I don't know how it feels?! you think you're the only person on earth who wakes up every morning wishing there was someone else?!

its 1:54 am....today was excellent. soo much fun. ill fill in the details tomorrow...well i guess today...just later. night all...out.

music: poison the well - nerdy

Why do your eyes paralyze me
What makes me feel this way
Just carry me away with silence and heartbeats
As rapid thinking about your embrace
and how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever
Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given the chance to fly
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone
I remember your face / imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful / as the sounds of waves
crashing against my heart
Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this / infatuated with you
It's so hard for me to understand why
I hadn't found you before don't dull away
hold my hand

go me sucking at life :(

what did i do? how did i come across that way?? i dont know what i did. i love her so much. theres nothing i can do. she doesnt believe me. i feel so helpless and confused and lost. well i must have done something cos she feels that way now. :( fuck me. i always fuck something up. this is the most true thing ive felt, ive never been so comfortable. i cant lose her. i just cant. my world would completely crumble. im so very vulnerable. i need her. and ive had this talk, kids this young shouldnt be needing eachother...but what happens when you do? i dont know. sleep. : \

too lazy to write right now. many "adventures" today due to my slowness. sigh im sorry guys. well im tired and i have to put away my clothes or im in trouble ;) out.

music: thrice - in years to come

i want to take the bullet,
the one aimed straight for your heart,
i want to meet the wolves halfway,
and let them tear me apart.
but that's not the way they do it here.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean.
yeah its a different kind of love,
i want to climb barbed wire fences
and warm our hands in blood.

and this is my gift,
is asking you to fix
my ruined hands.
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and right now its all i have to give.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean
i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean

i want to write the perfect song,
and play it just for you,
while you are tangled up in sleep.
i need you more than ill ever know
until i stop breathing
my lungs will take you for granted.

rejoice o young man in thy youth...



I am a stereotypically punk cat.


Which silly animal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


today was alright. well for me. not for my love. so it started out having a crazy ass dream, though now, 14 hours later i have no idea what it was about. then cleaned and helped my neighbor "bucket" out toooons of water from his basement/driveway/garage...then clean a tad more. my room is reeeal clean now. then went to visit my baby and talk and chill and try to make things better. dont know if i succeeded but i tried. then DDRed. tired. installing updates. out. night. i love you ida :)

the new bionic man cd is so killer. god. im a dork haha. rockin out to my own band. haha oh well. we are so good :) today was fun. tomorrow is pig roast. tonight i sleep. out. tonight i love eyeduh ;)

yeah yeah i havent updated in a while....not so any longer. i donwnloaded this thing that will hopefully automatically post the music i am listening to. we shall see if it works. aaaanyways. saw bruce almighty with jackie and ida last night. awesome movie. i loved it. i love ida more. more and mroe every day. never thought possible. so wonderful. and yes i am aware that i am not really talking in complete sentences but ooooh well. man i i have been getting so good at dance dance revolution. im gonna kick ass then ill go the arcade and blow everyone away. i just have to let my leg heal. cos i went all out yesterday and i havent been conditioned to it yet so my right leg is a taaad bit sore. oh well. im off to clean and launder. out.

well hello lil miss sweety! your heart is made out
of chocolate. you're sweet and every one wants
you, you're mysterious. lucky you, you are
totally irresistable, enjoy life, you deserve
it


what is your heart made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

under the driver's side windshield wiper...did you get it? i hope you did.

that pit in my stomach of confusion is back. or maybe im just hungry...

phwew.....just got in from mowin my neighbors lawn. fun stuff. haha. its actually fun. and excercise so im going to do this for a while. now i smell like gas. yum.

wow. i havent posted in here in a while. ive been hanging out with ida like crazy. i love her more and more every day. its amazing. even to a certain point. i think you know the one. when i left your house on saturday night. so yeah. on saturday we chilled then went DDR-ing at city place. im getting better. and ida is just kicking ass. something just clicked or soemthing. cos now she jusd blows everything away. i wish i could say that i was that good. alas i suck. ooh well. maybe one day ill be half as good as she is. hmm lets see. i have been working on recording guitar stuffs on my computer. its coming along ok. i just need to get a better voice. i dont like the way i sing. then again, i like it when i hear it, but when its recorded, it sounds odd to me. but i guess thats how it always is. ap chem is over. NHS obligations are filled. lets see...i think all my stressing things are gone. except for what to do this summer. i need to talk to shane about it. so danny turned in my ikea application today when he went for his interview. hopefully i will get a call and an interview and a job. i really need one of dem janxes. well now i must be off to ponder things and sleep. i need so much rest these days. and then i get grumpy when im tired and hungry. im sorry. well im off. good day to you.

