would ya look at that, i have a life again...

A legacy that rots with time,
cold before it hits the ground,

I've been where those fears lie,
I've heard the screams from the inside
I know never look back,
When memories fade to flashes,
That trust was just a trap,
Look for my picture in the ashes

Deceit riding under a white flag,
A casualty of sincerity

I've been where those fears lie,
I've heard the screams from the inside
I know never look back,
When memories fade to flashes,
That trust was just a trap,
Look for my picture in the ashes

Dust on the gallows,
And not a tear in sight just like the old days,
Perfection is rotting from the inside out

A pale face that cracks with age,
A blank stare screaming with rage

I've been where those fears lie,
I've heard the screams from the inside
I know never look back,
When memories fade to flashes,
That trust was just a trap,
Look for my picture in the ashes

Sunken cheeks a lonely heart,
Sadistic seduction you know the part

i need to meet a really nice girl. someone completely new. that ive never met before. or maybe did once. but dont remember. just if only i knew how. cos as of now i have no idea what to do. then again i dont know where to meet such a girl. but see, i already know plenty of really nice girls. so i dont know what to do....out.

That's all right because you wish you were dead,
You live life with a hex over your head,
A saviour's mouth with a serpents tongue,
But don't forget you're like this with the chosen one,
And I forget about my losing streak,
But you never slip at a chance to remind,
It sounds like you should save a prayer for me,
But I'll take my chances with the unworthy.

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one,
I'll end up the lost son.

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one,
I'll end up being forgotten.

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one.

Swallow it all and wash it all down,
It must be the weight of that crown,
And all the lies seem to become me,
Because it's easier then the truth,
Failure the only thing that seems to matter,
It's not the fact that you're walking dead,

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one,
I'll end up the lost son.

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one,
I'll end up being forgotten.

And you know the quick path,
The righteous the way back,
I'll end up the only one.

So save a prayer for me,
Don't waste a prayer on me


mmm darkest hour...my theme band for anti-catholicism of 9th grade....and today still somewhat.

show tonight...i think tonight i will pass 3000 visitors to my page since march. dont know what that means. but its 3000. yaawn. tired. sleep sleep. today definately doesnt feel like a sunday. tomorrow wont be a monday.

Light breaks underneath a heavy door
And I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around us on our hotel floor
And you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge
And I struggled to get myself up again

I wanna hang onto something
That won't break away or fall apart
Like the pieces of my heart

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

And dreams came around you in a hazy rain
You opened your mouth wide to feel them fall
And I write a letter, from a one-way train
But i don't think you'll read it at all

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

And I can't take this anymore
Well I know that I can't take this anymore
I can't take this anymore
Cuz I know someday I'll see you walk out that door

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
So Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna leave?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

standing on the edge of morning
scent of sex and new found glory
playing as she's pulling back her hair
she drives away
she's feeling worthless
used again but nothing's different
she stayed the night
but knows he doesn't care

home by three
deafening quiet
the porch light's off
yes they forgot it
she cried herself to sleep
but she don't dare
then she wants to be a model
she wants to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

dressed by dawn and out the door
no light
she memorized the floor
so she could leave without being detected
she works till three
it's uniform
she dreams that he'll come by the store
she prays for days
the boys mean she's protected
and she wants someone to see her
she needs to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

and she won't sleep
she won't sleep
and she won't sleep
at all

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you
(let me save you)

"mutha, dont wanna go to school. today, i think id rather go out side and play!!"

goddamn the 80s fucking ruled!!!!

got pierced....so nice. its tight. aand i have pictures up on the photography section above..check em out. youve prolly seen them before. but maybe not. so look.

best whale, humpback whale. just cos i loved the star trek movie they were in. i think it was IV. the search for spock? or something. not sure. they were in san fransisco and chekov was all "nuclear wessels." good times.

