man work is exhausting...and i dont get to see my ida...stupid work. taking away my time :( its fun and all...just no iba...sigh...itll all work out...cos ill have bling bling. its so hot in here right now. time for the AC, dawg....hmm so yeah...not too much to write in here...im busy. tired. working. in love. the sims is fun....i fiiiinally got it to work on my computer....it was beign dumb..and i really dont know why...except that the graphics card might have not worked with it. buuut its still in my cpu, and it works now....soooo yeah i dont know. so for now i guess ill download more movies....well no io wont cos im running oiut of space...where's my pay check...stupid governemtn taking ass long to get it to me...hmpf...well im off to play games...asta la pasta


what warning label are you?


Music: Everything You Want - [Vertical Horizon]

yaaaay it wooorked

Music: Timberwolves at New Jersey - [Taking Back Sunday]

i love you

music: dashboard confessional - for you to notice...

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me

man ive been so busy lately. work is fun but tiring. and it takes up so much time of my summer. i cant see my ida as much as i used to :( that sucks so much you dont even know. going from seeing her for so long every day, to seeing for a half hour at lunch, then for a little after work. just doesnt work. sigh. i will make time. it will all be the same. do not worry. itll all turn out nice...you'll see. i love you so much ida. im sorry sometimes im just completely exhausted and am a little grumpy. or if im not as chipper adn bouncy as i usually am. so yeah...work is good. i dont get paid til like 1.5 weeks after the pay period ends. so i dont get money for a long time :( damn government haha. well its good pay though. so now i wait for you to wake up. and i eat breakfast. out.

wooo...these last few days have been hectic...well not so much hectic as tiring. first three days of work. 24 hours of work already...i make $7.29/hr....good deal. and i work 8 hrs a day every day. bling bling hahaha. ok so now im home. downloading sooo much shit from people. gotta love broadband. but yeah. at work, the group im workin with is doing research into the nitrogen, phosphorus, and carbon uptake of plants. we're also seeing whether adding certain amounts of N, P, and/or C, will give rise to a larger number of plants. we're going to have to gather soooooo many samples. and we have to get on our hands and knees in 95 degree hit in the mud, and clip each sample species we find in each of 27 2x1 m plots. tiring as hell. but i like it for some reason :) so yeah. we're going to have to grind them up and "digest" them with sulfuric acid and test for the C, N, and P contents of the plant. fun stuff. cool people. tomorrow i go in at 7 or 7:30....gotta enter some data into excel. its a fun job. sucks cos i dont really have much time anymore. "we're the couple that never has time" :( ill make time....but ida's leaving. its all for a good cause and everything. i dont mind that she's leaving for it. but you know, i still will always want her to stay. but hey, its only 7 days....7 long ass days. sigh. i love her more and more every day. and yeah i said i wasnt going to put this "mushy" stuff up anymore. but hey. whatever. i love my ida :) off to eat ribs for dinner. and i gots a show tonight. 7:30 at the bionic man house in cottage city. be there, i will.

just some old quotes and stuff from archives...god some of the stuff i wrote. i was such a loser hahah. oh well.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

"One of the quickest ways to become exhausted is by suppressing
your feelings." - Sue Patton Thoele

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone."
Jack Handey

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work. - Gallagher

"It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."
Garry Marshall

Be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Suess

A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent. - William Blake

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us is nothing compared to what lies within us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

"My life, my real life, was in danger, and not from anything other people might do but from the hatred i carried in my own heart" - James Baldwin

"every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure. i dont want to close my eyes. i dont want to fall asleep cos ill miss you babe, and i dont wanna miss a thing. cos even when i dream of you the sweetest dream will never do. i still miss you babe and i dont wanna miss a thing."



[ Monday, April 15 ]
good old kirby eating my floor and crawling through my walls
**(the big mouse's first appearance ;) )**

[04 Mar 2002|06:34pm]
so...ive decided that im gonna get an eyebrow ring....and grow me some dreds....ill prolly forget about my hair for a while and cut it....but ima try not too....hmm i had an ok day..im cold.... hahah old blogger (livejournal) entries...took me long enough for the eyebrow ring...dreds...yeah doesnt look like i have them now.

denial
anger
petitioning
depression
acceptance

further seems forever....so good...chris carabba's emo/rock band from florida....they rock. its cool to hear him sing to something differnt. he rocks my world. my idol. haha im a dork. so yeah. im furiously downloading stuff...i need to rest for kings dominion tomorrow...itll rock..even though amusement parks arent my faaaavorite places in the world. i havent been there in so long. itll be tight. soo tired. yaaaaaaaaaawn.....goood night all.

