:::Bm:::
well lots of shti to write. yesterday thirty-7 finished recording our cd. its pretty good. a few errors on my part. but of course im going to pick out all the mistakes oh well. its nice. i was sooo tired after it all though. but it was fun. missed a day of school. got kinda behind in work but whatever. i can make it up. hm. there was more. but i forgot it all. haha. so i got a great offer from a band. it will fulfill my lifelong dream. today was a really good day. jut got a shit load of homework. gotta listen to musics. write papers. oh well. cant think straight anymore. too much good stuff. oh yeah. my parents are going away for three days and two nights and theyll either let me stay home alone, or spend the whole time at erins. i wonder which one i'll do.....haha. take a wild guess. but yeah shits good. as long as my parents dont start getting bitchy and over protective. i should be getting my new hi-hats tomorrow. thatll be excellent. since thirty-7 most likely has a show on friday. im out.

:::G#:::

today was rockin. spent the night on andrew's floor. nice floor if i must say. woke up. went to lusby maryland to record. on the way there we got a tad bit lost and stopped at st leonards elementary school to ask for directions. they were the nicest peopel ever. i swear they were like waiting for us to come in. they were telling us where to go and then other teachers came out and helped out too. it was great. then back on our way. it takes an hour to get there. and its in the middle of nowhere. but we got there. its a really nice place. super fucking good equipment. we set up and i had some troubles getting the bass drum pedal to work right so i could play fast. after i got that figured out we rocked out. recorded lots and lots of tracks. it sounds sooo good. i drummed for a good three and a half hours today. im quite pooped. then i did the second guitar tracks. a lot harder than i would have expected but it turned out excellently. the quality of the drum sound and guitar are amazing. and it hasnt even een mastered yet. i cant wait til we finish it tomorrow. or i guess today now. but it was excellent. and i need to go to bed. night. come see us (thirty_7) at nations october 5th. see me for ticket details. night

am i that cold? 5000 deaths means nothing. but one is a different story. i didnt even know this person but reading accounts by someone who cared a lot about them and reading lovign memories brings me to tears. i know it hurts. but how can i be affected? i met them once. but someone who cared more than most remembered, and it was beautiful. the things said. its sad. im gonna go cry for the pain that people feel. just from one self-induced death. the pain is enormous. the things we wish we could have done. i know how it feels. i just know. it didnt effect me at all. but i feel the pain somehow. im sorry man.

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

oh yeah i forgot to bitch aboutu 9/11 too. I COULD CARE LESS!! fuck it if 5,000 people die. more than that die everyday in africa because they have no food. 5,000 people is so insignificant. its been year. so what. it happened let it go. i dont care. dont keep telling me about it. and dont fucking say its the worst thing you've ever heard of in your life. what about the holocaust, civil war, slavery?? i can think of so many things 1000 times worse then 9/11. im tired of the bull shit. the united states can bomb anyone it wants to, but oh no!! when we get bombed its a world tragedy. we deserved it. pushing all the other countries in the world around. i could care less. fucking media reporting about it constantly. fuck it.

:::diminished 5th:::

well today was an ok day i guess. i got really fucking pissed at the coffee house auditions. first off the drum set was a piece of shit and they didnt have a kick pedal or a snare. dumb shits. the cymbals sounded like shit and the pedal we found was crap. so im playing the durms to get a feel for them, and the lady who's running it starts bitching like our ears our tired stop playiung blah blah. and what, 2 bands played before us? shut the fuck up! then we turn on the amps and she starts bitching about how those are too loud. so she turns them down and im like uh i cant hear them now. and she does it anyway. so we start playing. nooooo im playign too loud. so she tells me to play quieter. dont fuckin tell me how to play my goddamn music!!! we wrote the music to share with others what me created, dont you ever dare fucking tell me how to play. i will fuck you up if you piss me off enough and thats one way to do it. so then we start over and play through, only the guitars are turned down too low so you still cant play anything. so we finish and im pissed as hell. i just wanted to kill her. stupid bitch. ugh. and im sick so that doesnt help matters. then i go to driver's ed. it was ok. not anythign ineteresting. but i was hungry and tired the whole time and i feel more sick now. so basically today turned into a sucky day. oh well. im gonna go continue being sick now.

:::Asus:::

semi vow of silence

I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest who'd have known? I trace the cord back to the wall no wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up the choice was mine I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on
you'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days days when I still felt alive we couldn't wait to get outside the world was wide, too late to try the tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home
to pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone another six months I'll be unknown give all my things to all my friends
you'll never step foot in my room again you'll close it off, board it up remember the time that I spilled the cup
of apple juice in the hall please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days days when I still felt alive we couldn't wait to get outside the world was wide, too late to try the tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait till I got home to pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came tomorrow holds such better days days when I can still feel alive when I can't wait to get outside the world is wide, the time goes by the tour is over, I've survived I can't wait till I get home to pass the time in my room alone

good ol cheesy blink 182. but oh well. i was listening to their live cd, and this song came on. and it reminded me of myself. not in a bad depressing way. just how i cant wait to get home to pass the time in my room alone. its weird. maybe bad i dont know. i increasingly dislike conversations these days. some are ok. but i generally would prefer to not talk. and just listen. think about stuff. i acknowledge what people say, but sometimes i just dont want to respond, not cos im lazy, i just dont want to carry on a conversation at the moment. its nothing at all personal. just my internal emotions at that time. i also prefer alone time over large groups or anythign of the sort. it requires no outward thinking on my part and i can do whatever i need or want to do. im becoming a recluse haha. oh well. i probably should talk more. and seem a little less cold sometimes. its just now a days i dont want to talk. itll pass im sure. but listening is prefered over talking on my part. 16 held such better days. i have some bad ones. where i hate things and myself. sometimes other people. not my friends of course. just people and acquaintences. but i used to love going outside. but now i want to be to myself most of the time. and it takes large amounts of effort on my part to get online sometimes, or respond to someone. alone. by choice. thinking. i guess i wanted to think more. and i sorta slowy subconciously started to do that. hm. well. anyways. today was good. took pictures of flowers in the "early" morning (9:30). went to band practice. we were all kinda sick. it was a good practice though. playing without vocals will get us more nsync with eachother. itll be good for recording. and for performing. then drivers ed. i dont mind being bored and actually paying attention. i paid $245 for it might as well try and get a little something out of it if i dont know it already. then came home, fixed my hi-hat. oh, my parents are gonna buy my hi-hats for me now since i only need like 20 more bucks. and i need them soon for shows and waht not. not to mention my other ones are cracked beyond belief. then did homework. still got more. need rest. must get to school at 8:15 to finish lab. hopefully i wont engulf my hand inflames this time. oh well. tired. good night.

:::D:::

well today was very fun. cleaned a bit. drove really well. chilled around my house. then i went to band practice. we played really well. better than i expected since i was tired and sore. i learned the chords to the songs im playing back up guitar on for the cd we're gonna record in a week. that was fun. harmonizing. then i decided to have 2 acoustic and 2 bass tracks on movie night, a song i wrote for a special someone person. its so amazingly good. i was playign it. and it made me cry. so many sounds at once. beautiful tapestry of sound. a masterpiece. its so hard to think about it though. me playing all of it. thank god for over-dubbing. so that was fun. borrowed time out of line cd from andrew p and got sad listening to it. i miss being in that band. and playing wiht those guys. it was so much fun. sigh. oh well. tired. need rest. school tomorrow. ugh. not too bad though. today was a very good day. need new hi-hats. cant wait to record. well good night.