I'm out like the blind kid in darts.

drunk off night skies. today was a good day. started out iffy, but got much better. party in 4th pd. nice nice. then frisbee with jessika, lucy, and danny. fun fun. and sweaty. and full of my pants falling down. completely accidental i assure you ;) so then home and rest and shower. theen danny and i wanted to go to college perk. so we got isaac to guy. but lucy wasnt up for it. and i was worried. we got to college perk and played some pool and coerced the guitar in the corner for a bit. then upwards. haha good times making shit up. more pool and we baaarely beet these college kids, one of which i knew from roosevelt but i dont think she remembered me. it was quite chill and i really wouldnt mind doing it every friday night. unless dead like me is still playing, or i can somehow watch reruns. buut yeah today was good. time for me to kick some chauvinistic ass. grrrr. anger. im too chivalrous for my own good. but sometimes i just want to smack people. hmpf. not much i can do though. so for now, sleep. for tomorrow is the day for more holes in the ears. out.

[music: Turpentine Chaser-Dashboard Confessional]

(dot dot dot)

ok so getting prodding to post something otehr than song lyrics, here it is. a reeeal post. kinda. well yeah tonight was back to school night. yeeah im a loser and went. but i got to do my psych essay there. so not a total loss. then. well yeah nothing. saturday hopefully im getting an industrial in my right ear, and a second cartilage in my left. maybe not the cartilage cos i dont got that much bling to last me until i work next (christmas break). damnit. listening to old get up kids "four minute mile" makes me cry. fuck im so sappy. those were such good times. damn whered they go? and howd this go frmo happy to sad in one key stroke? i just became incredibly nostalgic, and its not the "*sigh* good times." well it is, but in a regretful kind of way i guess. :( im weird. and sad now. well for anyone that cares, i have "new jersey turnpike" mostly finished. the vocals still need a bit of work and hammering out, but for the most part thats how it will sound. so yeah, criticism is welcome. its what i usually get anyway. or maybe i think i deserve it. man the get up kids bring back too many memories and all at once and it just rushes me. way too fucking fast. so i guess ill stay up all night staring out my window, wishing i were better.

music: get up kids - coming clean

At Cavanaugh Park
Where I used to sit
All alone in the dark
And dream about things
That I cannot say
'cause Grandma said destiny
Would blow me away
And nothing's gonna blow me away

At Cavanaugh Park
Where you used to take me
To play in the sand
And said to me, "Son, one day you'll be a man.
"And men can do terrible things."
Yes they can

And there was never any place
For someone like me to be
Totally happy
I'm running out of clock and that
Ain't a shock
Some things never do change
Never do change

At Cavanaugh Park
We used to get high
Watching teams as they fought
They loved my friend Adam
But he always got caught
Man, that kid made fucking up look cool
Aren't we all so cool now? No

And there was never any place
For someone like me to be
Totally happy
I'm running out of clock and that
Ain't a shock
Some things never do change
Never do change

Never do change
Never do change
Never do change

At Cavanaugh Park
Where I used to think
That my life would be good
And I would do things
That I thought that I should
And no one's going to tear me down

And there was never any place
For someone like me to be
Totally happy
I'm running out of clock and that
Ain't a shock
Some things never do change

And there was never any place
For someone like me to be
Totally happy
I'm running out of clock and that
Ain't a shock
Some things never do change
Never do change
Never do change
Never do change

[Music: Something Corporate - Cavanaugh Park]

"I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a little bit scary." Sliding Doors

[Music: Soil - System of a Down]

a managerie of taking back sunday lyrics

You never knew
well i never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
based on these mistakes

Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so let's end this call,
and end this conversation
there's nothing worse...
(that's right he said, that's right he said it)
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
(that's right he said)
that you always had it way too easy

Why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?

And all of this was all your fault
And all of this

(I stay jealous)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life!

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I wil never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know...

