can you feel me breathing on your skin? whisper on your neck. can you feel it rolling from your chin, right down to your breasts? can you feel my eyelashes begin to open on yoru cheeks, can you feel me staring cos im staring, my heart's about to leak. but youre asleep you dont feel a thing. i speak you dont hear a thing. intoxicated and fast asleep up on a rooftop above the street. and i wish you would come down here with me...

i have returned :)

maaaaan...i dont want to go tomorrow. only 100 miles. waaay too far for a day, and most of another....waaay too long. sigh. ill miss that silly bear lots. its gonna take so long. the days are gonna go by soo slowly. and im gonna be thinking about her all day. sigh. im a dork. oh well. ill be back monday night. maybe ill get to see her then. i sure hope so. for now. out.

hmmm something to do later on tonight....jesse's...maybe go. maybe not. cant decide yet. i need to find out what im doing. and what other people are doing.

fuck....i really should start the tons of work i need to do oevr break. oh well. i really dont want to go to richmond either. stupid grandparents that arent even reaally my grandparents. oh well.

hooray for the manipulation of html code :)

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Passed out on the overpass
Sunday best and broken glass
Broken down from the bikes and bars
Suspended like spirits over speeding cars
You and me were kings over the parkway tonight
And tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
Singing "everybody wake up(wake up)it's time to get down"
(everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)
And when I pass the bottle back to Pete
on the overpass tonight, I bet we laugh

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer stands forever)
cause we keep them going constantly
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get (wait forever)


The hell out of this town
Find some conversation
The low fule lights been on for days
It doesn't mean anyhting
I've got another 500 nother 500 miles
before we shut this engine down,
we shut it down


I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer stands forever)
cause we keep them going constantly
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get (wait forever)


(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
Eighteen forever
(your stomachs filled up but you're starved for conversation)
So we can stay like this forever
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
And we'll never miss a party
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
cause we keep them going constantly
(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
And we'll never have to listen
(your stomachs filled up but you're starved for conversation)
to anyone about anything cause it's all been done
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
and it's all been said
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get


Just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love


soco amaretto lime - Brand New

good song.....very pretty...although i cant tell if its happy or sad. the music and the way he sings it rocks though. so it makes me happy. the sad, if any therem cant touch me now. soooooo happy :)

taking back fuckign sunday....good good band..havent listened to them in a good 6 months. man today was fun. scary as shit. chilled. got presents. chilled with ida, robert, chris, and saneyda and went to the abondonded glendale mental hosptial. scary. go kissing hair. :)

i love the snuggling up and cuddling...and singing songs to you...and holding you....and your eyes. the cuteness. im soo fuckign happy...its the greatest :) :)

amelie is such a good fucking movie. go french

ok no more upset entry....no need to be....today rocked....got to see someone allll day. :) goodness

i cant let it get to me....i cant.

theres just something so incredibly wonderful abotu having that one person wrapped in your arms. its the best feelign ever. their hair in your face. soft kisses and hugs. wonderufulness.

this is from a while ago....tell me if it makes any shred of sense. and yeah that post is a bit closeminded when speaking of the religions. take no offense. that was my bitterness towards religion stage. but here it is. the "meaning of life"

the meaning of life went down the drain of my shower


ive found the meaning of life. more or less. ill start off with the most elementary.


the scientific meaning of life lies in the reproductive organs. in science’s eyes, we are here solely to pass on our genes to keep our species going. we’re just animals mating, doing our best to beat out natural selection. doing a little too well. killing off all the other species on the planet seems to be the only way we can win.


the religious meaning of life is largely determined by the religion you follow.
cristian’s meaning of life is to live as Christ would have lived, based on the scripture. they live so they may live eternally with their god. base their lives on a book. base their ideas and thoughts on that book. never formulating their own. the promise of eternal salvation gives them meaning in life.

hindus are born into a particular caste that they cannot escape from except reincarnation on a higher level. they too follow ideas thousands of years old and base their ideas on them, refusing to think outside the sanskrit.


the same is true for most of the other religions of the world. they allow themselves to be controlled by a book and refuse to live. a book dictates their lives to them keeping them from formulating their own ideas about life, however voluntary it is. most religious people only live for their salvation promised to them in ancient "holy" books. they no longer dream the dreams they want and need to, they dont think the thoughts they want or need to. they live for something they cant see and ignore their basic needs to truly live. no formulation of their own thoughts or beliefs. i have grown to loathe religion with a passion. however, i still hold it with the utmost respect.


