maaaaaan. good ol...eah...oihsdfo., oi. good times. i got some crazy shti for you to hear danny. good sht.

goddamnit!! that calculator had a three year warranty on it!! i should have gone and got it myself. i shouldnt have left it in the desk anyway. fuck. thats shit! im pissed.

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do

[soundtrack to the post: Only One - Yellowcard]

man avril lavigne is hot! haha and i know im going to get so many comments aobut this one : p

[soundtrack to the post: Straw Dog - Something Corporate]

it smells so wonderful and perfect outside...i wish it was like that in me. high school needs to end.

guh...i think im getting sick..too much stress does casue illness...or maybe im just sick. i need to go back to sleep

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

so im leaving school early. i cant deal with it anymore this week. im too tired. fuck it. im still here sitting alone. not doing anything. im too tired to do anything anyway. college perk another time soon. we need to play more pool. but right now i just feel like being alone. for a while. cant decide about school tomorrow. whatever fuck it all. fuck ap bio. fuck doing all that goddamn work. some things are better left unsaid. im scared, but ill hold here.

[soundtrack to the post: Both Guns Blazing - Bane]

why bother

so i just finished watchign "Rock Star." what an awesoem fucking movie!!! i want to play in front of a stadium full of people some day. that would rule. bassist for the 80s metal invasion bands. haha. i am going to be a rock star. i practice 5 hours a day. but there's always someone better so we'll see. i need to be big. one day. you'll see.

[soundtrack to the post: Red Right Returning - Michael Manring]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3711732023&category=4713
damn thats exactly what i want....for only $700!!! it costs $1600 new!! why cant i work now and have money to buy it...then i'll be set. sigh. maybe he can..hold it until july?? i doubt it but i will still ask. cant hurt.

[soundtrack to the post: View from Heaven - Yellowcard]

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

[soundtrack to the post: Only One - Yellowcard]

fuck it...im leaving the self pity out of this post. in fact ill leave most things out of this post. like anything of meaning

[soundtrack to the post: Red Right Returning - Michael Manring]

i like hugs...confirmation was fun. i love playing music...even if it is for a church. i saw all my old teachers and that was awesome. they swoon over me and my successes..haha its nice. i saw angelina tacconelli...only a few people will know who she is...mainly the people who went to st jerome's. she goes to roosevelt now. she has matured greatly and is very pretty. haha she had a very excited wave. and saw some old family friends. tonight was a night of old acquaintences. now im tired cos ive been playing for 2 hours...standing for 2 hours. it was good. now. i guess pizza...then crying..then sleep. so busy. tomorrow festival. busy tomorrow. oi.

[soundtrack to the post: Empty Apartment - Yellowcard]

wow...its amazing what talking can do. still not perfect but its a good start. tonight is confirmation. im playing at that so i gotta leave at like 6:30...starts at 7:30....then to roger's after that...maybe 10? i dunno. then tomorrow morning...bass lesson...forgot when..i have to be at school by 11...then playing at festival at 1. oi busy busy.

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

here's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

im trying hard to convince myself that this was the right thing to do....cos right now im not so sure...im torn...bound and broken on the floor....and a dork..

[soundtrack to the post: it's you - Michelle Branch]

its not so easy on me. not at all.

[soundtrack to the post: You Always Say Goodnight, Goodnight - Juliana Theory]

damn...the $40,000 horace mann scholarship i applied for i did not make semi-finals. i was 138 on a national level. i guess thats something...but still not helping college money situations.

[soundtrack to the post: the element of one - Killswitch Engage]

oi...shit is complicated...adn tough...

[soundtrack to the post: just barely breathing - Killswitch Engage]

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

the online journal bandwagon has been filled for sooo long...so lame...haha yet here i am being lame as usual. all three? :P thats just a tad bit unusual. i admit i have a livejournal and blogger...but my live journal is....4 years old...and i never write anymore cos i got a blogger...so much better. and blogger is 3 years old. one of these days ill just stop posting..heh. im just lazy. there's no one to share my day's happenings with except myself. im the only one i really talk to. i should change that. oh well. college is soon and a time for completely new beginnings. cant wait.

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

well sunday afternoon there was a rehearsal for the musicians playing at the confirmation mass...my mom, the pianist, guitarist, and me. It was fun and good challenge musically. so the guitarist really liked how i played apparently because he called tonight and wanted me to play at his mass on sunday mornings. i would have been happy to. but my family would disown me. also he called and talked to my mom about it and she of course said no right off the bat without even consulting me. that was kind of annoying...really annoying. now i dont know if i want to do it or not. its a wonderful feeling that someone enjoyed my playing, playing with me, and respects me as a musician that they would like me back sometime. its amazing to know that. not to mention they are a good 40 years older than me. i need some advice. my parents totally would not want me there. and i would have to get up at like 7:30. but its playing music. and i enjoy the music aspect of it. aside from the "worshiping" side of it, or providing ministry to a priest i never particularly liked. its music. its what i love. its what i do and plan to do the rest of my life. hah. might as well be married to music. i love it in sickness and health. ok now im startign to sound crazy. just thought id bitch a bit in here. since apparently i dont do anything exciting :P.