[Music: There's No 'I' Team - Taking Back Sunday]

and you can bet when i get home it will be the best kiss youve ever had


"i dont know what kind of sex you have but mine doesnt smell bad"

[Music: New York Woman - The Stryder]

? hmm....i dont know what to think...or who to thank....or why to be...so ill just play guitar. nothing too spectacular is going on. today was school. its just there. after the hell hole, marcella, lucy and i journeyed to smoothie king and got "dinner." heh. im recording "amy" now and it shooould be done by thursday. but realisticly probably by sunday. heh. ts turning out well.

[Music: Konstantine - Something Corporate]

another night diving to the bottom of the bottle. wont make it tonight. but its all good. i got bon jovi. and life.

[Music: You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi]

Sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
Trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head
And some blond gave me nightmares
I think she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
they won't make of me when I'm dead
With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
what you mean to me
And the truth is baby you're all that I need
I want to lay you on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses
Well I'm so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or it's hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love is true
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses
The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry
The barkeeper's wig's crooked
And she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died
When you close your eyes
Know I'll be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonite I won't be alone
But you know that don't
Mean I'm not lonely I've got nothing to prove
For it's you that I'd die to defend
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

go getting both ears pierced and my other cartilage...saturday!! now all i need to do is find out how much money i have left in my account....there was 500 so there should be plenty so im good. its gonna be so boss!

[Music: Jupiter - Gustav Holst]

You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

weird....it seems like me...

[Music: A Favor House Atlantic - Coheed and Cambria]

take it straight, no chaser.

4 more hours and ill be back at home
to hold you in my arms and whisper in your ear
and i would tell you about everything that happened
and about all the girls i met and how none of them were you
you know all i see is your smile
even when i'm staring at the skyline of new york
and all i wonder is when will i be home

every second passes and i think about your actions
what you might doing, who you might be smiling at
and every time i think it, i wish i was there smiling with you
and you can bet when i get home it will be the best kiss you've ever had

so for now ill write a song, sitting in this van
racing down the turnpike rushing home to you
and you are not alone in your thoughts of loneliness
cos going 90 through new jersey makes everything a blur

i only wish this dream was true
cos as i see you now, you're out with him
and you'll never hear this song,
and you'll never know it was always meant for you

new jersey turnpike - a friend too far

Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland, Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line. I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms. We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two. Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you. Like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss Or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist... These are the things that make me free I feel like I'm stuck in "stand by me" This night was too good to be true. Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me, I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be. Today you called me up and said you'd see me at our show, But now I'm stuck debating if I even wanna go. Whitney, don't you understand that what I say is true? I just want you to know I have a major crush on you. I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you. I only wish that
this could be Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me I swear I'd treat you like a queen.

[Music: San Dimas High School Football Rules - The Ataris]

so yeah. its been decided. for a while anyway, a while prolly not being very long, a fwe months or something. ill have to see. but yeah. ive had a girlfriend since summer before 10th grade. thats...3 and a half years. wiht only a few days or weeks between lady friends. so now. longer break. heh. its nice beign single. i can just do whatever or whoever...hahah nah im kidding. im asexual. so yeah. i came to taht realization. i just dont think relationships would be the best thing for me at the moment. i gotta concentrate on me for the most part. and its great when i do. music. bands. life. school. still have finish college applications. drexel or UMD are my two options. well i want to attend. dont know if ill get in. buuuut yeah for now im gone to sit. out.

[Music: Perfect Teeth - Motion City Soundtrack]

