I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none. I blame my father for the wasted years we hardly talked. I never thought I would forget this hate
then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong.
If I don't make it known that I've loved you all along just like the sunny days that
we ignore because we're all dumb & jaded. And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong.
I walked around my room not thinking just sinking in this box. I blame myself for being too much like somebody else. I never thought I would just bend this way.
-it's 4am and it explains everything

it's cold. and i'm wearing shorts...that could be the problem...gotta hit up the dorms tomorrow. gotta take risks, or you'll never get anywhere. gotta have balls. i stared today..but to no avail. should have got her name. damn. oh well. im not soo lonely. just in need of a companion to fill that space in my heart where love once was. i havent really had reason to pursue anyone. but i might as well and see what turns out. no one has really seemed interesting enough or worthwhile looking into. but now it seems less imperative. i can relax about it. it dragged me down unrelentlessly. but i have prevailed, or so i think for now. we'll see how it goes. we'll see.

hey, where are you? i've been looking for you so long. no one has made me feel the way that you do; they way that you would if you were here... i miss you. i can't find the one who's going to make me think of nothing else but you and how to make you happy. i see you but i sure as hell cant find you. i need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind. like the orphan needs home once again. like heaven needs more to come in.
i need you here like you've always been.