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Sudden Death In Carolina


Last night I swallowed liquor and a lighter and this morning I threw up fire.
But it's nothing new.
I've been piecing it together and it's got something to do
With every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room.
Every slow and quiet car ride I spent drinking in the backseat.
Every stupid melody to every stupid song.
And every stupid word that ever body's hanging on.
What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick.
So call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.
Last night I fell asleep next to a liar and I woke up with a shiner.
And it's all that I remember from a night spent lying on my back with a view of a stone white ceiling and the back of your head.
This dark and quiet bed felt like the middle of nowhere.
We beat each other up just like we always do.
When I'm talking to myself I'd always rather be talking to you.
What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick.
Call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.
Call homicide. Take the case to court.
Her lips taste like a loaded gun and I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.
They hung her from the bridge on Monday.
The gathering turned into a mob out on the lawn.
The dropped her body in the river.
And school and work returned to normal before long...

times are a changin


i was despairing, cos it didnt seem like my life would be going anywhere after high school. well ive been looking at schools, and lots of them of music recording and music industry majors/areas of study. that was awesome. cos if i dont become a rock star, which ill be very sad if i dont, i can go into the industry...produce, record, master, edit, executive. itd be the life. i absolutely have to do something with music or i might as well be dead. if not i'll fall back on a computer major. im finding a new passion in computer science. it's so much fun. and im good at it. so maybe ill go into something liek that. just every place i look is all 20,000 a year or more. fuck that. oh well. im happy today. i got to see ida after she finished working...and after i finished sitting at home playing guitar. she is so amazing, how her smile makes everything so much better. times now are interesting. changing. making me change. making me need to be. its good. its great.

---

bionic man show march 8
with affront, the goons, and swing knife swing
apparently at the majestic...DC somewhere

---

it would mean a lot to me if anyone who reads this comes. probably cos mostly my friends read it. i dont think many people know really how much it means to me that they come to see me at shows. it makes me feel so good. and i love playing shows, especially when people i care about are there. it gets me high. yeeeah high on life, except high on rock. its a huge rush playing shows. playign well and rocking the fuck out. its wonderful. so all you guys. come if you can. its prolly cheap. or free. just cos shows i play usually are. ive only got paid for a show maybe 3 times in my whole musical career. since 1998/1999 or so. aside from the jazz quartet i was in which fucking rocked. i made so much money. couple hundred. i love playing jazz. great fun. all chill and 98% improv. i need not despair so much. time to write. and wait. out.

apart

magic will be created when an unconventional person comes to stay
fortune cookie i got....

aaaah my legs hurt soo much...damn growing pains. hmpf. today sucked at first. got kinda better. chilled with the rob for a bit. then came home and ate chinese food and worked on my web page for computer science. played guitar. as oosooal;) layed down for a bit to get my leg to stop being bitchy. now im bored and taking all the newspaper off my ceiling...fun times. its weird. i havent seen my ceiling in 2 and a half years. well im off to finish that. out.

cough..scratchy..cough

damn. i sang myself out today. my voice is no longer cooperating and no longer getting up to those higher ranges. its weird. when i tried to swing "sweet," the w sound cut out in my voice...jsut silence until the "eet" part. it sucks. cos its all scratchy and kinda rough sounding. i dont if its the good rough or bad rough. but i figure ill rest it since ive bee singing all day and i dont want to mess up my precious good vocal chords . mainly i dont want to get frustrated with it and lose the drive. its turning out to be a good song. still needs a concrete vocal part. and the lyrics are ever-changing with the days. i will have it soon. closer and closer. i hope its well received. hmm im tired. i should nap. or not. i should go to bed at 11ish tonight. and ill try to make a crazy bear do the same. ;) i need to read some chem chapters too. hmm. oooh well.