so yeah im back from the hartford show. it was rockin. they had power unlike stupid fucking maryland. it was absurd. we were in delaware and they didnt have power i was like shiiiiit. im huuuungry gimme some fooood rap ass state. except, thats new jersey cos new jersey smel;ls like fuckintg ass!!! oh my god i never smelt anything so fowl, yes birds, no foul, but yeah except maybe a dead raccoon. hah yeah. it was gross. and dirty. so was new york, going through the bronx and shit. it was beautiful....and by that i mean smoggy and smelly and dirty. but i saw the empire state building and the NYC slyline while going over the george washington bridge. and for a whiles before. but coming back this morning i could barely see it through all the smog. it was awesome to be going to new cities and states. i have never been to new york or connecticut before so ill add those to my list that before this summer only contained, MD, VA, PA, DE, and WV. so now its. those plus NC, SC, GA, NY, and CT. sweeeeet. haha im a dork. hmmm yeah i did lots of thinking. i dont know if i remember it all or anything but yeah. it was thinkful. go new words. ummmmm i lost my train of thought. crap i always do that. so yeah. um crap i keep forgetting. well either way im going to shower cos i havent in a few days....and i have a bit of a beard, haha real grodey. so im gonna clean. and maaybe do some work. prolly sit around and call people or wait for them to get online cos thats all i ever do. so yeah. out.

[Music: Irony Is for Suckers - Lifetime]

well well.....um yes....well. i dont know. im tired. prolly gonna sleep. i had lots of stuff to write in here but as usual i forgot what they were, and now i have the hiccups. damn. ok well im off. or on. either one works. out.

[Music: Not What It Seems - Something Corporate]

go mozart!!! damn adn this singer lady...whoever she is....goddamn her voice is amazing...makes me so good feeling inside. hehe oh and you know else has an absolutely amazing voice? justine...i mean ive never heard such a graet voice. man. heh. yeah men and danny went up to college perk tonight and chilled there. sat outside sang and played guitar. its a real nice place. very chill. now i sleep. cos im tired.

[Music: Mozart - The Magic Flute - Queen of the Night Aria ]

O fortuna,
velut luna
statu variabilis
semper cescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
egestatem,
potestatem
dissolvit ut galciem.

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status mauls,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis
odumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria

Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!

this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
you know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby
you could keep me up in bed



thats a really good line

when the first star you see may not be a star
I'm not your star
isn't that what you said

Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

[Music: Konstantine - Something Corporate]

so yeah. things were talked about. things are good. not as i would have hoped but i feel lots better :) soo yeah. i guess. well i dont know what i'll guess. i'll sit here adn play songs and be a dork as usual. waiting? maybe. we'll see. hm so yeah . well the show in connecticut is still on, thatll rock, then spending the night up there, and coming back here on saturday for chilling. the show in suckass bmore got cancelled so i can chill with the mimi and lucy and roger and tutu and all those cool kids. much fun. i look forward to it every week. its the highlight of my weekend. and week.
so yeah nothing else is up. kinda in a even mood. not rreally sad. not really happy. i get pretty happy sometimes. at school a lot, cos i get to see everyone. other times school can suck it and will bite me in the ass. my happiness is very selective. but then again so are my tastes. and as of now, well im going to band practice...then at im trying to go up to college perk. chillage there for a whiles. watch some music. might play some of my own up there next week if i dont feel too intimidated by the other peoples. out.

[Music: Heaven Is A Place On Earth - Student*Rick]

so many words i wish i could say
but a thousand words might not change your mind
i wish it was all so much easier
where things could be as simple as yes and...well just yes

im in an excessively depressing mood. not really depressed. just in teh music mood...so now i am in search of the saddest songs. today was a good day though.

[Music: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls]

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low
and I don't understand all the things you've seen
but i'm slipping inbetween
you and your big dreams
it's always you
in my big dreams

and you tell me that it's over
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
and your restless, and i'm naked
you've gotta get out
you can't stand to see me shaking
no
could you let me go?
I didn't think so

and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cuz your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed
and it did
because of me

and then you bring me home
afraid to find out that you're alone
and i'm sleeping in your living room
but we don't have much room to live