:::D7:::

super tired....im gonna get lots of rest tonight hopefully. gotta get up tomorrow and clean then goto band practice wiht thirty-7. we're getting realyl good its fun. oh and my other band im starting with steve...the silver lining. thanks lauren for renewing my interest in philosophy and deeper thought. i missed it. as of now im tired and tired and bored and need sleep. online scrabble is sucking cos computers suck so much. argh. oh well its still fun when it works. wow. 23 minutes just went by really fast. meh. i need sleep i cant think.

"one day, john entwhistle, keith moon, and jimmy page were sittin aroudn talking. and jimmy page goes i want a band named after a lead balloon. john said, "how about led zeppelin"?

:::C4 + G5:::

what a wonderful day it is when one is criticized for carrying books more than a hundred pages long. reading for fun is apparently for smart people apparently. personal betterment is apparently only for smart people. the one thing i cant stand about the vast majority of the population is the close-mindedness and ignorance without initiative to learn and improve and the absence of any kind of attempt at intellectuality, that perpetually surrounds me. individuals almost never attempt to reach their full potential when it's terribly obvious that they are wasting their minds. intellecuality, or even intelligence is a difficult goal to attain, but just a sincere try to reach that goal is a superlative effort and worthy of praise, deserving recognition as such. if only people realized the complete error in the mindset of 'ignorance is bliss' in relation to the acquisition of knowledge, our world would be significantly better off. toleration in all walks of life would be overflowing and no one would be trapped behind or stumble over gender or racial barriers. im fed up with complascent ignorance and ignorant mockery and self-degradation. its such a waste.

i strive for intellecuality in my own life. i read because i hunger for new ideas, concepts, and most of all, i crave the acquisition of knowledge, useful or not, opinions or facts. to be smart is not my goal. i want to enhance my moral views, alter my ethics to the most efficient and best suited to my way of thought, but keep them on a semi socially acceptable level. i want to teach others. i want to completely obliterate complascence of thought and apathy towards knowledge and its acquisition.

:::A5:::

The Christian faith from the beginning, is sacrifice: the sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self-confidence of spirit; it is at the same time subjection, self-derision, and self-mutilation. There is cruelty and religious Phoenecianism in this faith, which is adapted to a tender, many-sided, and very fastidious conscience; it takes for granted that the subjection of the spirit is indescribably painful, that all the past and all the habits of such a spirit resist the absurdissimum, in the form of which "faith" comes to it.
- from the philosophy of nietzsche: beyond good and evil: the religious mood

Suicide Machines w/ From Autumn to Ashes • Glasseater • Small Brown Bike - sun sept 8 $12 fletchers....all the rest 930
Thursday - tues sept 17 $15
George Clinton & The P-Funk All Stars - wed sept 18 $35 :(
Dillinger Escape Plan - fri sept 27 $12
Thrice w/ hot water music - wed oct 9 $10
dashboard - thursday oct 10 $16
Reel Big Fish - wed oct 16 $17.50

so many shows, so little money

:::F9 no 3 no 7:::

not fair, not fair, not by a longshot, be sure to tell them both i hate them." call me when they let you breath" its gets worse and worse, i'm not shocked, let it be the giant calice, never shocked so use too it all, and day dreaming


i can't tell you if i'm broken, the name just sticks out of the screen, tommorow morning i'll realize i'm alone again, all on my own again, i crash, i crash.


waiting at the end of the block, guess its time to go, guess its time for me to fly, locked in your cage, let it be broken, you were meant for more, way more than i, no more captives, not by a cigar burn or the roughly assembled downstairs, keep me captive, so beautifull yours the living, p.s. try harder,


lay around and be imperfect. - the silver lining

kickin jam - converge: jane doe

:::Emaj6:::

time to think of something to write...im tired as usual. im gonna go to bed after i write this so i can get some decent rest. hopefully i'll have band practice tomorrow. i want to play wiht those guys more. well the other day i got new bass, acoustic, and electric strings. it was fuckin $32 dollars. so much money. oh well i needed them. i realized there is so much shit i want to buy. from cds to guitar gear. now i just need a nice secure source of lots of money. which will never happen. haha oh well. i need to polish my cymbals. i found some polish in my house today. and mine need cleaning. oh, and i found out the other day that im part scottish/irish. my mom was adopted and she finally found out her ethnic background. thats pretty cool. im scottish and polish. mmm. my bed sounds so tantilizing at the moment. time to roll out into my bed and sleep. night.

Which Breakfast Clubber Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

i need to seriously rethink my stand on drugs and the usage amount. lots of information has recently came my way. and i need to sort it all out. go go go...think think think....

:::Gmaj5:::

well yesterday steve came over and we chilled and wrote a song and a half. the song is really good. still needs a little more fine tuning and at least 2 more band members. but it is a superb song. im very proud of it. then we chilled for a while more and then went to the count me out and fairweather show. fairweather was really really good. i dont think ive ever danced that much besides at bane. mmm. bane. theyre soo good. the past few days ive just been playing non stop bane. i put in holding this moment and crank it and the guitar amp and i just play. i never even played the cd before but somehow i know how to play it automatically. its wonderful. such a good band. so after the show we chilled for a while, ate, slept. woke up realyl early for some reason. so he left this morning around like 8:15 or something. but yesterday was a good day. im sad though. i really miss erin. i havent seen her since tuesday. and after seeing her literally everyday in the summer(except when she was in europe) its hard to not see her often. hopefully ill see her today sometime. ill call after im done writing this. i gotta clean sometime today or tomorrow. i need more money. i had lots but i spent it all on cds and food. so bad. i need to stop doing that. but i guess i was gonna spend it one cds anyway since i have a list of cds i really want to get. isaac was at the show. a cool fellow i must say. and smart. and sometimes i detect an overall wiseness not seen in many people. cool guy. angie and drew and lee fang showed up too. i decided that i dont like lee. oh well. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::i came up with an idea the other day in english class. i finally got fed up with all the ignorance and self importance and close-mindedness of the people at my school. and i realized that if there are that many people like that at my school alone, then the world is a fucked up place. i know its mean. but my goal is to be smarter. and be able to go up to someone, and say a few sentences about how its stupid to complacently wander through learning, and how they need to open themselves up to new ideas and better ways of living and interacting with people. and i want to make them realize just through my words, that i utterly despise them. but the goal would be not to make them feel stupid and leave them feelign that way. the desired outcome would be that they would realize and understand their ignorance and change their lives for the better. it sounds a bit self righteous as well but whatever. it just came into me head one day. and ive resolved to read more books. since i finish tests and quizzes fast and sometimes have no work, im going to read a lot of books in school and a lote more out of school. starting with dune and i want to read brave new world again. then i will go from there and just read. expand my vocabulary. better my mind. i want to think better and more decisive and more clearly. but enough of intelligence stuff. i think i wrote enough. there was more i wanted to write but i always forget some of the things i want to write in here. oh well. neat.