Music Industry Major at Drexel (how tight is this? except it looks like 6 years...)

First Term 16
HUM 101 Composition 3 cr
UNIV 101 The Drexel Experience 2 cr
MUSC 121 Music Theory I 3 cr
MUSC 141 Applied Music I 2 cr
MUSC 133 Computer Applications in Music 3 cr MUSC 190 Beginning Class Piano 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Second Term 16
HUM 102 Reading & Research 3 cr
UNIV 102 The Drexel Experience 2 cr
MUSC 122 Music Theory II 3 cr
MUSC 142 Applied Music II 2 cr
MUSC 135 Acoustics 3 cr
MUSC 290 Advanced Class Piano 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Third Term 16
HUM 103 Tech of Analysis & Evaluation 3 cr
MUSC 123 Music Theory III 3 cr
MUSC 125 Ear Training I 1 cr
MUSC 143 Applied Music III 2 cr
MUSC 137 Sound Reinforcement 3 cr
MUSC 138 Digital Audio Production 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Fourth Term 16
MATH 101 Intro Analysis I 4 cr
PHYS 121 Physical Science for Design I 4 cr
MUSC 126 Ear Training II 1 cr
MUSC 227 Listen. Tech/Music Prod. 1 cr
MUSC 229 Orchestration & Arranging 3 cr
MUSC 241 Applied Music IV 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Fifth Term 15
MATH 102 Intro Analysis II 4 cr
PHYS 122 Physical Science for Design II 4 cr
MUSC 127 Ear Training III 1 cr
MUSC 242 Applied Music V 2 cr
MUSC 279 Recording I 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Sixth Term 15
COMM 230 Techniques of Speaking 3 cr
MUSC 243 Applied Music VI 2 cr
MUSC 261 Music Business I 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Science Elective 3 cr

Seventh Term 15
ACCT 111 Financial Accounting 3 cr
MUSC 231 Music History I 3 cr
MUSC 323 Songwriting 3 cr
MUSC 379 Recording II 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr

Eighth Term 15
STAT 311 Quantitative Analysis I 3 cr
MUSC 232 Music History II 3 cr
MUSC 361 Music Business II 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr

Ninth Term 15
ECON 211 Microeconomics 3 cr
MUSC 479 Recording Session 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr
Free Electives 3 cr

Tenth Term 16
MKTG 311 Marketing Management 3 cr
MUSC 461 Music Business III 3 cr
MUSC 331 World Musics 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
Free Electives 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr

Eleventh Term 16
MUSC 455 Audio for Video 3 cr
MUSC 338 American Popular Music 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
BLAW 211 Legal Options 3 cr
Free Electives 6 cr

Twelfth Term 13
FIN 311 Financial Management 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
Free Electives 9 cr
TOTAL 184 cr

38th and Webster

shiiiiiit im tired. wonderful day. it was simply bliss. everything was perfect. yaaawn. im off to sleep. out. i love you, ida :)

11 :)

well i havent updated in a while. ive been quite the busy fellow. wiht ap chem test on tuesday and chilling. and sleeping. im tired. i need to go to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight. rest for tomorrow!!! sweeeeet. gonna rock. oh. i keep getting this damn virus cos it gets in people's address book and sends to everyone on your list. soooo go to 'search' in the start menu, and look for this file...jdbgmgr.exe if you have it, whatever you do, do not open it. delete it right away then empty it from the recycle bin. its a fuckin annoying virus. sooo help try to keep it under control.