I had these dreams that i learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country
become a rock star
and there was hope in me that i could take you there
but dammit you're so young
well i don't think i care
and if i hurt you
then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

then you bring me home
cuz we both know what it's like to be alone
and i'm dreaming in your living room
but we don't have much room to live

and konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesn't she look good
standing in her underwear
and i was thinking
what i was thinking
we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere

my Konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that i could do is touch her long blonde hair
and i've been thinking
it hurts me thinking that these nights
when we were drinking no they never got us anywhere
no

this is because i can spell konfusion with a k
and i like it
it's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it
it's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car
when the first star you see may not be a star
I'm not your star
isn't that what you said
what you thought this song meant

and if this is what it takes
just to lie in my mistakes
and live with what i did to you
and all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock
it's 11:11
and now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine

konstantine, they'll never hurt you like i do
no they'll never hurt you like i do
no, no, no no no no no no

this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
you know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl who got into my head
with all the fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby
you could keep me up in bed
my Konstantine
spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you? {x7}
oh god i miss you

and then you bring me home
and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know
you'll miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room
we don't have much room
i said does anybody need that room?
because we all need a little more room
to live

my Konstantine

[Music: Konstantine - Something Corporate]

such a good song...thanks lucy :)

Friday, September 19th - 2003

Cheeney Hall, Manchester CT
Doors are at 7:30. $5 Admission. All Ages welcome

The lineup will be:
Strike the Colors 8-8:30
Perfect Salesman 8:45 - 9:15
The Arcade 9:30 - 10:00
Bionic Man 10:15 -10:45
SaveFace 11:00 - 11:30

I will be at the venue by 5-5:30. I would encourage everybody to get there as close to 6 as humanly possible, to allow for load-in, setup, and assorted BS.

For the out of staters, the club is at 177 Hartford Road - Manchester, CT 06040. If you can't decipher the Mapquest directions, let me know. As I told you, we will be recouping expenses first, then tossing the travelling bands gas money and travel money. No guarantees, but I will try to at least get you some cash. And we shouldn't have any problem finding you guys a place to crash.

If there is anything else y'all need, let me know.

Travis
SaveFace

[Music: Bend and Not Break - Dashboard Confessional]

You're goin' down! FOR THEIVING!
Please rate if you liked!


What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

[Music: Freakish - Saves the Day]

there are times like these when i wish i wasnt so talented at biting my tongue

today was alright. until after school i was feeling very odd. listless as i was later told. so i played guitar a lot. didnt actually do any work. heh. then i became hungry...du ndun dun and went to chipotle with lucy and then wandered the dangerous back streets of residential college park. then chillage. definately made my day. so now im sitting. it was a nice walk home in the rain. i love the rain. theres just someting about the feel of a soft, light mist on you, something about the smell. rain is a great wonder. so yeah. another interesting thing...flashbacks...those "wonderful" things that remind me why i dont do drugs anymore. it was eerie/eery/earee. snakes in trees. toads on the street, well there actually was a toad/frog in the road. but yeah it was a nice walk. not scary flashbacks like before. then standing on the median of 410 as a tractortrailer speeds about 1 foot from my face. it was misty and windy. smelled kinda bad too. so yeah. today turned out really well in the end. and. tomorrow is its academic taping. then rockin out with the chillage at marianne's. shall be great funness. night to all. im out. tell all the english boys you meet about the american boy back in the states

[Music:The Crowing - Coheed and Cambria]

there's no "I" in team, but there sure as hell is a "me"

[Music: For Love - The Hope Conspiracy]

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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[Music: Violent and Gray - The Hope Conspiracy]

la...today was good. escaped from school to its academic mathes...we lossed every one haha we suck. ah fun times at the mall though. lets see.. sooo guitar...im tired. im random. and tired..not as depressed anymore....got an mp3 player....so tight...doing better in ap calc...which i dont think i was ever doign bad...i just thought i was. oh well. things are contently moving on.