compact optical music disc of the moment: fairweather - alaska

SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

good old ben franklin

:::Csus9:::

so blogger is being shitty and slow and it sucks. but yeah school is...well its school. i have lunch at 10:45. then 4 and a half hours of classes wiht no breaks. what fun. my room is finally done being rearranged and cleaned. it only took like a week. memory loss sucks ass. i hate forgeting things this much. its been, 3 days. it seems so much longer. friday going to see fairweather adn soem other bands at joe's with steve and probably sarah. as for the rest of my week ill be doing AP chem work the whole time. and playing guitar and writing new shit. going to driving school sometime soon. that should be...interesting. need to write more. more music. need to sleep more. need rest. i got a slayer cd and a sum 41 cd yesterday. as well as a 144 cd holder thing. its bery handy to have all my cds in one place. i just better not lose it or ill die. drummer, bassist, guitarist wanted. bane will be my music of choice for the bus ride tomorrow. random tid bit. im so exhausted. but its all the time. maybe somethigns wrong with me. maybe i need to eat healthier. im gonna start excercising everyday. and making myself healthy. i figure itll cancel out the unhealthy things i do. i can feel intelligence filling me up again. although i do have some moments of non-claity where nothing makes sense. its odd. no more getting pushed around. assertive. headstrong. respectfully defiant. random. sleep. now. good night and good luck with all.

music: the 60 cycle hum of the computer in front of me

puzzling: the evaporation of milk and apples

i didnt even know it was possible to evaporate milk but i guess maybe. but an apple?? i was thinking it was ike takign all the water out of it, but that's dehydrated. i dont know. if anyone has any clue, please tell me. so im tired. i rearranged my room. that was cool. still not quite done. gotta move the chair, and clean up a little more debris then ill be all well and good. school tomorrow. i dont really care either way. it'll be a nice change. oh well. i just gotta get up early. thats waht i dont want to do. meh. sleep.

and it all came free

well i just got back fomr the brand new/taking back sunday show. it was pretty good. small venue. i was so very tired. most of brand new's set is all a blur of fatigue and hunger. it was still an excellent show though. i finally cleaned my fish tank so now its not all green and you can actually see through the water. i chilled with andrew today for a bit while he packed. he's gonna let me use his speaker cabinet until i can get the $200 to buy it from him when he comes back for thanksgiving. its soooo awesome. so now i have a bass half stack in my room, and a speaker cab, and 2 basses, 2 guitars, and an acoustic. and me. its packed. so i thionk tomorrow im gonna blast the converge and rearrange my room a bit. maybe itll be cool. i dont know. we'll see. hm. i think thats everything. im too tired to explain more and think of anything. good night.

the green apple says "Fuck you Red!!"

everythings fine. everythings chill. im tired and hungry. gotta eat and sleep so i can get up at 8 am tomorrow..ugh...oh well i can go back to sleep at 9:45 or somethng. problem: getting to the brand new/taking back sunday show in baltimore tomorrow. solution??

FUUUUUUCCCCCCK!!!!

that post is too bitchy...nevermind...

August 17th FREE SHOW FREE SHOW
3:15PM-10:00PM
where:
509 Linthicum Street
Rockville, MD 20851

(not far from rt 355)

bands:
Thrillhouse
At Best
Time Out of Line (5ish)
Vanderbilt
Visions of Cody
June Decision
Absolom
The Travesty

:::the disection and subsequent consumption of an orange:::

'i am my own super hero,
i am my own breaking branch,
cut the branch to fit my life
its my turn to be the saw'

im here alone and bored listening to the EVR/Doghouse sampler i got at the warped tour. its really good. no badness inside of me. today was fun. tiring. im tired. im lazy. need money. need to drive. need to recuperate for a few days and rest and eat healthy. fruits veggies and all good things. must replenish intelligence. im nothing without my mind. im nothing without my music. but luckily i have it. my mind is slowly coming back. thankfully. today was good. some new bands to check out.....-> coheed and cambria, the all-american rejects, favez, the rocking horse winner. awesome shit. check it out. download it burn whatever the fuck you want. listen.

what's penetrating my ears at the moment: the rockign horse winner - miss you

??..........mean........inconsiderate......kind.........faceless..........empty..........warm.........loving........... tearing......... teasing......taunting.......... questioning............. disbelief............love..........hate........... compassion..........comfort......... insomnia.......self-destruction......rock star....... twisted....... fake?......... forever........ detatched......... despise....... concealer......... confusion.........pity.......worthless.......endless...........boredom.........hide..............run............dodge........together..........ignore.........be ignored........... pain........ paint........ decay..........joy.......sew.......flower.......unsure............random words that seem to spill out of my head yet i dont know why or where they came from........some good, some bad, some confusing. i dont know...maybe ill know soon. i hope. oh well.........im sure it will

oh yeah, i got converge jane doe, and fairweather, (haha i know im liek two years late, fuck it)....and lots of free shit.

the warped tour was so fucking awesome!!! i saw thursday, alkaline trio, NOFX, reel big fish, new found glory, death by stereo. i got the new foudn glory set list when chad(guitarist) threw it off the stage. it was a totally awesome day besides the fact that i got really bad sun burn. reeeally burnt. ah well it was worth it. now im at erins and i have a show sometime today in cottage city. ill have to figure out how im gonna get there. i guess i'll get a ride from andrew at some point hopefully. well for now im gonna go eat and rest adn hopefully i'll get a hair cut at some point today. asta la pasta

so tomorrow is warped tour. but lets start from today. i woke up and hung out with someone allll day and watched all the star wars movies. quite excellent. it was super fun. then we walked to college park. oh god it is sooooo nice outside. but yeah today was super fun. and tomorrow is the warped tour. gotta get up at 9 to go to andrew;s house cos hes my ride. then friday, time out of line has a new show at the bionic man house. all the other plans got cancelled (the show in bowie on friday, practice today, and recording this weekend) i was kinda disappointed. but oh well. tomorrow is going to be fun. thursday, NOFX, new found glory, alkaline trio, MXPX, glassjaw, reel big fish and others. go here for complete list...bristow bands its gonna be great. blaze

so tomorrow is warped tour. but lets start from today. i woke up and hung out with someone allll day and watched all the star wars movies. quite excellent. it was super fun. then we walked to college park. oh god it is sooooo nice outside. but yeah today was super fun. and tomorrow is the warped tour. gotta get up at 9 to go to andrew;s house cos hes my ride. then friday, time out of line has a new show at the bionic man house. all the other plans got cancelled (the show in bowie on friday, practice today, and recording this weekend) i was kinda disappointed. but oh well. tomorrow is going to be fun. thursday, NOFX, new found glory, alkaline trio, MXPX, glassjaw, reel big fish and others. go here for complete list... its gonna be great. blaze

hey hey....well im pretty damn tired although not as tired as ive been before. but i have a bunch of spaces for links to put in my blogger but i dont remember the ones i wanted to put in there...if anyone has any ideas at all. feel free to let me know

well time out of line practices on wednesday, show in bowie on friday, and possible recording our new songs maybe for a final album. itll be quite a fun week with other things coming up too. warped tour on thursday, tomorrow though i have to get up at 8:00 for an appointment with my social worker. its all good though good things will come of it. ill eat dinner wiht some cool people tomorrow. that'll be excellent. and hm...other than that im pretty booked for the next week. although i know i'll make time to see someone. and i need money desperately. so i can pay for warped tour, goldfinger on the 12, and taking back sunday and brand new on the 23rd. filled up month. i can prpabaly beg to borrow some money fomr my parents and pay them backl when i get some cash. i know people are gonna kill me for saying this, but i want school to come back. i want to skip school again haha. i want to learn. hopefully i will thiso year. oh well. its been a good day. started off kinda shake and unsure when i woke up at 8:30 and went to the dentist and he klled my mouth. it sill hurts. ah well it'll be better tomorrow. oh and thirty-7 practice was today, and we need to practice a lot more before we record around the 16th. i think we'll make a decent record. so long and thanks for all the fish.