music: dashboard rock ;)

ugh.....someone sent me a trojan and i had to spend a few hours trying to fucking fix it....it sucks so much..i think i got it quarantined nice and well. so it wont get out and infect....sigh....i couldnt delete it or fix it...tomorrow is pictures....now is sleep...night....im a physical science technician.....how cool is that??! haha im a dork

music: a friend too far - old shirts

all i heard was screeching tires
and you were gone
just up and left me on the road
drowing in the pouring rain

i cant wait for tomorrow
when i wake up and this all was a dream
my whole life just a joke and my heart never torn
ill lay awake on my lonely mattress wishing,
goddamn i wish it was warm

yeah well can i learn to leave you alone?
ill never learn to live with myself
this takes all i have
all i am is nothing without me.

i wont be ignored, ill just ignore myself
and maybe you'll go away.
never wear your heart on your sleeve
your shirt will get ripped

oh man warped tour this year is gonna kick so much ass!! the ataris. glsassjaw, the used, less than jake, poison the well, taking back sunday, thrice, the starting line, the all american rejects, brand new, coheed and cambria, river city high....and rancid and pennywise and dropkick murphy's and andrew wk.....the first bands would be who id wanna see though....itll rock. mm i like showers. im all clen and fresh. haha i watched "i love the 80s" on vh1 today. it was sooo tight. no matter how much the 80s may have sucked, i still like them....shit. i hope my sunburn goes away by thursday for my senior portraits. if it doenst ill jsut reschedule for next year. ill actually be a senior then anyway. and ill look older. buuuut oh well. ill see what happens. im definately gonna need some fashion advice from you know who so ill have a good "personality portrait." dum de dum. bleh. going to bed early tonight....i need a good nights sleep for once. ive been missing out lately. but thats cos i have other duties i needed to perform. people needed help so i help. no need to worry. its allllll good. out.

shopper's food warehouse, the 70's grocery store


yeah its been a while since i updated. im tired and lazy and busy. right now i am sooo fuckin exhausted. time for a nap later. yeeah well ill do some programming then go get my bass and amp. yeah so i got the job. its so tight. except the working everyday part. ill prolly be able to take off a few days here and there though. itll be a big money maker. saturday rocked although i did get sunburned. meh. i cant remember that far back. im all groggy. so hungry still. i ate so much food today when i got home. i love ida. we really dooo take care of eachother. all making sure we're both all good :) sigh. time for sleep.

music: dane cook

who now will sing me lullabies?

music: a friend too far - happily ever after

there was once something so much more
once upon a time...put us here
im not waiting anymore
obsolete fairy tales wont cut it
dreams of life and love just wont do

dont you just love treading ice cold water?
yeah well i fucking love it
keep your head above water
the silver linings are never enough

wrap your car around a tree
crush your skull on cold concrete
scrape the skin from your knees
i wish i had those times back

nows the time for lost loves and regrets
dont fairy tales come true?
heres to a sleepless night tonight

they lived happily ever after...
and i wish i could put us here

tiiiiiired. tomorrow is interview for the job day....i hope it goes well. and now. i sleep.

USDA called me back....got an interview on friday...i hope all goes well. i really need a job. even if it is full time over the summer. good money. well...yes... time for sleep...but i leave you with some emo...as usual.. :)

music: a friend too far - you could say i loved you

23 days ago, i wouldve said you knew me
you have no idea what you got me into
all this pain and strife while
your voice knocks me to the dirt

just like last time i get left alone
time to lay helpless on the kitchen floor
just like this time, its too late for me
4am is too late for us.

for everytime you hurt me, i slash a tire
for every day you ignored me, i drop a tear
for every tear i can do nothing about
i have no more tears
all the liquid in me was ripped out by you
and your games.