[Music: Torn and Weathered - Yesterdays Rising]

It hasn't been that long
Since we drank to the sunset, until it was gone
And down with it went our pain and fear
As we slowly broke contact
more and more with every beer
And we passed out in each other's arms
Both admitting we'd never felt better
Never felt so warm
But awoke in each other's eyes
Without wearing a stitch of clothing
We were both deeply in disguise
And maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me

It seems like it's been so long
Since we kissed through the darkness
Until it was dawn
Up with it came our pain and fear
That we'd already lost each other
We both knew that the end was near
Maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me

i make things so complicated...sorry. i dont even know what to say...damn loss for words

[Music: Reflections - From Autumn to ashes]

you break my heart into a thousand pieces and you say its because i deserve better?

[Music: Take her To the Music Store - From Autumn to ashes]

do you know the feeling when a song is so brilliantly composed and played and sung, that it juts makes you cry? well i do. or maybe im just full of emotions or tired....prolly the song though.

[Music: Milligram Smile - From Autumn To Ashes]

" November 4th 2001)If you wern't at the show last night you missed one of the most disatrious, stressful, fun, eventful, crazy, nights ever. First i just want to thank everyone who came out. everyone who didn't break nabeens house. and most of all i want to than nabeens mom for dealing with all the kids in her house. thank you very much. I would like to say fuck you to the people at the community center. yet again I experience discrimination from people. we didn;t do anything wrong at the community center.Yet we were kicked out. that is fucked up. but we reacted strong. moved our stuff to nabeens as fast as we could. and found ourselves in a more closed and intimate enviroment. All the bands that played last night,The Defiant,drown under stars, our burning skies, belief in promises( i screamed 2 sets in a row)and as much as anyone, I want to thank you in being a part of our history last night. the final nail in the coufin. that was the best show we have ever played. and that was becuase everyone in the house made it that way. Its sad too say farwell and its really sad that i dont have that moment on tape. but for those who were there including me it will be a night i contain in my heart. all the images I will remmeber. the sounds of people screaming with us. thank you. I will cherish it forever. I'd hate to speak for everyone else in my band but i think they would agree with me. that that will be a night etched in stone that we will all remember till the day we lay our heads.thankyou 3HOUR TOUR/VANZETTI 27/TIME OUT OF LINE 1998-2001 ~Steve "

of course id be love...adn of course i wrap myself in the nostalgia that is time out of line


Love


Which Emotion Do You Most Commonly Feel?
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[Music: Carving Days - Time Out of Line]

i can strain to smile as my head rests bleeding against the mirror in front of me.
i cant help but stare through the streams of blood and sweat at the broken face
and i strain to see the tears streaming down my cheeks
the television flickers a cold haze and my life flashes before my eyes
there's just so much to do that i can never do
so many questions i can never ask you
hell i couldn't even ask myself to speak the questions
maybe one day when i see you i'll tell you i love you
and you can bet it will be the best kiss you've ever had
but you see it could never be because there's too much blood
it's trickling down my mirror, pouring in my eyes and all i see is crimson
the music almost seems beautiful but it feels so distant and quiet
i'll close my eyes and i'll pray to god that i'll never wake up again
and if you asked me now i could really care less if my life was
as fleeting as the hope that might broken heart would mend itself

its brilliant how you make up your mind like youve made it up

i wonder...im working on "amy" right now...recorded some trial guitar tracks....like it so far. ay recycling old songs. so yeah thats in the works. i hpe it doesnt sound too bad when im done. i gotta sing lower. itd be better. so now, yeah im sittin. being tired. the coffee i made was kidna bad. i need better grounds. sorry lucy, no cappuccino tomorrow :(
yeeeah im sittin. i have work to do but im much too tired. so ill sit online and wallow in the mess my room is. i cant find aaanything. so ill rummage around. and sit. and stare. maybe play some guitar...practice practice practice. maybe ill be famous one day...i can only hope. if only hope wasnt so fleeting.

[Music: Milligram Smile - From Autumn To Ashes]

life? whatever, life can suck it. ugh. tired and sore. clean though.

[Music: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows - Brand New]

it seemed appropriate this morning...