ok so now on to better things...likeee my ida :) not a day goes by that she doesnt amaze me more and more. its just so wonderful and perfect. everything is just bliss. sure there are a couple bumps in the road along the way, but getting through those is what matters. and its allll gravy. so happy. lets see. today i went to city place with ida and jackie and chilled and ate. then went hot tubbing. always fun. i was really tired though. i jsut wanted to float in the water. its weird but it feels so cool to just let out a bunch of air, then stay perfectly still, and be suspended in the water. it feels so awesome haha. yeah im a dork but whatever. i think i will see the matrix tomorrow. i have heard mixed reviews soo i will have to see. i think i will like it though. i got this crazy ass computer science project to do...200 points. its impossible, but i think i will manage. ooo loook. there goes ida through my head again. always managing to be on my mind. crazy girl. well once i get my scanner working again, i will maybe scan some pics i have of me and her. hehe. she will object but whatever. ok im out.

music: from autumn to ashes - capeside rock ; "too bad youre beautiful"

The sound of my breath flutters past your ear
Tearing down fear
Grasp your heart strings by their frayed ends to choke down the feeling left inside
The sands of time slide down your cheek in the form of liquefied dreams
Each one stands for more than the next
You give yourself to all but you
To take all you had and give all thats left
How could you have been so blind?
The shallow waters that you come upon, show how empty your life truly is
You look into the vast nothingness to see something that is not there
You try to discern where to go from here
You try to make sense of this confusion that you have inside (your heart)
And how you can get there.
[this van is on a one way trip we'll rock it straight to hell,
our Crue is Motley and our theatres filled with pain,
across the creek and into your home,
be there by eight because she doesn't want you any other way]
But by a force unknown (held back)
Deep inside you, your veins tied in knots
Bind your blistering hands
To keep you in this world forsaken
As you leave your wilting soul behind.

take her to the music store; "too bad youre beautiful"

Emotionless grey skies bleed somber dreams of sorrow
Blackened unseen heart tears a virgins godlike innocence from its pristine palace
Paint sarcastic smiles upon new wounds
Tears of misery stain scar filled minds
Hatred new like tomorrow flows from bitter memories
Purity now embraced by sinful ideals why
Lifeless tomb rests weary with prowling peering eyes
Silence falls upon deaf ears covered by night
Alone in thought, shaking
Biting tongues of lead at unfit moments
Screaming disbelief with no faith in site

[and her disgust has no borders, no limits to strive for,
she bends and breaks to the rules set by the weak]

She's finally seen she's a beautiful girl with a smile so grand she could stop the world
Stolen her skin he sews her mouth shut, means nothing to him, her screams just die out
As she cries out here voice dies out
As she cries out her voice dies out
Love once inside her heart, lay in my hands
Was it asked for?
Was it implied?
What could have been done?
Inside her mind dies.

13

today was nice. started out yesterday with recording wiht bionic man then a show at WMUC. it was an alright show. then i went to ida's work. (friday ;) ) theen we went to wal mart in bowie to buy stuffs for mothers day then home. haha i saw home movies of mini ida haha soo cute. theeeen we hung out til like 5:30 when i went home haha. sooo late. hmm. theeeen went to bed until like 12 or something. theeeeen sitting around and laundry doing. lots of "theeeens" today. so for dinner me and ida went to bennigans in greenbelt. good food. i had a 10 oz steak. quite good and only $16 for steak, 2 dinner rolls, green beans and a drink. good deal and good food. then we came back here and rested and watched tv. she went home and i am tired. i go to sleep now. good night all.

music: juliana theory - do you believe me?

When you tried to build me up with the wrong words
All it did was kill me
And when you said trust in all that I feel
I never quite believed you
And when you tried to help me out by telling me that we she should be at disagree
So hold me up
And you should see
You're not supposed to be my enemy

I know your side
I understand
But you can let me feel it safe in my hands
Your every word is full of doubt
I never ever had to wait till now to let it out
If this is how it's got to be
It will never be easy

You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

So let me breathe
Just let me be
I'd show you more than
you could ever hope to see

Intentions are the same I find
But even if they are, still need room to shine
So give it time, and give it space
This isn't just a slap across your face
If this is how, it's got to be
I will never speak freely

Do you believe in me?
Believe in me now
Do you believe me?
You gotta believe, gotta believe me
Do you believe me?
You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

...so tired...

man im exhausted. so yeah. tour seems to be july 6th to august 11th. so frickin long. across the country. what a time that will be. ive never been that far away from home and for so long...jeez.