well that last post can be ignored. i feel so much better. i felt a lot better after talkign to jeff about stuff. even though i didnt talk to him a lot about it he helped. and so did the 12 h ours of sleep i got. nice and energized. so yup. no more of those feelings :)

tell all my friends I'm dead, I'm leaving you, this time its for good, tell all my friends that I'm dead,it won't be long before you forget my name. can you tell that I'm losing myself? I think I'm trying too hard to let it show, to let you know to trace your footsteps back to me
cus I've been gone for a long time waiting on the sidelines hoping for a chance to play, well I thought I would never leave anything behind. I also never thought I'd say...tell all my friends I'm dead, I'm leaving you, this time its for good. tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name. can you tell that I don't know myself ? I need someone to remind me to let it go please let me know to trace your footsteps back to me. and if I had the chance to do it all again I wouldn't expect anything less. and if I had the chance to do it all again I wouldn't expect, I wouldn't expect anything less tell all my friends I'm dead I'm leaving you, this time its for good, tell all my friends that I'm dead, it won't be long before you forget my name

forget my name


well i might as well be dead. fuck it. i hate being this tired cos i get so fucking depressed. i know i should go to bed but i also know i wont bve able to sleep. might as well forget my name. no one's going to remember me anyway. i have no future. sure i can play 'ok' music. but that wont get me anywhere. its too highly unlikely that ill make it. i hate being like this. i hate my parents. i hate this fake lonliness i feel. this fake feeling of being left out. even though its my fault. i should just sit in my house all day and do nothing. maybe then id never feel sad. maybr if im dead i wont be sad. hm that might work. aaah. fuck everything. i hate clenching thsi safety pin pondering what it could do to me. too much shit going on. but in reality its probably some stupid shit and its really nothing. once i sleep i know ill be better. and i know its all just cos im so fuckin exhausted. but ugh its some shit. stupid concussion making me have to stay up all night. well i did get sleep. but i did too many things that make me exert myself. like tryign to skateboard and sucking horribly at it. alone forgotten unneeded dismissed ignored bullshit fuck it all...

"why we are us, i just dont know"

apparently it doesnt matter whether its www or not. they both work.

things are pretty good. went out at 5 this morning to go to lake artemesia and take pictures. i just stayed up until 5. i am soo tired now though. even though after i got back form the lake i slept for a while until liek 2:30. good times being lazy. then i played video games at erins then went to college pakr and ate food and swung on swings. i was bored for a little but not too bad. i dont get bored too easily. i was tired. but yeah then things got a little more interesting then i went home. and now im here typing this. im gonna play video games a little later. itll be fun. i must depart now. farewell ye

oh, im thinking aobut adding a 'www.' to the beginning of my blogger address. i dont know if i will. but if i do, i'll post the date it will become effective. give me your comments and 'vote' (simply say which you prefer. or if you dont care whatever)

goddamnit i hate getting those chain IMs. its some shit. i never even read any of them. if i see a long message and a 10 or greater number i delete it cos i know what it is. so if youre reading this, dont send me one. but aanyways. im tired. i had a big day. im eating. i was thinking the other day. that i dont really think about things that much anymore. i dont feel as smart or as educated as i want and/or used to be. i wish i was smarter and formulated more opinions that i had facts to back them up with. or just opinions period. i mean i have lots of them. but i dont know its hard to explain. i just dont feel as smart as i would like. 1190 on the psat isnt good enought damnit. i really should read more. but im usually too busy. and its hard for me to read when im tired. i either dont follow the story or my mind wanders off. i seem to only be able to read during the school year. but i supposed ranting about it in here wont help. then again i have nothing better to do at the moment so why not? i think this next show with time out of line will be my last. mostly because the guys are leaving to college in maine. one memeber will stay but hes got another band. and i dont seem him all that much now anyway. so i doubt i will later. practice last sunday was fun. good songs. but we fought on sunday as well. it sucked. i guess it is true what you said, no one cares about it anymore. at least not enough. well its going to be over soon. if we get more shows i guess i'll have to play. as long as shit goes right and members dont forget songs then it'll be all good. i dont want to feel embarrassed. i hate it. and shit always seems to be going wrong at our shows. someone's mic or amp doesnt work. or the drums are out of tune. or the crowd is a bunch of stupid hardcore scenesters who want to beat people up. and think oh this band is in high school they must suck even though 3/4 of the band is out of high school. hardcore sucks. its gotten distorted too much. i dont know. this band carries with it a sort of bad luck with it. somethings always creating drama. oh well. it was a hell of a lot of fun. i miss the early days. other than that ive been writing lots of music. most just me fucking around and cool shti coming out. and i got new guitar strings. theres nothing better than brand new fresh guitar strings. the clarity and tone and sustain. its magnificant. everything sounds soo spectacular with new strings. i play chess online a lot nowadays. its fun. i win aobut half the time. win two lose two. about that. im getting better. im glad. cos chess is something i relaly enjoy and id hate to suck at something i love to do. just like when i play guitar and i cant write anything good and i get depressed because i love playign guitar and it sucks to be unable to do the thing you do best. but now thats over and things are great yet again. saw reign of fire last night. its not a bad movie at all. i liked it quite a bit. i recommend seeing it if you like fire and dragons and tough matthew mcaughnaheay or whatever the fuck his name is. for now i must depart. farewell....

yesterday i saw the bourne identity. it was a fucking cool ass movie. i recommend it highly. a little more than two hours long but excellent. havent done much else since then. sat around. ate pretzels at erins. tomorrow i dont know what im gonna do. i need to get some stuff straight with this guy. might have band practice wiht thirty-7. not quite sure. im really tired. im gonna go to bed soon. dont know if ill have energy to drum tomorrow. im still a little sore from the fight in the park. thumb still hurts from getting stabbed by my cymbal. legs sore for some reason. i hope it stops cos drums are fun to play. though lots of energy is recquired so that i dont suck and slow down and fuck up a lot. i guess i'll see what happens. got an appointment tomorrow at 12. too early to get up if you ask me but oh well. kinda bored right now. no ones talking online. of course here i am typing away. but i dont talk much online. at least i dont initiate conversations much. so i think ill sit down here and write some more music on this piano. hope i can get some of these feelings out. torn feelings. broken lonely feelings. a good type of sad. not even sad really. hard to explain...i dont know. im out

yup yup...went to bed at 6 last night..or maybe it was this morning...whichever. but i stayed up all night talking. never done that before...it was superbly wonderful. theni slept until 3 and that measn i got a good 9 or so hours of sleep. not quite enough but enough to get me through the day, hopefully. ive been fucking around wiht html a lot lately editing my blogger trying new shit, fucking up old shit, fixing old shit. its been fun. tires out my head but its fun to have control over this stuff that at first seemed so rigid and unchangable. ah well. what am i going to do today?? anyone have any brilliant ideas? i have none and i never have any. on a completely different note, i need some new acoustic strings. mine are very dead. no tone or brightness wahtsoever. oh. yesterday i saw minority report and blackhawk down. both excellent movies. the people i saw them with didnt like them that much i think but i thought they were very good. blackhawk down was kinda gorey i guess...of course ive been seriously desensitized because of all the war movies ive seen and because of all i know about war in general. it was normal to me. probabaly not a good thing. but it didnt bother me at all. contrary to "popular" opinion i thought the ending to minority report was a good one. haha. it was unexpected and tame. but oh well. they were both long as hell. minority report was almost 3 hours and my ass was super fucking numb afterwords. blackhawk down was 2 and a half. so maybe ill make my way to college park sometime later. i havent decided. depends on what people are doing. i need to find out. especially the one who hasnt woken up yet. for now i'll play guitar...enjoy your day

hiding...