I got a twenty-dollar bill
That says no one's ever seen you without makeup.
You're always made up.
And I'm sick of your tattoos
and the way you always criticize the Smiths.
and Morrissey.

And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.
This is the first song for your mix tape.
It's short just like your temper,
But somewhat golden like the afternoons
We used to spend before you got too cool.

I got a twenty-dollar bill
that says no one's ever seen you without makeup.
You're always made up.
And I'm sick of your tattoos
And the way you don’t appreciate Brand New
And me.

And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I hope you know I mean I wish that you’d grow up
This is the first song for your mix tape
And it’s short just like your temper
But somewhat golden like the afternoons
We used to spend before you got too cool.

Yeah, but I wish you were my shadow

[Music: Mix Tape - Brand New]

man tonight was awesome...surrounded by beautiful ladies and one im lap..and roger. hes a pretty lady too. hehe. my hair is red and orange. i like it. marianne rocks at dyeing hair. we chilled for long time and it was a really good day. one of the bestest in a while. sigh. still not too sure of what to do. im workin on it. time time time. tomorrow is dashboard. me and lucy and her friend are going. itll be awesome. i am off to sleep. out. yaay being comfy.

[Music: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows - Brand New]

today was alright...school....well yeah i thought it was all good. but now it just turns out everythign sucks...heh threw off my whole philosophy. i was rather disgruntled. but i got over it. had quite a nice chill dinner and conversation/wandering in college park after school. theeen chilled at marcella's with lucy, roger, molly and of course marcella...oh and me. i was there too....it was fun. must be done more often.
so confused and unsure of what do. it seems so close yet so far away. just unreachable... i dont know what im gonna do. its all i can really think about. but....i dont know...time....now for sleep if i can get any anymore...out.

P.S. sorry im so boney ;)

[Music: Hey - The Movielife]

scooore!! this song is now recorded and online....feel free to download and take a gander, or listen even. its in the a friend too far link at left...happily ever after

there was once something so much more
once upon a time...put us here
im not waiting anymore
obsolete fairy tales wont cut it
dreams of life and dreams love just wont do

dont you just love treading ice cold water in june?
yeah well this is my favorite time to watch you die
keep your head above water
the silver linings are never enough
they will not suffice to keep you at bay

wrap your car around a tree
crush your skull on cold concrete
scrape the skin from your knees
i wish i had those times returned

nows the time for lost loves and regrets
dont fairy tales come true with a kiss?
heres to a sleepless night tonight
like every other night

they lived happily ever after...
and i wish i could put us here

[Music: happily ever after - a friend too far]