i really need to stop keeping her up so late. i feel bad. and i need to not go to bed at 4:30 in the morning. yesterday was fun. i actually did something. i went swimming with ida and hannah and delores. it was fun. excercise. the pool is always fun. ida is always fun. then dinner was fun too. good food. great people to eat dinner with. minus the flying ketchup and soda top lids ;) haha. then there was hangin out. drivin around, wandering around sports authority acquiring outfits. then more chillage. driving around always used to be boring until now. then i watched tv and movies at ida's...until like 3:30. sooo late. so tired. but i have to go sometime. so i came home. i made it home without getting mugged or run over. so thats a plus. so now i just woke up and its time for breakfast. have fun.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY


"Lullaby"

Woke up yesterday
with you on my mind
so afraid of running out of time
so come around again and i'll show you what i mean
And you can tell me
exactly what you need
and we can talk all night (we can talk all night)
and i will sing you lullabies (i will sing you lullabies)
not every arrow is pointed straight at your heart
sorry for the time i said too much
i was so afraid that you would fall out of touch
and we can talk all night (we could talk all night)
and i will sing you lullabies (i will sing you lullabies)
not every arrow is pointed straight at your heart
so come around again (so come around again)
and we can talk all night
so come around again, so come around again
and we can talk all night (and we can talk all night)
i will sing you
lullabies

rockin from here to infirmary - alkaline trio
....man this takes me back to late march early april last year...back when it was sunny and warm...where did it go?

well blogger is being stupid and not even showing up soooo ill just write stuff in here and post later. i havent really posted in here in a while. just little updates here and there. ive been thinking a lot lately. i mean a lot. i have nothing else to do really. just been thinkin about everything in general. mostly her. its hard not to. she's always on my mind. i care about her soo much and its just great :) ive been thinking a lot about trust too and how hard it is for me to trust anyone. there are very few people i trust. my parents arent even among them. they probably should be, but what they did to me, although it was probably for my best interest and sanity, has bent the trust i had in them. it really shouldnt have but it did. its hard for me to trust girls too. another heartbreak would not at all be good for me. it always people get bored of me and fall in love with someone else and im left broken hearted on the floor, my tears slipping under the back door.(saves the day/alkaline trio ref...hah) this time its completely different though. i trust her. im not as scared too give her my trust. it feels right. i just hope it doesnt get crushed but i cant see that coming so yeah...i dont know what the point of this post is, just my thoughts of late. everythings good. i need to be reassuring and non-scary. i dont worry anymore. thats probably the most apparent thing. at least i dont think i do. when im exhausted, things get to me easier, but they usually are nothing. and later on i think about it, and they arent. that trust has put down all my fears. its nice. i hate having things that shouldnt bother me, get to me. now that they dont, im so much more at ease. and i know it was upsetting and annoying that i felt that way. now its all gone and good.

another random bit ive been thinkin about. well i guess two things. i was raised a certain way. its part of the foundation of my being and mind that women are to be treated with the utmost respect and no less, ever. it appalls me to know that women are treated badly and with little respect. i just cant fathom why anyone would want to do that. i dont get why some men have to feel so fucking superior. misogynistic chauvenist bastards. its just bull shit. its just wholly wrong in my eyes and there's not much i can do to stop it and it makes me upset at the thought of it. maybe one day people(men) will learn...and then there's "nigger". i was raised as that was as bad a word as "fuck"; worse in most cases. where as i use "fuck" countless times a day, i have only used that word once in my entire life. its such a derogatory word and is oddly used so many times these days. this also appalls me. its just one of those things that shouldnt be said. just one of those morally wrong things. i dont know. there a lot of things about society that i dont like and dont approve of there isnt time or space to put in here. so talk to me about it if you feel like it...

on happier notes, ive been hanging with robert and ida mostly these days. theyre the best friends, and girlfriend :) i could ever ask for. things are good. time for me to go off and do nothing. pro-bably guitar. at least until 10. oh, and fuck yeah with the no school tomorrow and friday. :) out.

such a good song...

Jude Law And A Semester Abroad

Whatever poison is in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff.
But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at.
He owes me one last wish.
So here's a present to let you know I still exist.
I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.

But I got a plan. Drink (drift) for forty days and forty nights.
A sip for every second-hand tick.
And for every time you fed me the line,
“you mean so much to me...”. I'm without you.