well i finally got the comment feature to work...yaaay...so yeah comment all you like...html is confusing

yeah so i havent updated this thing in quite a while...so nows a good a time as any. erin's been back for quite a while. ive been really busy lately...never home much anymore. my parents let me sleep over soemone's house. i was really happy especially because of whose house it was :) i got my learner's. getting tons better at stick. eating chips. chilling. things are wonderful. im happier than ever :)

16 hours....broke another string...its hard to explain what a capo is used for when you dont have a guitar to demonstrate with....even moreb difficult when youre trying to explain it to inquisitive energetic 5 year olds(twins). they are very cool 5 year olds. my "god brothers." i guess thats what theyre called. my parents are their god parents so i guess that makes me their god brother. oh well. theyre cool......16 hours....she'll be back

broke another D and G string....no more spares....no moreb guitar until tonight when i get more strings. and my fingers are hurting. i guess iveb been playing "too much." oh well ill just play some more...tomorrow :)

man oh man today was sooo great!!! :) i got up around 12 and went to andrews and chilled wiht him and kelly and played guitar. then later around 5 jesse called and told meb that erin told him to tell me to get online cos she was in an internet cafe in barcelona. so i got to talk to her and hear a little about her trip to paris and spain. it was soo great to talk to her. i miss her so much. and shell be back in like a day :) so then after that was done i chilled with andrew and kelly some more and then went to band practice with time out of line. it kicked ass. we played really well and it was fun as shit. good times. then i came home. oh and last night i saw dashboard on unplugged. which was weird cos hes unplugged anyway. but it was awesome. i cried during two songs. it was so good. thank you jeff :) i learned hands down. i know way too many dashboard songs. **screaming infidelities:::best deceptions:::saints and sailors:::again i go unnoticed:::the places you have come to fear theb most:::this bitter pill:::age six racer:::ender will save us all:::a plain morning:::hands down:::for you to notice:::shirts and gloves** i need to learn more...haha oh well...im super happy:)

too much guitar to relieve my pains....this is theb 2nd time in 5 days iveb broken my 'g' string. im running out of spares. in fact i think i just used my last one. i guess ill just haave to spend the outrageous 5 bucks for a new set. i just need to go to atomic. i need new hi hats too. and a doubleb kick. so much money is needed. but guitar has been my 'replacement' for erin. well not really cos i named my guitar erin about 5 months ago cos im a dork. but i cant spend all my time wiht erin so i just spend all my time playing guitar. it rocks. so much good music comes out of that sound hole. but today. today was fun. lots of guitar as usual. but theeen. oh man i saw joan jett in DC today. goddamn it was a fuckin awesoem show. i was blown away. it was totally awesome and theb guitarist guy was sooo cool. it was just a fucking awesome night. i went with jeff and james and sarah and anna. quiteb fun. 2 days left til she returns. i cant wait... i decided against the airport...

im debating on whether or not i should go to the airport on tuesday to meet her when she gets back...i have no idea what i should do...i dont know...fuck im so indecisive...

this has been the longest week i've ever experienced. school's only been out for a week and it feels so much longer. iveb been so lonely. luckily i have excellent friends. no total lonliness. just the kind that comes from missing the person you love. everyday is weeks. its true. ah well. 3 more days....counting down....im such a dweeb....even moreb so cos i said dweeb....haha sticks and stones

i went to get some food a few minutes ago, and i heard the rain outside. its awesome. i love sound of rain. and then there's the far off rumble of thunder. its nice and cool outside so i opened all my windows and ill be nice and cool and soothed by the rain hittin the leaves and dirt and pavement and rooves outside my abode. good night and sweet dreams.... :stamp to dreamland:

times like these make me wish i was in paris....

i keep staring at her picture that i propped up by my computer, and the moreb i stare, the more beautiful she becomes. the eyes are just as powerful in a photograph as in real life. i can close my eyes and imagine. shes right behind me with her arms around me. 6 days left. 6 days that feel like forever. forever comes sooner than i think, so i hear. ill wait until 6 days areb up then i will rejoice. until then i will count down days and watch vh1 all day.


Goodbye Kisses Arent Enough

this picture's all i haveb left of you, you escaped across the sea from me
Im staring across the ocean after you
i wish these waves would carry you back in to my arms

your photograph stares at me, your eyes stare in to mine
they still make me warm inside me
youre almost real but i cant hug this picture

everyday takes weeks to pass, im going crazy without you
counting days til you return, til i smell your hair , til i wrap my arms round your waist,
rest my head on your shoulder, and tell you i love you. im nothing without you

long goodbyes werent enough
they just make me miss you more
i try to sleep my "miss" away but its no use
you follow me there to my dreams,
when will you come back in to my arms?

well shes off to partake of pecan pie in paris. i miss her already. and i need to find something to do. i haveb 8 days to do whatever i want. i guess its freedom. but a lonly freedom when i dont have the person i want to spend all my time with. what will i do what will i do. i wish bloggers had comment things so that people could give me some ideas. maybe ill play video games alot. i havent done that in a while. ill get my learner's permit fiiinally cos im a lazy ass and havent gotten it yet when i couldve got it in january. argh stupid parents. she got online for a few minutes beforeb she left. and i cant bring myself to close the window. maybe its like a piece of her is still there. im a dork. oh well. farewell. have an excelleant trip. ill miss you

22

You act like you're 22.
This test was brought to you by Mel - mostly....

tired. food. mussssic. food. movies. roller coasters. pelted by rain. 13 people squished in car. lots of driving. soaking wet. lazy. bored. dont know what to do. gonna sit here. never formulate sentences. food. music. sleep.

well i just got back from the piebald/juliana theory concert. it rocked to say the least. i emphasize the least part. we got there a bit late. prolly 1 or 2 songs into piebald's set but they were amazing anyway. then glassjaw came on. theyre good as well. although not the kind of band youd think would play with the other two but it was still good. except for all the fuckin idiots starting circle pits to piebald. whatever. i got the 40 song piebald discography and the first(i think its first) juliana theory cd. it has awesome songs on it. aaaaand i went to the show with erin which made it thousands of times better :) before that me and erin just walked around college park and ate some chinese food. im in a very good and energetic mood. i shold probably go to sleep soon since i have finals tomorrow but who gives a fuck im not going to school until 11. sleeeeeeep laaaate. ah yes itll be wonderful . and i just realized i havent written in here for a good while. oh well. but yeah today was an excellent day. now ill go wait online for someone. guten nacht.