now the meaning thats a tad more “universal” if you will. i believe the meaning of life is largely individual-specific, but i have found more to it. however ironically or paradoxically, the meaning of life is to live...to make relationships with fellow people, to learn, to think, to wonder, to dream. i also think we are just simply here. not put here by any one in particular. but while we are here there are things we must do, things we need to do to have meaning and to live. we need to dream and wonder and think. thought gives us meaning. without thought we would not even be a person. your “self” would not exist. the relationships we share with other minds aid our intellectual growth and increase our thought. dreams are our unconscious thoughts. we access our thoughts in our sleep and play them out as pictures and sounds, as if they were real experiences. without these, life would have no real meaning. you must live as you want to. you must not live as someone else directs you. if you chose religion or science, that is your choice, and that is your meaning. happy living. my brain is fried.

i dont know why i went back and read all these prebious entries. it was last march. i simply havent thought about her for the longest time. jsut ignored it. now that i look back it fucked me up. i hated her. i guess i dont hate her anymore. just waht she did. i wonder if anyone still remembers. i spose this song made me look back....jsut reminded me of how it was my anthem when it happened. and a damn good anthem it was for heartbreak haha. sad though. but not me at the moment. im greatly happy. just more or less nostalgic.

there are things that used to make me smile, one of them was you for just a little while. you left me for dead so far away. i replaced you with fear and shame youll be happy on the day i die. there are things that used to make me laugh but now theyre deeply buried in the past. i left them so far away replaced my humor with my pain ill be happy on the day it dies. remember when i said i love you , well forget it i take it back. i was just as stupid kid back then. i take back every word that i said. there are things that used to make you cry one of them was me for just a little while. why is it that you had to say goodbye in your own special way, you slashed the tires of my car. . remember when i said i love you , well forget it i take it back. i was just as stupid kid back then. i take back every word that i said.'

buut everything is all good. :) happiness

i like this song....

this vacation's useless
these white pills aren't kind
i've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
i missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
i've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
the days have come and gone
our lives when but so fast
i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more

do you care if i don't know what to say
will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
will i shake this off pretend its all okay
that there someone out there who feels just like me
there is

those notes you wrote me
i've kept them all
i'll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
with every single letter in every single word there
will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl
do you care if i don't know what to say
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
will i shake this off
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me
there is

do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
will i shake this off
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me

do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
will i shake this off
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me
there is

yesterday was an awesome day :) the first part was by far the best. then time out of line played. it was so much fun to play with those guys again. we rocked out. fun times. then chilled. and chill. i just chill these days. yup. sleep. out.

lord of the rings the two towers was a fuckin awesome movie. goddamn. :) then food was good. and chill. and fun. and today was awesome : ) yay. most happiness in a very long time

its freezing outside now/. its cloudy its loud as hell in here. our mission to kill her. incision. it will hurt. im staring. stop staring. but shes wearing my favorite shirt. go for, go for it before she sees me. but shes got that sweater on. the leaves like feathers are, falling from the trees and i dont want to kiss you anyway. shes got those eyes that ive been looking for. who is that guy seems to be guarding her. the pin tears the chandellier is going to fall on her if he takes his eyes off her. ive got the shot, i know i should but its so hard you look so good. go for, go for it. before she tells me. but shes got that sweater on. confetti feathers are, fallign on fake trees. and i dont want to kiss you anyway. shes stunning in that elegant costume. im on her tail i break a sweat. i wasnt sposed to have regrets. i pinch him, pinch her, and then run. standing under the tier that hes on. to pull the hammer with my thumb. and the masquerade is scattering. im making sure i stay behind her. shes the one with wings. im catching up. im getting close. making sure shes dead from her head down to her toes.run for, run for it. if she cries then im not giving in. what if i choke, what if dont, what if my cigarettes wont smoke. what if she says that shes in love with me? but shes got that sweater on. she stops and turns around. falling to the ground. she asks me not to kill her. im leaning down to kiss her. shes asking me to hold her. how did she pull my trigger? falling to the ground. i didnt want to kiss you anyway. shes running. im bleeding. her costume is tearing. i finally stopped staring. i finally stopped staring. - the stryder....random song...odd. but sad

cry or die hardcore

cry or die

just gonna sit awake for hours...thinking.....what actually goes on in my head? how i somehow manage to bypass certain feelings so i never feel pain, of any sort, until im alone....thinking too much i am...out

the get up kids are back into circulation of my music...so good. ill catch you is so fun to play on piano. greatness

ugh.....sick.

there was supposed to be a pic of david bowie here.....cos today everyone said i looked liek david bowie cos my hair wasnt done. ahha oh well. andrew and nick came back today...i chilled with andrew and steve and people for a while. it was cool. the old crew is back. haha. fun. out.

it was cool too cos last night the old singer for bionic man gave me 'props' haha. he said i was a really good bass player and he was really nice. man last night was an awesome ass show. :) yay for being high all the time.....the good high....where im on top of this fucked up world. everythings perfect.great. out.