24 hours ago, you couldve said i loved you
would you kill me if you could?
would you do it if i handed you the knife?
get in your car and drive out of my life

another possible job...still at usda....full time....8:00 - 4:30....environmental quality laboratory....hopefully this will come through

switchfoot!! so good...

when they call for me ill be sitting at my desk with a gun in my hand wearing bullet proof vest singing "my my my how the time does fly when you know youre gonna die by the end of the night"

who needs to use uppercase letters anyway?

im at a loss as to what to do with this musical situation....ive got bionic man...good music. i really love the music. im gonna keep pushing the creative aspect of my playing, adding new things in, where i see fit. hopefully he will think they will work. god. i listen to this cd and its sooo good. it makes me change my mind so much. to think that i am a part of that. i play music with them. i mean theyre killer musicians. if i only i got to be really good friends with them. how sweet would that be? i dont think it could ever compare to what i had with 3 hour tour/vanzetti 27/time out of line....those were some of the best times of my life. i think about if i leave now, and cant tour due to lack of money, theyll make it big, and ill be left here regretting having ever left. this is so much fun but sometimes it kills me. music is my life. i dont know what i would do without it. i need to play with good musicians. ill stick with this for just a while longer. see how it goes. i need it. then again. what about waiting for college? thing is, if i stay here, fuck this scene dude. i mean goddamn! how many cliques are there? like 80 fuckin "im too hardcore for you emo kids", and "im too emo for your metal"..."we're all too good". you have to know everyone to get it. "we go to shows to show off and dance and throw punches fuck everyone up" god how i hate that. thats why you dont see me at shows anymore (if anyone ever did in the first place)...how many venues are they to play? like 2 or 3 in the area. and you have to be playign the right kind of music for the right kind of crowd and you have to know the leaders of all these shtity cliques. damn people.
oh well. maybe in philly the scene is better. in fact, i hear the scenes are better everywhere but here, well and new york....boston not too sure....california is all about the glam...oh well one day ill work it all out. ill be a rock star, you'll see. haha i know im already a rock star to some ;) quite a lot of ranting i am doing and stiiiill havent even got to what i did today (which was nothign so dont worry i wont take up too much more of your time)
ok so today i woke up, showered and went to breakfast at franklin's (french toast and bacon)....then home to make a cd, then chilled with rob, then laundry.....laundered myself again, then worked out...speaking of which, i need to get back to that....out.

music: dashboard confessional - for justin

It's been a year now since you were here now
and I've been trying to heal inside.
Dedications of how I placed
and I see your resemblance in my face
and on our birthday I said an extra wish for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up my grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away .
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

Displaying changes
that they have made
and I wonder if you really wanted it this way
and in your memory they even hung a plaque for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up these grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away.
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

okay so maybe a bit repetitive : p

“They came because they were afraid or unafraid, happy or unhappy. There was a reason for each man. They were coming to find something or get something, or to dig up something or bury something.

They were coming with small dreams or big dreams or none at all.

The first men were few, but the numbers grew steadily. There was comfort in numbers. But the first Lonely Ones had to stand alone…”


music: a friend too far - waiting for reality

tie one on
another one dies tonight
all these times all my friends fall away

i cant fall in to this pattern
where has my perfect little life gone?
once i felt so needed, now i swallow pills

abondoned hopes, empty fantasies
shattered dreams litter the floor of this
shrinking room of mattress and pen.

tie one on,
another dream fades tonight
another fake life comes to light

jump into place
step back and look
what are you doing?
how are you right?
how am i always wrong?

i spit on your sweet baby blues
ice cold flawless diamonds
that force that sparkle on me

you used me, built me up and tore me down
now who am i? who did you make me?
how is this all real?
i most surely am not

non-repetitive

well today i did things :) i figure i should stop saying i love ida eeevery frickin time i write in here sooooo....yea....i went to school. im rockin alkaline trio "good mourning" suuch a good cd..i played guitar at st. jerome's class of 03. that was cool cos i dont really play guitar in front of anyone. especiall that many people. i saw some old friends that i went to grade school with. im all nostalgic now cos they were the kids i grew up with. my best friends. ok so now im off the phone with eeduh so i can write...in case you couldnt tell there was a 15 minute pause from when i stopped writing at "best friends..." til now. hm so yeah it was fun playing again. seeing people. nostolgia is sweet and fleeting. but heartbreaking nonetheless...i finished my computer science programs...so much rejoicing when they work the way theyre supposed to. its magic. so i have one more to write. a prime number one. i have to input a number, have the program determine whether or not its prime, then list all the prime numbers less than the number that was entered. oh, and i have to display the next greater prime number.....all from 2-1000....itll take forever. and its due tomorrow. oh well. ill bullshit it as much as i can. except...thats the fatal flaw. computers require perfection...complete perfection...human error significantly interferes with its operation....(the problem with 'the matrix') so yeah...ill do as much as i can....which is pretty much just say if its prime or not....i got that down...damn if-else/while/for loops...aye....i must finish reading a book by tomorrow too...thats easy...the martian chronicles by ray bradbury...quite an excellent book. half done....now i am out....no songs today ;)