music: lifetime - the gym is neutral territory

Why find a nice way to tell you you suck? I hate your guts. You act so boring. And if you don't stop those looks I'm gonna poke you in the eye. Who are you anyway? You think you're second to none. Keep your fuckin' eyes off of me. You fuckin' creep. Get you're fuckin' hands out of my pockets. You fuckin' thief. Why find a nice way to tell you you suck? I hate your guts. You act so boring. And if you don't stop those looks I'm gonna poke you in the eye. Who are you anyway? You think you're second to none. Keep your fuckin' eyes off of me. You fuckin' creep. Get you're fuckin' hands out of my pockets. You fuckin' thief. And all you kids, so smart, with your cool looks. Don't you know? Stop talking about all the stuff that gets you pist. Don't you know? Keep your hands inside your pockets and draw deep breaths, and fumble for the right words. Put your hands inside your pockets and draw blank stares. You're living in the real world. Start a band. Throw a brick. You're laziness just makes me sick. Start a band. Throw a brick. You're laziness just makes me sick, cause the gym is neutral territory.

stupid 3 hour long ap chem test....


music: juliana theory - if i told you this was killing me..

watch your mouth hold your toungue boy, because you're running out of breath, running out of time before every careless word that you utter, renders you utterly useless.
now you're drowning in your own saliva, trying to speak yourself to the top of your empty world. well keep on talking just keep on rambling, you've got your mouth full.
now listen here's the pleasant part: you and i we fell apart.
why don't you make up your mind
shut your mouth burn your bridges throw your words like an attack and stab me in the wait a second what's that i just heard? nevermind it's obviously worthless. now you're standing on your soapbox yelling from the rooftops. everything you say is a lie
now listen here's the clever one, who speaks before his thoughts are done
why can't you make up your mind?
watch your mouth hold your tongue, some things are better left unsaid, now i hope you're pleased
you let your pride stand tall, it danced within your words right before your fall
why don't you say that to my face? everything you, everytime you, every word you say!! if i told you this was killing me would you stop?

..and she screamed claudio, dear claudio... i wish goddamnit we'll make it if you believe
p.s. thanks lucy

today was excellent. went to school. did okay in chem. first sucked and was boring. theeen after second we were like fuck school and dipped. lunch at old country buffet in laurel. sketchy as shit place to eat. but good food so it evened out. i got to eat lunch with ida :) and jackie was there too. man i got left out in the rain after second cos ida left cos i was a few minutes too long getting out haha. ooh well. at least i didnt have to go back into school. theeeen after lunch we wented to jeepers where i won like 300 or so tickets frmo this one game alone. awesone. lets see. then came home and napped with ida. sooo great. i feel so comfortable and peaceful and at home wiht her. nevermind the fact that i was in my home. but you knwo what i mean. it was just pure bliss. i love my ida. now time to do that practice ap chem test. of i go. out.

goddamn they are soo good.
music: coheed and cambria - everything evil

wait for... everything evil in you comes out. i'll stay when we'll only motivate sound instead, sergeant make for the table... in hopes that i won't be afraid again. call when enabled and send the leader out against... i will stage a reenactment in a false pretense exist inflict. unworthy unconsciousness why debate when the actions suppressed then kill the acquitted. listen... to the sounds that remain in question in hopes... to solidify a truce amongst the children and the jury that stands the verdict alive here among the dead. evolve monstar show me the things that i've never wanted done evolve monstar do to me the things i never wanted done.
i i felt much better than this before. if they find out to avoid then the accidents kept hidden away but if they stay...
blood hungry cannibalistic unfit family ties in a series of knocks to the young girl's head side. come write me a letter and paste it on my refrigerator door. inspected inspector i think we've found something over here.
jesse!!! just come look at what your brother did here he did away with me. stay until wednesday and write me a child-like letter pretending
at war here in thursday let's make this our last day at home by the fence.
would you run...? would you run? would you run down past the fence...?...and she screamed claudio, dear claudio, i wish god damn it we'll make it if you believe... f.b.i.