damn....i wish i had $14....dashboard unplugged is coming out on tuesday.....cd annnd dvd...im a dork. oooh well..gotta start saving

man tonight fucking rocked.....the best feeling in the world. the show was aweosme....all of my friends were there, ida was there...everyone...i played really well. and we all did. i just got so excited. i was on top of the world. everything was going perfectly. its jsut great. joy. out.

man im such a loser....all i do is sat at home and play guitar and sing all day....no life

i must suck.....no one ever seems to take my singing seriusly...i guess i need to learn how to sing...without sounding weird

Sat 14 electric maid
268 carrol st.
nw washington dc , DC the thumbs
bleeder resistor
BIONIC MAN
30 day warranty $5
7:00 pm
info: www.bleederresistor.com possibly one more tba

Saturday December 21st at the Electric Maid, 268 Carroll Street, Takoma NW DC 20012

starts at 6:30, $5, affront, swing knife swing, Dead Vice Prez, stories long forgotten and TIME OUT OF LINE

man fuck walking to school.....goddamn it was wet. and ice. sigh. oh well it wasnt too bad except that my hoody was wet aaall day and so was i. but it was an ok. cos someone came to school afterwards:)

fuck yeah....its pretty much certain, im gonna be playgin a show with bionic man in chicago in the end of january. oh and this satruday a show with bionic man at the electric maid at 7....be there..... please haha. itll rock i promise. for now. out.

katwoman5353: i know someone famous
Tre4222: you do?
katwoman5353: *i will call you famous now

i have quite a good plan.....i hope she'll like it.....:)

So she says, Everyone's gone to the party. Won't you come if I come with a friend for your friend? I'd be so pleased to see you out of the classroom, wearing the smile that I bring you. I was hoping to learn a few things like: Do you, Do you like dishing the dirt on the whole class and talking the big smack or playing the fool or wearing all of the latest fashions or plucking your new trends or wearing your old threads if you like coffee in the evening? These are a few things that I'd like to know. That I'd like to know. So I say, I've been scheduled to work, but I'll call in and my friend isn't busy, he'll be happy to join me and maybe my friend and your friend will hit it off or maybe we will. I'm dying to know! Do you, Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days just to end them with someone you care about and do you like making out and long drives and blue eyes and guys that just don't quite fit in? Do you like them? So yes, I'll see you there.

man.....my day was pretty good, chill. but it got a whole lot better at about 9:45. hehe ;) yeah snowboarding in vans and a hoodie definately doesnt work for warmth. meh. fun times. no more toes. out.

And we won't be breathing in that same sun again
None of this will ever surface again
How we get older, how we forget about each other
And the angel falls to the sky
Raised and coiled she blessed this day she did
And it rings our ears
She rarely flies anymore, burden broke her wings
And I know this ghost, I have seen it before
Young it is the dying too fast, too soon, I'll be okay
The air thins in the quick and our lips move but we hear no sound
She whispered "Every time you justify, another good in you dies"
Your faith and fear seared me, and love and you pull all the right strings
"How we get older, how we forget about each other," she said
Entwined within the sadder of days

i guess i cant trust them anymore...putting fuckign words in my mouth. goddamnit i hate that. i never said that. and how can anyone know what i was thinking?? they dont know shit.

no fucking school!!!!!

shiiiit...well no one's mad at me...thats good. and shit man. tomorrow im going up to chuck's and paul reed smith is gonna be there. god its gonna rock. ill hopefully get a rack mount case for my amp, 30 band equalizer and power conditioner. im excited. toired. need clean. out.

slive is not a name by a name, and has nothing to do with the previous post.

slive.....hm....why is he mad at me....i hope he doesnt make me get sick again...

shit...good good shit. just got back. i have that feeling you have of almost fulfilling your life long dream. its fuckign awesome. the show was awesome. we played really well and people loved us. again people dont think im 16, but 18 or 19 which i still dont get but whatever. people praised my bass skills which was cool. and it was an over all sweet ass night. chilling with the band. just hanging laughing. quite a good day. the long car ride gave me time to think about shit. just how incredibly lonley i am. and other weird shit like why i was sick for the entire year in 1st grade. 5 year olds know whats going on and find their own way of dealing with shit. my family's depression literally made me sick. and just life is smacking me in the face at the moment and im taking it. i dont know how. just sitting here apart from me, watching me. crying inside. appearing quiet, ponderous, and a tad unerved on the outside. using wire cutters for the oddest reasons. lost in life. so much shit. its spectacular. maybe im more resiliant than i thought. or maybe im misleading myself. i need to talk. but there is no one to talk to. im losing everythign and gaining more. i cant tell if thats good or bad. it certainly is a pretty fucking bittersweet december. brilliant fucking dance. standard lines. confused. i need to sleep. i need to shave. out.