music: a friend too far - sweet dreams becca

im so bored with myself
this all is so bland
too many nights under the bridge
too many falls down by the 7-11

fly by night
sleep by day
more and more
i drink my life away

could it be that those days are gone?
down by the pond where we used to sit
whispering our dreams, bearing our souls

so sweet dreams tonight
i hope youre happy
dream fucking pretty
like the fake "i love you's" you swore
sweet fucking dreams

one girl way too many
this is part three i hope youre ready

music : a friend too far - rain as angels (ask me to hear it sometime...its really good)

rain beats away at the broken window
its so cold out there, that i cant feel my heart
as for me im stuck in here alone
there in that world of love and hurt

your smell lingers here
id like to sing to you, sing you to sleep
but youre not here and its been too long
since ive seen you running to me

rain falls like angels on my broken window
it hurts so much out there
there in that world so wet and cold
as for now ill stay safe here at home

why do i never go out? (why do i?)
why do i never fall down? (why do i?)
i scream the requiem of this night
here i fall, there fall my dreams

june came too early this year
and its cold as march.

let us not look back in regret, nor forward in fear, but around us in awareness

eeeeeeh sick...thanks ida :) always looking out for me and takin car of me. i love you. now i sleep and get better. out.

music: the early november - i want to hear you sad

Looking in your eyes
Praising every moment because you're my only light
Reading the stares at your passion that bears me now
Shedding no little tears
The silence scares us more than leaving could

Come back
Please don't leave me now
I'll be all that you need in life
Because I can't live without you and
I know all that you need
I can give you everything
When you're so far you'll forget about me

Waiting by your side
Knowing every moment is closer to your flight
Upset with the past, but it's all that holds us now
Believing no lies, telling each other we'll be fine forever

But I'll wait
I could never leave those beautiful eyes
I know you're sorry
I know what you must be going through
And I feel sorry for you

But please don't leave me now

la la la i lovvve iiiiiida I-D-A :) wooooooooooooooooo!!! im a dork yeah yeah i know

sitting alone pondering it all, trying to understand...new concepts completely opposite my own, struggling to understand. i will.

its always dasy between my posts...always so busy being wiht ida. it was 6 months yesterday :) 1/32 of my life...something around that. quite a while. and many more to come. i love her so much. its so wonderful. so nooow i sit and wait for her to get off work so i can see her. if even for 15 minutes its so worthwhile. lets see we went to olive garden last night for our "monthaversary" dinner. it was quite excellently good. chicken alfredo, chicken giardino, garden salad, soup, 8 wicked breadsticks, chocolate lasanga (not realyl lasanga) and this good thing with whipped cream and stuffs so good. :) all for 35.49 sooo excellent. it all workde out perfectly. nooow back to waiting...i am going to eat better, be healthier over all. i have resolved. with a little puching from a big tough fluffy bear ;) she's right. i need to eat healthier. i need energy and need to be up and aboot more often. i need a job. that will help me get motivated. get off my lazy non-existent ass. aaaah. ive been sneezing for like 10 minutes straight. i think im broken. aiee. where was i? oh yes sitting...still doin that. maybe some guitar. speaking of which, i am playign guitar for the graduation music of my old elementary school. it should be fun. ive never played acoustic in front of that many people, or played with anyone for that matter. its so much fun to play with competent, talented musicians in that kind of setting. it should be fun. i really want to work at ikea. they've had my application for almost 2 weeks. ah well if i dont work there ill work at USDA in the chemistry department somewhere doing something. as long as its paid. well, as long as theyre not gonna whore me out im down. haha. noooow i shall end my senseless rambling and workout. out. in? yeeah out.

music: cranberries - ode to my family

Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me,
'Cause I've spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree.
Do you see me? Do you see? Do you like me?
Do you like me standing there? Do you notice?
Do you know? Do you see me? Do you see me?
Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn,
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me. Does anyone care?

Understand what I've become, it wasn't my desing.
And people ev'rywhere think, something better than I am.
But I miss you, I miss, 'cause I liked it,
'Cause I liked it, when I was out there. Do you know this?
Do you know you did not find me. You did not find.
Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn,
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me.

Does anyone care?...