dent the plaster....out comes the chocolate ice cream

one second youre ok, the next youre wishing for that one simple moment of being able to say good night back to someone. you think "oh youre fine, dont worry about it." youre dead wrong. it hits you. right as youre trying to ignore it. crushed. out.

the brilliant dance.
So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

out comes the depression. out goes me.

Sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
Trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head

well here come the get up kids into my cd player. weird. it reminds me of old times. fuck. this sucks.

BON JOVI !!!! haha i know i know. im a loser. new jersey rocks. out.

ok well i have 5 or so time out of line songs uploaded to my MP3s/Pictures Link in the table of think at the top of my blogger. check them out.

ok...so mp3.com is being a bitch abot uploading songs...so for now they will be at the same site as all my pictures. look there. out.

fuck that being sad...andrew came back for thanksgiving. damn it was tight. jist me and him chilling, talking, bro'in out. it was awesome. as for now, im uploading time out of line songs onto mp3.com so look for updates soon so if you dont have the cd you can download that shit. out.

dashboard? confess...time for me to suck at life

gotta love all these from autumn to ashes songs...

Emotionless grey skies bleed somber dreams of sorrow
Blackened unseen heart tears a virgins godlike innocence from its pristine palace
Paint sarcastic smiles upon new wounds
Tears of misery stain scar filled minds
Hatred new like tomorrow flows from bitter memories
Purity now embraced by sinful ideals why
Lifeless tomb rests weary with prowling peering eyes
Silence falls upon deaf ears covered by night
Alone in thought, shaking
Biting tongues of lead at unfit moments
Screaming disbelief with no faith in site

[and her disgust has no borders, no limits to strive for,
she bends and breaks to the rules set by the weak]

She's finally seen she's a beautiful girl with a smile so grand she could stop the world
Stolen her skin he sews her mouth shut, means nothing to him, her screams just die out
As she cries out her voice dies out
As she cries out her voice dies out
Love once inside her heart, lay in my hands
Was it asked for?
Was it implied?
What could have been done?
Inside her mind dies.


Short Stories With Tragic Endings


Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
the one thing that I cannot give you.

{Did you ever see that one person
and the way they do these things
and it hurts so much it's like choking.. choking?}

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.

I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your
lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

{Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder
of what I'll never have..
I'll never have.. I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that i kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down. I cherish you.. I cherish
you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
just say you would do the same..
just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.}

she keeps on asking "do you think it hurts much to die?"
its hurting so much more to stay alive now,
shes gonna find out how much it hurts to die
she laced her perfume up with death,
i feel it in my lungs,
so i'll pull in the deepest breath and drop my head

let me die

im not a murderer. for now ill rock out the skid row and read the dostoevsky. but not for long. whatever. i need rest. only 4 hours of sleep in the past 37 hours doesnt work for me at all.

i like fortune cookies....they provide great insight. and always at the right times. and they woprk for almost anything. theyre great sources of inspiration. i talked to the nicest telemarketer today. she called up adn asked for my mom, but had a hard time pronouncing my last name (why anyone has trouble saying olexy is beyond me). so she apologized a lot. and said im sorry ive been doing this all day im sorry. or maybe she was drunk. but either way she was nice.

"I never tried to prove nothing, just wanted to give a good show. My life has always been my music, it's always come first, but the music ain't worth nothing if you can't lay it on the public. The main thing is to live for that audience, 'cause what you're there for is to please the people."
Louis Armstrong

"There's only two ways to sum up music; either it's good or it's bad. If it's good you don't mess about it, you just enjoy it." -Louis Armstrong

well today was tiring. im tired. im gonna sleep. in other notes. i have a new page. its just some pics. http://www.angelfire.com/rock3/silverlinings . its also in my table of links. it is not the pictures(old) link. out.

the songs. theyre depserately running around in my head. they come out on my guitar as the best songs ive written. they express the true musical direction i want to go in. just plain hardcore/metal/emo/rock comglomerate that rips your hear out with its piercing pinch harmonics and blood thirsty breakdowns. the infectious head bobbing and foot tapping. the fames A no 3 no 7 chord. such a beautiful combination of tones. almost makes one weep. i feel it. i need to get these songs onto cd. i need to get them out to the world. i need a band to play these songs i write. or i need to play them all myself. for that i need money. time to save. sleep. rock. out.