ive been wondering a lot lately about what would have happened if i had stayed at dematha. mainly because i hate my stupid fucking school. and when i say stupid i mean unintelligent. the people there are idiots and the classes move so slow. i dont learn shit. if i stayed at dematha i would have gotten a much better education. i wonder if i would have met all these people i know. i wonder if i would be happy. there are so many possibilites. my parents were right, i should have stayed at dematha. fuck im stupid. well we couldnt have afforded it anyway. just like we cant afford to send me to college. isnt that just wonderful? the thing i want is to learn and i cant even get a higher education because my parents built up so much debt that they cant pay for it. im pretty much screwed whichever way you look at it. fuck

movie night

getting lost in your eyes has become,
a new past time of mine,
hearing your heartbeat in my head, when you fall asleep with me
is the most perfect thing i know.

we've watched a thousand movies on your couch
we've kissed a thousand times in your house
heard all our favorite songs
and held eachother, even when they were done

long kisses and nights in your arms
cant fix my heart when im torn away from you
this dream ive had of you for so long came true
i just want to be with you forever

it means everything to be with you, it makes me smile just to talk to you, its so magical when i touch your hand, my heart cant be kept from running after you

i can finally say these words
the three that mean the most
if i told you would you know that theyre true
i just want you to know i love you

"Sorry About That"

It hasn't been that long
Since we drank to the sunset, until it was gone
And down with it went our pain and fear
As we slowly broke contact
more and more with every beer
And we passed out in each other's arms
Both admitting we'd never felt better
Never felt so warm
But awoke in each other's eyes
Without wearing a stitch of clothing
We were both deeply in disguise
And maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me

It seems like it's been so long
Since we kissed through the darkness
Until it was dawn
Up with it came our pain and fear
That we'd already lost each other
We both knew that the end was near
Maybe I just set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside
The fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me
Maybe with me Maybe with me

not the happiest of songs, but it is incredibly excellent. and its just a good song.

Im lying on my head, no Im not in my bed, just checkin out the world from a different angle. Thats what happens when you trip on your blindness. Always seems for some reason that it is happening to me. Why is it so, and why dont I know? Why is it so, I cant see the obstacle in front of me. Christ, Im falling down again, it happens to me now and then. Im growing up yeah, growing up yeah. I wont let it fade away, I promise to be strong and brave. Im growing up yeah, growing up yeah. Open your eyes and maybe youll realise, the truth is in the thoughts you hold and not the obstacle in front of you. - living end

ive decided im too lazy to actually think about writing in here. so ill just use song lyrics as my thoughts. theyre sorta close. meh. im sure there will be somethiong about my boring day or somtehing. but for now, good day.

Why do I never seem to learn?
That love is wrong and girls are fucking evil.
I guess I'll never figure out
What womankind is all about. - The Ataris

Finally got the nerve to tell you
How much you mean to me you said that I was your best friend,
A real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be. - same band as above

today was a good day. woke up around 10:30ish. got some food. went to time out of line practice at 12. we rocked out and wrote a new song that kicks ass. then we chilled learned a lifetime cover. around 3 i went over to andrew from thiry-7's house to write some new stuff with him. we wrote two new songs and i like them a lot. i also like playing drums a lot. theyre just fun to rock out on. and im sure to be heard, unlike bass where i have to play louder or somethig different from guitar, and sometimes even then. but yeah it rocked. erin came over later on so i got to see her again and that was mucho fun. i saw her friday, saturday, and today. quite a good weekend. now im tired. may contain traces of tree nuts. what are tree nuts?

all my friends i grew up with are moving away to college. they are my best friends and i havent been hanging out with them ver much recently. either we've grown apart or its my own stupid defense mechanism to protect myself from being to hurt when the leave. i mean i grew up with these guys since i was like 4. andrew and steve and robert. they were my closest friends all throught my life. i will surely miss them. why cant i just be two years older? ive felt that way my entire life. felt that i was older than i really was. now the gap becomes clear. im still a sophomore and theyre off to make lives for themselves. i wish them the best of luck and i know theyll have the time of their lives. but i'll be left alone yet again. all those times i hung out at andrews over the years. our bike trip. ill miss them all. ill miss our band that brought us so much joy. there have been plenty of rough spots but thats to be expected. i wish i was older. ill miss them. i love you guys. have fun in college. and keep bringing the rock.

well. it seems i start off most of my posts with "well" meh. this hurt isnt even my own. but it hurts more than any pain ive ever felt. its hard to have to watch in horror and not be able to do a damn thing this time. most of ther other times you can fix it, but this time is different. you cant do anything. you can be there. but it wont go away any faster. it hurts to see them miserable. could i have stopped it? did my opinion actually have enough power that it wouldve prevented this? i had a horrible feeling all during school. everything else became 3rd rate as my mind focused first and secondly on one person and worrying about how theyre doing. it hurts me more than i ever could have imagined it hurting. things will be all better tomorrow i hope. i hope more than ive ever hoped before. i wont know until tomorrow and its killing me. i guess i care too much. oh well. ill care as much as i want to. and if i care more than the world so be it.

shooting up directly into my ears. blasting the music into them as loud as i can. wiht head phones none of the sound escapes. tonight was a superbly wonderful night. one of the best ever :) i saw erin. and it was extraordinarily great. and im rockin out to the ozzy now and im getting my nice little musical non substance related high, unless sound waves are substances. meh. music is so great. so is erin. so is happiness. damn im a dork. oh well being happy kicks ass. and yea. im out.

well i havent posted anything in here for a while. so i think i will. and that last post was a bit sad. but anyways, the past week has been quite good. thigns have been great. i had band practice wiht thirty-7 for the first time and it was really fun. and today im gonna practice with time out of line, most likely minus steve but oh well. i felt really sick today during lunch and second period. these school lunches are starting to get to me i think. i think im turning into a vegetarian haha ;) ;) nah i doubt it id get so sick and skinny if i didnt eat meat. but its been seeming a lot less appealing recently. hm oh well. im feeling much better now. i got to use the equipment in the studio control room today. it was the second time and ive gotten most of the stuff down. except the linear editing cos that takes ass loads of work. but ill work on it. theres so much stuff to do and so much stuff to think about it. i wish i could creat time and energy. except mr einstein wouldnt agree with me. but i have so much to do. except not really. all i do is play guitar, eat, sleep, hang out. but that takes up lots of time. school is just meh cos i dont try at all and i get a 4.0. and its not cos northwestern is a bad school or anything cos its pretty good for the most part. just the classes im taking now are easy ones so ive got it made. whatever. i cant wait until AP next year so i finally get some challenge. but i also cant wait for the summer. itll be a much needed break. school is driving me crazy pretty much cos im always tired cos i dont sleep enough. which is why i almost always go to school an hour or two late. but even that much sleep doesnt help. i need a nice 3 month vacation(summer!!) ah itll be nice. i need to have more deep thought sessions wiht myself. i need to sort out my head. its like my computer, i need to defragment my head, get rid of all this extraneous material floating around. i dont even know what it is. its just there and it needs to exit. i suppose ill have one soon or ill go crazy. haha nah im far from crazy. a little excentric maybe but not crazy. yet here i am pretending im talking to the computer or some person typing lots of random crap no one needs to know. hm i guess i can put all this extraneous material in my blogger if i ever figure it out. ah well. things fare well in my world. just living. taking life in. or trying to as best i can. "escaping" sometimes, except more liek enhancing. it matters not. i fare well and im happy. brought to you by your local bulk food distributor

clenching this safety pin i dont know what im gonna do. should it go through my ear? or should it make me bleed? i dont want to go back to last year. ive made so much progress. its all slowly slipping away. what am i gonna do??