Tell all the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.
Tell the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.

And even if her plane crashed tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me,
by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea.
“Jess, I still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you.”
And all this empty space that you create does nothing for my flawless sense of style.
It's 8:45. The weather is getting better by the hour.
I hope it rains there all the time.
And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied.
I'm without you.

Tell all the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.
Tell the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say

Who would do anything you say.

Never gonna get it right
Your never gonna get it(x15)

Okay, no more songs about you. After this one I'm done. You're gone. You're never gonna get it right.

So tell all the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.
tell the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say

yesterday went wonderfully as planned. i got everything cooked and done at the same time, and didnt burn the sauce, although i almost did. haha meh. she liked it :) it made me happy. she got me a red sweater and some silk boxers. man such greatness. classic mr beans that i havent seen in sooo long. good times. first time ive done anything special for someone special on valentine's day. now to wait around until 5. i have no life. hah.

well well well, what have we over there? dont throw up kelly

today was aaaaawesome. big day, at least a big day for me. got my eyebrow pierced this morning. didnt hurt nearly as much as i thought it would. just sore. and puffy :( itll be all gravy soon. so that was good. then i went with ida to get her gecko and man oh man. it escaped in her room. and its tail somehow magically detacthed during its capture haha. and it was still moving, the nonattacthed tail part. gross but cool haha. so then i go on me and ida's first real date in the 2 and a half months weve been together. it was greatness. we ate food at marathon. and then shanghai knights was viewed at the local movie viewing establishment. tonight was soo much fun i cant believe it. it was all weee and yay. hehe. shes the mst wonderful girl there is, so extra specially great, and she likes me :) she really like sme :) hehe she makes me so happy i cant believe it. messing around with golf clubs and assorted pillows in target and value city is fun:) gaah she drives me crazy....."im insane with anger!!" hehe except wiht joyousness. everytime i see her i cant help but smile. sometimes i try not to smile, try to be cool ya know? but yeah. never works. i cant not smile when im around her or when i look at her. i started randomly laughing in the car with her. i never do that unless im really happy. all i did was look at her and bam!! i was smiling soo much and i was overjoyed. im tired. time for mr hole in the eyebrow to go to bed. out.

so true :)
a beautiful girl can make you dizzy. like uve been drinking jack and coke all morning. she can make you feel high. full of the single greatest commodity known to man. promise. promise of a better day. promise of a greater hope. promise of a new tomorrow. this particular aura can be found in the gate of a beatiful girl. in her smile. and in her soul. and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be okay.

stolen from laura's profile.

well, yeah

ooh man oh man. wonderfulness :) i went swimming yesterday with ida. it was fun. nice heated pool. i hadnt been swimming in soo long. and oh my god. she was soo good looking in that little orange bathing suit. i just couldnt believe it. i was all flustered. aaaaieee. i cant stop thinking about her. its crazy. i havent felt like this for quite a many moon. the happiness that she brings me is amazing. shes always on my mind. just sitting there pokin my head occasionally. she makes me all clumsy and silly around her. :) im out of words...just smiles and butterflies and fluttery heart. gooood night. indeed i will have sweet dreams. guess of who...;)

You are Chris Carrabba of Dashboard Confessional!


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chilly nights along lonely roads. street lights that flash six times before anything drives by. the quiet is mesmorizing. you cant help but notice every sound and feel every movement. its all still.

today was good. restful. chill. saw ida :) made me happy. i always feel so great when i see her. its amazing the way she makes me feel and always makes my day. god the feeling of holding her close, or even feeling her hand is just overwhelmingly special. yeeah im a dork. whatcha gonna do about it? :) got scared. and bit :p then walked home. tired. food. out.

Wolf


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YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WoODCHUCK!!!


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Congradulations! you are a hopeless romantic...
you love to be in love- regardless of who with. You
could also be classified as a drama queen/or
maybe eevn gay, good luck wiht keeping a
girlfriend bevause youll probably scare her of
soon.


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