This is the end result of so many meetings at late night dinners with no one eating,
we sit in corners and sip burnt coffee,
count the tiles up on the ceiling,
lets skip the pretense and cut straight to dying,
just dont beg me to keep your eyes from crying,
you said so much without even parting your lips,
its past 3am and i'm still far from sleep,
and this is a habit i cant break,
you're my only company,
i'm skipping stones down a suburban street,
street lights flicker like this match in my hand,
it was begging to strike,
I keep repeating but this payphone tele stopped receiving,
flat out of change now and i'm sure you won't accept the charges,
its all the same because by morning i'll be halfway to colarado,
or someplace like that,
she keeps on asking "do you think it hurts much to die?"
its hurting so much more to stay alive now,
shes gonna find out how much it hurts to die
she laced her perfume up with death,
i feel it in my lungs,
so i'll pull in the deepest breath and drop my head

well...i have mixed feelings about tonight....the first part was fun. i hung out with robert and ida and just chilled. much fun there. then i went to a show around 10. age of ruin and carved in stone. excellent show. i saw tons of friends i hadnt seen in a long ass time. then i went to see the rock horror picture show at the student union. that sucked. i thought people were gonna be there. but it turns out they werent. then the whole thing sucked and i was wishing for it to be over the whole time. its 3 am, i was cold, wet, and disappointed and just in a bad mood. i guess sleep will help. but for now ill listen to age of ruins free 2-song cd i got. it is superb. shit sucks. fuck. out.

its been the longest time since ive had a steak. i forgot how good they are. sorry to all the vegetarians out there. but yeah. so i spent the night at erins last night with peoples. it was fun. fun was had. ;) ;) hehe. weelll. i got many new games for my computer. all play and no work my trevor a lazy boy. well time to clean. and sleep and get rest. good. out.

last night fuckin rocked.jim breuer was soo funny. i had so much fun. :) and i got me some good sleep and thats always good. things are good again. chillin. playing with the computer. sitting around. out.

way to go ass fuck. throw it all away. fuck things up again trevor. what the hell is wrong with me?? why do i always manage to let things slip away? let myself waste away and ruin things. think of too many wordly things. do too much stuff for my own good. fuck. up. out. :(

tell me what the purpose in me living is. do it. explain to me why my life has any relevance at all to the overall scheme. in a hundred years people wont look back and ask who was this guy. they wont care about me. im so insignificant. i want to dream away my life. most things seem so trivial and fake anyway. might as well dream. run away from it all. just give up. im trying too hard. out.

Like a phoenix ignition
like a crematorium
Like a swelling volition
from the barrel of a gun
From the ashes and the embers
like a rocket I'll ascend
Like a cry gone up for a fallen friend
I'LL ASCEND
Everyday tear down the walls
till cornerstones remain
Coming ONE STEP CLOSER ALL THE TIME
And although we'll never reach perfection ALWAYS PERSIST TO TRY

No regrets, just rebirth
move forward, and ignite.
Incandescent Reinvention
a new renaissance
A NEW FIRE EACH DAY
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when the hands read 7:30 and your night begins to sink in the short but faster fall
in the anxious but calm retort to mirror that frames your face baring the finest swell
when the day begins to break like the tears that run across your cheek
stand straight and imagine you then in the things and the way they could have been
when the thoughts they race across your chin here in the neverend

(i'll be home) in graver mistakes dear mom and dad, i write you in the letter that states
(i'll be moving on) when the new days begun forget your son when he's out on his own

point your gun in another direction now that you've cried yourself to sleep here in there after the fire

(before you walk home) when the days found figuring will he be home again
(signal loss and stereo) with wide open windows will she be waiting for
(the sounds surround the overpass) with severed arm placement when the day's dark, old and dead
(a dead man against you) we'll write her a letter in a long time passing by...

point your gun in another direction now that you've cried yourself to sleep here in there after the fire

i'll be home to say i love you and i'll be moving on

finally this shit works

and how do you know? where are you going? is it time to run? run. no. go. dream. paint over the lies. furnish new hope. are they the one? believe it or not its time to choose who to kill. how is it possible? pretty soon it'll all crumble and so will you. everlast the pain of distance. go. run. dream of distance. go. no. run.