song came on. and it reminded me of myself. not in a bad depressing way. just how i cant wait to get home to pass the time in my room alone. its weird. maybe bad i dont know. i increasingly dislike conversations these days. some are ok. but i generally would prefer to not talk. and just listen. think about stuff. i acknowledge what people say, but sometimes i just dont want to respond, not cos im lazy, i just dont want to carry on a conversation at the moment. its nothing at all personal. just my internal emotions at that time. i also prefer alone time over large groups or anythign of the sort. it requires no outward thinking on my part and i can do whatever i need or want to do. im becoming a recluse haha. oh well. i probably should talk more. and seem a little less cold sometimes. its just now a days i dont want to talk. itll pass im sure. but listening is prefered over talking on my part. 16 held such better days. i have some bad ones. where i hate things and myself. sometimes other people. not my friends of course. just people and acquaintences. but i used to love going outside. but now i want to be to myself most of the time. and it takes large amounts of effort on my part to get online sometimes, or respond to someone. alone. by choice. thinking. i guess i wanted to think more. and i sorta slowy subconciously started to do that. hm. well. anyways. today was good. took pictures of flowers in the "early" morning (9:30). went to band practice. we were all kinda sick. it was a good practice though. playing without vocals will get us more nsync with eachother. itll be good for recording. and for performing. then drivers ed. i dont mind being bored and actually paying attention. i paid $245 for it might as well try and get a little something out of it if i dont know it already. then came home, fixed my hi-hat. oh, my parents are gonna buy my hi-hats for me now since i only need like 20 more bucks. and i need them soon for shows and waht not. not to mention my other ones are cracked beyond belief. then did homework. still got more. need rest. must get to school at 8:15 to finish lab. hopefully i wont engulf my hand inflames this time. oh well. tired. good night.

:::D:::

well today was very fun. cleaned a bit. drove really well. chilled around my house. then i went to band practice. we played really well. better than i expected since i was tired and sore. i learned the chords to the songs im playing back up guitar on for the cd we're gonna record in a week. that was fun. harmonizing. then i decided to have 2 acoustic and 2 bass tracks on movie night, a song i wrote for a special someone person. its so amazingly good. i was playign it. and it made me cry. so many sounds at once. beautiful tapestry of sound. a masterpiece. its so hard to think about it though. me playing all of it. thank god for over-dubbing. so that was fun. borrowed time out of line cd from andrew p and got sad listening to it. i miss being in that band. and playing wiht those guys. it was so much fun. sigh. oh well. tired. need rest. school tomorrow. ugh. not too bad though. today was a very good day. need new hi-hats. cant wait to record. well good night.

:::D7:::

super tired....im gonna get lots of rest tonight hopefully. gotta get up tomorrow and clean then goto band practice wiht thirty-7. we're getting realyl good its fun. oh and my other band im starting with steve...the silver lining. thanks lauren for renewing my interest in philosophy and deeper thought. i missed it. as of now im tired and tired and bored and need sleep. online scrabble is sucking cos computers suck so much. argh. oh well its still fun when it works. wow. 23 minutes just went by really fast. meh. i need sleep i cant think.

"one day, john entwhistle, keith moon, and jimmy page were sittin aroudn talking. and jimmy page goes i want a band named after a lead balloon. john said, "how about led zeppelin"?

:::C4 + G5:::

what a wonderful day it is when one is criticized for carrying books more than a hundred pages long. reading for fun is apparently for smart people apparently. personal betterment is apparently only for smart people. the one thing i cant stand about the vast majority of the population is the close-mindedness and ignorance without initiative to learn and improve and the absence of any kind of attempt at intellectuality, that perpetually surrounds me. individuals almost never attempt to reach their full potential when it's terribly obvious that they are wasting their minds. intellecuality, or even intelligence is a difficult goal to attain, but just a sincere try to reach that goal is a superlative effort and worthy of praise, deserving recognition as such. if only people realized the complete error in the mindset of 'ignorance is bliss' in relation to the acquisition of knowledge, our world would be significantly better off. toleration in all walks of life would be overflowing and no one would be trapped behind or stumble over gender or racial barriers. im fed up with complascent ignorance and ignorant mockery and self-degradation. its such a waste.

i strive for intellecuality in my own life. i read because i hunger for new ideas, concepts, and most of all, i crave the acquisition of knowledge, useful or not, opinions or facts. to be smart is not my goal. i want to enhance my moral views, alter my ethics to the most efficient and best suited to my way of thought, but keep them on a semi socially acceptable level. i want to teach others. i want to completely obliterate complascence of thought and apathy towards knowledge and its acquisition.

:::A5:::

The Christian faith from the beginning, is sacrifice: the sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self-confidence of spirit; it is at the same time subjection, self-derision, and self-mutilation. There is cruelty and religious Phoenecianism in this faith, which is adapted to a tender, many-sided, and very fastidious conscience; it takes for granted that the subjection of the spirit is indescribably painful, that all the past and all the habits of such a spirit resist the absurdissimum, in the form of which "faith" comes to it.
- from the philosophy of nietzsche: beyond good and evil: the religious mood

Suicide Machines w/ From Autumn to Ashes • Glasseater • Small Brown Bike - sun sept 8 $12 fletchers....all the rest 930
Thursday - tues sept 17 $15
George Clinton & The P-Funk All Stars - wed sept 18 $35 :(
Dillinger Escape Plan - fri sept 27 $12
Thrice w/ hot water music - wed oct 9 $10
dashboard - thursday oct 10 $16
Reel Big Fish - wed oct 16 $17.50

so many shows, so little money

:::F9 no 3 no 7:::

not fair, not fair, not by a longshot, be sure to tell them both i hate them." call me when they let you breath" its gets worse and worse, i'm not shocked, let it be the giant calice, never shocked so use too it all, and day dreaming


i can't tell you if i'm broken, the name just sticks out of the screen, tommorow morning i'll realize i'm alone again, all on my own again, i crash, i crash.


waiting at the end of the block, guess its time to go, guess its time for me to fly, locked in your cage, let it be broken, you were meant for more, way more than i, no more captives, not by a cigar burn or the roughly assembled downstairs, keep me captive, so beautifull yours the living, p.s. try harder,


lay around and be imperfect. - the silver lining

kickin jam - converge: jane doe

:::Emaj6:::

time to think of something to write...im tired as usual. im gonna go to bed after i write this so i can get some decent rest. hopefully i'll have band practice tomorrow. i want to play wiht those guys more. well the other day i got new bass, acoustic, and electric strings. it was fuckin $32 dollars. so much money. oh well i needed them. i realized there is so much shit i want to buy. from cds to guitar gear. now i just need a nice secure source of lots of money. which will never happen. haha oh well. i need to polish my cymbals. i found some polish in my house today. and mine need cleaning. oh, and i found out the other day that im part scottish/irish. my mom was adopted and she finally found out her ethnic background. thats pretty cool. im scottish and polish. mmm. my bed sounds so tantilizing at the moment. time to roll out into my bed and sleep. night.