too tired, too lazy, too in need of a hug from a someone. cant write. good night.

well i havent written in here in a relatively long time. basically everything has been going wodnerfully great. :) ive spent so much time with erin. i saw her thursday through sunday. and today i was there from 1:30 til 10:30. 9 hours of greatness. it was a very great day. and besides school my week kicked ass. erin makes me super super happy all the time and its the best feeling. we fell asleep for like an hour in eachothers arms today. that rocked. im sentinmental oh well fuck it :) it was great. and yeah im way too lazy to write much stuff in this right now so have fun and good night. dont let the clothes pins get you, its hell

destruction of monotony....times 3

my day was pretty monotonous until after school. i went to meet erin in college park adn chill for a while. we chilled and had mucho fun. then we went to emmas house and chilled there for a while. then andrew, kenny, and lauren came over and more chillin began. we watched cant hardly wait. thats a pretty good movie. and i got to see erin so that was suuuper fun :) the past like week has been so great. ive just happy constantly and its wonderful. i have nothing more to say. im happier than ive ever been :) excelleant

randy rhodes gives my ears orgasms.....makalaka - for one to return to a place to find somethign once lost

"we're dancin, amd laughin, were singin songs, the skyline is glowign it turns her on. my body is burning on her skin, my new your woman"

today rocked quite hard. i went to erins around 1 and was there until almost 10. we watched movies hehe and then walked to college park. we ate pizza and ice cream and got american pie to watch. then we walked home in the rain and sand and skipped and laguhed. :) we got soaked. it was soo much fun though. so im wearing erins clothes. quite nice and smells of her :) then we watched american pie. its such a funny movie and embarassing and gross. but good none the less. then um. i dont know. we talked alot today. it was cool. cuddling is the best thing ever. i think this weekend was liek one of the best ive ever had. i cant stop smiling. its the best. and and. i dont know its all going really good. im super happy. so i think im gonna go eat. and yeah. sleep some eventually. makalaka.

well i wrote in here last night but fucking blogger sucks so it didnt post it. i wrote a lot too. oh well. last night was the time out of line reunion show. we rocked hard even though we didnt play our best. but the energy was fuckin insane. then in the last song i broke not one, or two, but all fucking four of my bass strings. i dont even know how that happened. people were like "whoa what happened?!" adn i looked at it in disbelief. erin came to the show so that was mucho fun cos shes finally seen us and its always great when shes around. then theres was brandon jeff sarah angie andrew kanney laura lauren and more but i cant remember cos im tired. i was soo tired last night. i didnt get home til 1. and after a big show i wasnt in the mood to carry all my shit out of andrews car but meh. apparently in the car ride to the show, some people were talking about how annoyingly perfect i was. i think in a good way. but still i dont know. i dont want to be perfect. i dont want to be on some elevated level. i want to be equal. i dont know. whatever. today im gonna have to clean alot. i have nothing to do. im soo bored. i got nothing planned (hint hint) maybe ill ride my biek and take some pictures. i wanna do somethign with erin, but i think shes gonna get sick of seeing me so much. and shes busy with some guys today. but tomorrow i think ill see her so thatll be fun. meh. no one will ever know my thoughts of last night. well except the one person i talked to about it. but no one else. mwahaha. im still hungry. im off.

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.
—Lord Acton

hm...well lord acton is right. too much power will corrupt anyone eventually. even the best of men. say it aint so. im tired. im gonna take a nap after i post this. but yesterday was mucho fun. i got a hair cut which was a nice change. no more purple though. ill dye it pink next. then i saw erin :) and jeff and andrew and sarah and emma. it was great fun. we just walked around college park for a while. i got 3 cds. it seems i always get cds when i go to college park. well anyway i got the matrix sound track($7) bad religion($8) and weezer: blue album($9)....see a pattern? oh well i like patterns so i noticed it. but meh. theyre very good cds. i wish kirby would be caught. its the second time hes eaten the peanuts and somehow gotten away. i dont know how he does it. meh. ill get that little bugger one of these days. ok i need sleep. i...i....eye....

"if he gets up....we'll all get up.....itll be anarchy!"

ok, i was way too tired to try and write anything in here last night. i had a big day. first i woke up around 12 which rocked quite hard since ive been havbing trouble sleeping late these days. then i talked to erin and got a ride over to her house to chill. then a bunch of people came over, jeff james annie, andrew, lauren, and i think that was it.we just chilled for a while. then we watched the breakfast club. i had to leave halfway through it though cos i had band practice. i rode my bike from adelphi to university park. nice long ride. sorta. it was a good practice for the most part. we played our set and did pretty well. then i rode my bike back to my house and got a ride back to erins. then we all chilled some more. they are my favoritest people to hang out with. i alwyas have soo much fun. and i nvere get bored. so wonderful. best of all i got to see erin for long amounts of time for like 4 days in a row. that made me very happy. eventually i went home. no it is today and school was meh. first period i made up a math test and got one wrong. this shit we're doing is so fucking easy and it annoys me. my teached gose through shit sooo slow. were behind everyone else i know. it sucks. it sucks cos a 4.0 doesnt mean shit a my school. at least to me. i do noo fucking work. and i still get A's. everyone else gets .50 and shit. i dont get it. whatever at least im not failing so thats good. but second period i filmed some more of my video. its starting to go a little slower. im hoping itll pick up one we get all the footage and make the master tape. i think itll turn out pretty good anyway. we'll see. chem is just chem. nohting special. and german is quite boring. the i left. ive been tryin to catch kirby since yesterday. i put out a box with some food in it. that little bugger at the fooded and dipped. i was perturbed. i think ill get a bigger box that he cant escape from. he came back to my room some time last night cos i heard him scurrying around. someday ill get him and ill teach him tricks. itll be great fun. hm...friday is far away. i dont get to see someone until then :( poo... well im off to catch kirby and take a nap possibly. dont worry ill catchy you. i wouldnt trade anything, youre still my everything...