JEZZUS drives a jag...

maaaan yeah ok so i said i was gonna update today...but you know how that goes. lazyness. did too much today. haha. well yeah went to petsmart with the ida and she got some crickets and stuffs, and i got a fish, and some fish food, among other aquisitions. im a bad kid. doop dee doo. now im starving. time for food. got back from seeing phone booth 30 minutes ago. i thought it was a good movie. i liked it. suspensful. made me try to figure it out and i couldnt until 30 minutes frmo the end.i rearranged my stereo today, for easier access. aand ummmmm chilled. didnt do much of anything. dont know why im tired. guess ill go to bed now. out.

music: juliana theory - for evangeline

in one night you made me your own the deepest embrace's creation i layed there for days and you forgot in one night you made me your own in one hour you gave me away to the angels you sent me up to the sky now their wings fan the heat from the face you'll never see the hair you'll never smell the little hands you'll never hold now i am but a silhouette down there a silhouette of a memory of a solitary night nothing more.

what's number 3??

everything is better. i am soo glad. it was tearing me apart. i love her so much and that break made me hurt. but now things are all better. thanks to lucy and midnight walks of randomness. which was very nice. we agreed to learn from this. now i shall eat. i just couldnt eat. i was so upset i couldnt eat. which is odd cos im always eating. nothing has ever made me so upset that i couldnt eat. she means so much to me. such a relief. two of the longest days ever. all good now. sleep. updates tomorrow. out.

I will sing you lullabies
I will sing you to sleep
I will leap up to the sky
to do anything for you

Words just arent enough to tell you
the feelings inside me, for the look in your eyes
soft lullabies float from my lips as we lay here
cuddled and warm. soft lullabies.

can i sing you to sleep?
gently whisper sweet nothings to you?
quietly nuzzle your cheek,
can i sing you to sleep?

"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this
night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race
from self control your legs are smooth
as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My
heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and
the time on the clock when we realized
it's so late and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
but you meant it and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it, that you meant it,
and I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.

:)

"I'm Dying Tomorrow"

I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right
Did I remember to sleep in
Take lots of pills
Commit irreversible sins
Did I at least try to kiss the prettiest girl
At the right time
Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine
Did I remember to say cheers
Did I rat least try to make sure everybody had a good time
Had the best time
Did I remember to stay up late
Drinking for the fun
Singing for the taste
Did I run outside to kiss the rain
Under electrical skies
I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right

---

"You're Dead"

What the hell is your name
And can you explain this mess
It seems your playing a game
Where you only know how to take out the best
Cause if assholes could fly
This place would be busier than O'Hare
There's proof in the sky
It's as thick as our skulls yet it's thinner than air
I have something to say
If the chip off your shoulder should fall to your chest
Get it off right away
Cause if you don't then it won't be in peace that you rest
It's just a matter of time
That we all go away to a better place I'm told
It all sounds well and fine
But without you around I feel nothing but cold
And I now have nothing
But your heartbeat in my head
And a photograph of my traveling friend
And I became nothing when I found you were dead
When I found out I'd never see you again
And all the time they took talking in circles
To get them off the hook would take miracle workers
We're nowhere near prepared there's
no way of knowing
Why don't they just admit they're scared
Cause its already showing

ok, so ive decided that for a while, unless i find something to say that has a point, i will post lyrics to songs that i like at the moment. sooo lyricscafe here i come

well...well. nothing more to say. i dont know what to say. going to see phone booth with robert tonight. that should be good. i heard it was realyl good and i really want to see it. so for now i will sit online, staring off into space, maybe lay down until i get any IMs. im a loser. ooh well. ill just keep blasting the music.

music: prodigy-climbatize

talking makes me feel better. i dont feel as distant and yeah...im a mess of thoughts. 5 months today. and only a few words and glances. its only been a day. and its killing me. its not that its the space. its the decision we made. to be apart. it hurts me real bad inside. the wait and the uncertainty. through and through, i love you ida.

Music: dane cook: christ chex

time for me to be depressed :(

well, today has turned out quite wonderfully....holding back crying all day is exhausting. it was so hard to get out of bed this morning. i just feel so empty inside. it could be this pit i constantly have in my stomach since yesterday afternoon, but im betting its something else. what am i gonna do? i cant be seen. i wish there was something i could do. i have to wait, uncertain of almost everything to come. i dont know what to do with myself. i cant stop thinking about it. and it just makes me want to hide. more later. time to program