ok so it seems that im incereasingly introverted...when im alone anyway...i guess that would be how it always is, but when im alone, sometimes i just want to stay alone, except for a few people i like talking to or being with. i dont want to do anything. i guess when im with people im more extroverted. it just seems i choose to be alone most of the time. i choose to do my own thing. and do what i like to do when i like to do it. i havent had time for all these things i love until recently and now therye back. its making me happier. it also would appear that i am moving away from those half-friends...acquaintences you could call them, if you wish. but my friends are becoming fewer but closer. at first i was really worried about this, but not i see it as a wonderful thing. i get these really awesome people as friends. its nice to have people like that. i kinda just realized this and felt like putting it into words when laying in bed trying to go to sleep. which by the way is getting much more difficult to accomplish. i never really get enough sleep. im always awaking up every few hours and it just kills my rest. so ill just look nice and happy and energetic on the outside bvtu be completely exhuasted on the inside. thats even more tiring. but more fun. im gonna try and just do whatever. somehow i seem to have adopted this philosophy of "i dont give a fuck about this and that". its like, all the things that matter in life, i get done, but dont really think about too much. liek school. i dont hate school. its just somethign to do. all my friends are there so why shouldnt i like it? i like my teachers, so why not? sometimes i feel just like everybody else, and others im compeltely different. i dont care about school, in the sense that missing an assignment thats due in english wont freak me out. ill do it later. i do do it eventually. but i have more important things to worry about, like the next song im goign to write, or the cute girl i sit next to in class, or which piercing i should get next. there are all kinds of things flyign through my head and i jsut let them fly and think about them. and then squeeze in the psych or bio being thrown at me. i guess i should be grateful i dont have to work at school, or work. i just do it, no big deal.
then there's the me, who makes people happy. sometimes ill be at the point that im just so well off and in a good mood, ill make everyone ina good mood. or die trying. thats me, the crowd pleaser, individually though...if that makes sense. but in relationships you cant be too nice. you'll get stepped on. i don tknow how many countless times countless friends have warned me. yet every time i make the same mistake. never again. i dont think i could ever be an ass. but ive definately learned to be more assertive if anything. do what i do. im forutnate to have been through most life experiences at an early age, more or less. nah not even close to most. btu sex, drugs, rock n' roll. i mean im living the dream. sex too early in life, way too many drugs. i woudlnt for the life of me wish to go back and change anything. its all experience taht i can never get again. ive learned so many things from those mistakes. beign depressed for 9th adn 10th grade made me realize that no one is going to make me happy or "fix" me. i have to do this shit myself. and look, i did. and ive coem to be the person i love to be. this is who i am and i like it heh. and its magnificant when you can find someone who you can be with, and be totally yourself. i mean completely. no gimicks or hidden faults. just be. im so very lucky to have a good friend like that.
so yeah im going for my dream. "a friend too far" is what i want to do. no matter if my voice is strange. no matter if i recorded my songs on my computer, im going to work at them and damnit ill get signed to a label. maybe not anytime soon. i even may hook up with my another struggling musician with an absolutely amazing voice. wiht my guitar skills and his vocals and guitar, we can rule the world! haha... but this is what im going in life. im living. fuck everything else. me first. no one else. yeah its selfish, but its how i get through the day wihtout killing someone, or myself., or at least wanting to. this is life and its pretty damn short. so enjoy the shit you have while you have it. no buts. just go on and everyone else can fuck themselves. well not eeeveryone. but you get my drift. make yourself happy before anything else. if people dont like it. they can deal. this is getting long and drawn out and im tired...well not really but i shold sleep anyway. night. so much life, so little time. why sleep through it all? heh cos ill talk like im drunk and shift left instead of right ;) so in conclusion, sleep is good.

[Music: Collapse and Crush - Isis]

killer!! i finally got one of my own songs uploaded. go go go. hehe. im exctied. so much time....like afternoon. well its done. not the best singing. criticism is appreciated... so go to the a friend too far link at left and download it. :)

[Music: Tattered and Worn - A Friend Too Far]

for as much as i love autumn, im giving myself to ashes..

[Music: short stories with tragic endings - From Autumn to ashes]

dorks are hot!! and so is writing a killer song in a few hours....that kicks ass

tattered and worn: the story of my life

kiss me for everything i gave to you,
my shattered heart, my withering mind, the time i wasted with life
breathe me in and run your fingers along my back
cos if only i had wings id fly as far away from you as i could

im calling you out of your shell
show me who you really are
cos all these games tell me nothing
and im ashamed to say i know nothing about you

i couldnt ask for anything more than to know you
i havent found a shred of life in your magnificant lies
and you expect me to look at you and know you?
i expected so much more than a backwards stare
well its better this way, now i dont need to know you
tell me if you ever told me the truth
then id believe something in this world was real besides my grated heart


not really sure who that is...i like it though

"People say the Lord works in mysterious ways. As if that makes all the shitty things in life any sweeter. Death is equally mysterious but there's no sugar-coating that terd." - George.

[Music: Pieces Mended - The Used]

its amazing how one thing youre thinking about all day and how bad it is can be turned around completely and your day can be made just like that. its wonderful...hm fallacy of positive instance? heh....so yeah. last night made me happier....well today cooould be good. i have to see whats happenin. for now...out.

[Music: the swarm - At The Gates]