[soundtrack to the post: Word of Mouth - Jaco Pastorius]

man i have problems...i want to get a 6-string version of the bass i have now...im so impulsive. maybe one day i could trade the one i have now in for a 6. hahah im so lame. maybe ill find one at atomic for real cheap like this one i found. haha. time to wait until summer for that venture and not telling my parents about that. its about $1600 new. so maybe i could get it for reeeeal cheap at atomic. i hoppe. haha oh man i need to get over all this. out. breakfast.

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

damn straight!!! NHS 61, Springbrook 59. we fuckin rule!! state champs haha. i dont know why im so excited but it was awesome. painted my face blue and everything. good night. now im tired. and wondering if there's a disorder involving excess nostalgia...or maybe its just living in the past. i live too much in the past and future. its fun. i get shit done. but sometimes its just soo much fun to think about something other than the overly bland present. i need to meet some new people. or maybe im bland. hmmmmm...i really should go out and do more. so busy. time to go to sleep. laaaaaame...11:18 saturday night and im going to bed. haha. whatever i need sleep. so i am going now. enjoy.

[soundtrack to the post: One Year Six Months - Yellowcard]

weird but im going to babble...seems nice how experience is so wonderful and adventurous. the excitement from a new style, or new route...exploration "instinct" drives humans. it forces us to discover and learn. new views of your environment are wondrous. you think you know the surrounings of your home like the back of your hand. you know you all have those days where youre sitting staring through your window across the street or in the baclkyard. you do it for so long and so often that you truly know every minute detail of the outside world at every time of day. you know if something is out of place and when life through you looks right. but when you change position to somewhere whose image youve never seen from your window, you can see the brilliance of new experiences. or maybe im an creature of morbid routine. life is for experiencing the most pleasant, adn sometimes unpleasant events. its all an eexperience that adds to our own personal legacy on earth. did you do what you enjoyed? are you happy with the way you lived your life? was it to the fullest? life's goal is to reach all the points where you can then say yes to all the previous quesitons. experience makes us who we are. never go trhough life saying always and never. do what you think is dangerous. experince the thrill of something new that may be completely innocent. life is for living. and your dreams can help you live in the direction you want. all you have to do is try. no i need to believe that and we'll be good.

[soundtrack to the post: My Funny Valentine - Miles Davis]

damn intense nostalgia. and fantasy worlds. man i keep thinking about drugs. probably bad. probably not that bad. meh. i remember when i used to have so much fun with life. now it seems so bland. though the music part of it is so much fun. i just need to do more of it and play a lot more. meh. out.

[soundtrack to the post: Believe - Yellowcard]

Rationals, are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.

In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.

Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.

Rationals are very scarce, comprising as little as 5 to 10 percent of the population. But because of their drive to unlock the secrets of nature, and to develop new technologies, they have done much to shape our world.

Eysenck's Test Results

Extraversion (71%) high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, and sociable but possibly not very reflective. Neuroticism (22%) low which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional but possibly too unobservant of your feelings. Psychoticism (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately offensive, uncooperative, and rebellious.

Take Eysenck's EPQ-R based Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

my satin doll....and blondie is in the background

[soundtrack to the post: 01. Miles Davis - My Funny Valentine - Miles Davis]

grrr...no one is online when i want to talk to them. i guess thats my fault for being awake at 9:30. oh well. so much nostalgia recently. semi-depressing nostalgia. and this dashboard is going it too. stupd emo. stupid nice weather. that's what's doing it too. bleh. im hungry.

ok so its been a while. tired. maybe getting sick. but meh. today was good. had upright bass lesson and that went well. lots of practicing to do. so i was going to build a new bass...buut today at atomic i saw a gorgeous peavey cirrus 4. its soo beautiful and i played it for abotu 2 hours and man was i sold on the first note. its perfect. $1300-1600 new and i got it and a case for $850. and there isnt a thing wrong with it. what a day. its all satin finished and so smooth. sounds like a god...or godddess...i dont usually name instruments buuut these two newest basses make feel like doing so. upright - "blondie"/"blonde-bombshell". cirrus - "satin doll" because of the satin finish. mmm and i save money buying a bass i know i like and sounds good rather than building my own ($1000). its all round perfect. and im tired. so i sleep. out.

[soundtrack to the post: Birdland - Weather Report]