"every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure. i dont want to close my eyes. i dont want to fall asleep cos ill miss you babe, and i dont wanna miss a thing. cos even when i dream of you the sweetest dream will never do. i still miss you babe and i dont wanna miss a thing."

well im feeling damn good. my day was excellant. i cleaned a bunch and im gonna order some shirts and stuff tomorrow. then. oh man then i rode my bike to erins house. we watched the neverending story one(very good) , 2(not so good) and watership down,(excellant) then we basically just say around and talked and listened to music and partook other miscellaneous activites. it was a total of 9 hours of pure wonderfulness. she makes me the happiest person in the entire world. so that was my day. it filled up the entire thing. it was great. now i gotta work on catching kirby. that little mouse is gonna be all mine and im gonna take him places with me. be careful you dont let the walls eat your cup cakes.

well i had a really good day yesterday despite being depressed later on. i hate my parents but whatever. i went to school around 10:30 cos i didnt get up until really late. i took my time getting ready and missed all of first period and got there just as lunch started so that was very good. then i filmed some more of my project and edited a bunch of it. that was fun except that it was hot as shit outside. then it rained alot and i walked to the metro to go to roosevelt. when i got to the greenbelt metro, both R12 buses got there. go me picking the wrong one. but meh i got on the right one eventually. then i got to roosevelt and me and erin walked to jesse's house for his birthday party. it was great cos i hadnt seen erin since...um yesterday, but still it was great :) jesse is one super cool dude. a bunch of people just hung out there for a while. a bunch also spent the night. but not me of course not cos my parents are bitches. its like they dont even trust me even after all the shit i told them and how nice ive been to them. oh well. over all the day was good. and im feeling a lot better than i did yesterday. so its all good. i hope i get to see erin today. and possibly all the other people i absolutely love hanging out with. we'll see. everything is pretty peachy now. so im happy.

im dying tomorrow...no self worth...

tired cascading of happy

what did i do yesterday? ate chinese food. school was just school and sucked as usual. well i got two tickets to the new found glory show with piebald and further seems forever. i was soo glad. me and erin went. goddamn it was fuckin awesome show. one of the best ive been to in a long time. my pants got really ripped. but it was all good cos i got to be with erin the whole ngiht and hold her tight and sing along to songs and dance together. it makes me ever so happy. before that we just walked aroudn college park in the rain and thunder. not much rain though. we ended up in record exchange and just looked around and talked and stuff. then went to the park and talked and chilled. then to the show.i got a pieblad cd. its really good. i think its the newest one. i ate the rest of my chinese food. and im planning out how to get kirby to live semi-tamed in my room. i have some ideas but im too tired to explain. my brain capacity shrunk. today during chemistry we got to burn ions and look at the pretty colors. it was very nice. we hda to use HCl. god that stuff smells. i got a few good wiffs of it just cos it kept smoking. it made my nose hurt and i was light headed and couldnt concentrate for a while. that prolly wasnt good. oh and our classroom filled with gas at one point. also not good. but it was a fun lab. today was an awesome day. seeing erin always boosts everything super much better. i prolly forgot a lot of stuff i wanted to puit in there but i have an excuse. i got the guitarist of new found glory to sign my shoe. remember kirby, keep your fur nice and neat

who controls the past, controls the future. who controls the present, controls the past....

today was a good day overall. the school day was pretty boring and just meh. me and this guy in my TVP 2 class are filimg a new found glory video. basically i get to play guitar a lot and go outside during class. its fun. so i got home and got online of course. then i took some pictures of andrews amp he's building for his RP. it sucks cos the pictures that mattered are the ones that didnt turn out very well. :( then i went to emma's house where emma and erin were chillin. we just hung around until 8 and walked to java head. it was ok. not many people were there. but then jesse played. hes soooo good. i love his voice. and everytime i see him it makes me want to be in a band with him more and more. then we frolicked in the field and under the bridge at the U of M. it was fun for the most part. hopefully i can get tickets to the new found glory concert from a certain someone. that would be so awesome. and now i am home. ive been listening to the mix tape erin made for me alot. its soo good. i finall have all these songs i like all in one space. wuite good. i dont know. on a different note, i regret lots of the things i did in the past. i did a plethora of idiotic things. i dont know if i regret them really, but if i could do them over id prolly do them differently. i have so much experience as it is. some of which i wish i didnt have. whatever. i cant change it so i might as well make the best of it and live with it. using it to make better decisions. which i have been doing more lately. i havent been dumb. im glad. im happy. except for old regrets. but that doesnt make me less happy. so its all good. im gonna catch kirby and tame him and put him in a little bed next to mine.

good old kirby eating my floor and crawling through my walls

yesterday i eventually found something to do. i went to college park with james, jeff, erin, and annie. it was lots of fun. we ate chinese food and ice cream. then walked around a bit and went to "emma's" park. we played around there with sticks and tennis balls. then we put coins on the tracks and made some cool sandwhiches. it was nice. then we all went home. oh oh. and erin gave me a mix tape for my birthday. its sooo good :) thursday there is a new found glory/pie bald/ further seems forever show at 930 club. i sooo hope i can go. i really need to get tickets. but im soo seeing the get up kids in june. last night there was a mouse in my room. he kept gnawing on stuff and rustling papers and i couldnt sleep. it sucked. he was cute and brown though so i couldnt too mad. i eventually got to sleep around 2:30ish. it sucked. school was just boring. im making a mix tape for erin and i did lots of work on that today so that was cool. im kinda in a weird mood. not grumpy but just meh. prolly cos i got no sleep last night. oh well. maybe ill take a nap or something. i need some cheering up. i think my day will get better though. as long as i listen to good musics and tune the other shit out ill be fine. and when i say tune out. its not really like supressing. its just like i let my sub concious and stuff deal with it and figure it out while i have fun. it works pretty well too. whatever. im gone. say hi to ray for me.

if septemeber + 5 = purple, then april + 6 = orange

today will hopefully be full of something to do. i dont want to just sit around all day. woke up around 11:15 today to eat cake with the neighbors who are close family friends. and the guy happens to be the chief of police. oh well. it was fun. therye good people. they gave me $75 which was totally unexpected. i dont what ill use it for. probably for getting my fix of music. maye to get camera accessories liek new lenses. thatd be cool. maybe a telephoto. those are always nice. i dont want to go back to school and deal with quantum physics shit. its liek the easist part but even the teacher has a tought time explaining it. oh well. its a good challenge and it feels good when you figure it out. so i guess it all works out. im glad im happy. despite all the sadness i see and thats around me im incredibly happy. i havent been this happy in a long long time. many moons. drinkin my coke and eatin my chips and sittin on my ass. what fun. ive been abiding by my "meaning of life", if it can be called that, for the most part. i guess its more of a philosophy. oh well. ive been living, loving laughing, and thinking. dreaming. being me. doing what i want to do with myself. being who i want to be. things are going very well. climb the ladder. its not too far away little bunny.

happiness

finally the blogger works!! im so tired and hungry. i spent a lot of the day with erin again :) i met people at coconut's cos they were supposed to be havgin a going out of business sale, but theyre dumb and arent gonan have it anymore. so me, erin, jeff, and emily went to record exchange and got cds. i got get up kids, alkaline trio and hot water music split cd thing, weezer, and smash mouth($1). then we walked up to cdepot. and i got an unwritten law cd. its ok. so over all a good music gathering day. then emily left and me erin and jeff walked the long ass way to erins house and watched high fidelity. such a good movie. eventually sarah annie and james arrived and we just chilled at erins which is always fun. then i came home and am sittin around listening to music talkin online and scanning pictures to put on my yahoo thing. ive been fooling around wiht my camera alot and its fun. i cant wait to develop the pictures. yay erin :) so wonderful and everythings still great. it feels great. please keep your hands and arms inside the cubicle at all times.

bliss....over-joyed.....totally righteous tubular radical bodacious.....cowabunga dude

today was awesome. it was the best birthday ive ever had. around 2 i went to erins house and i was there until 11:30. man i had soo much fun. i played songs. i chilled with erin for a bit then jeff and sarah came and they gave me fake money, a bouncy thing to sit on, midol, an indian, an american flag to stick to a window, and flowers. :) all of which they found by the side of the road. then lauren came, and then jesse came and then christa came, kenny and andrew and james showed up too. hanging out wiht all them is always fun. so great so great. and i got a camera for my birthday. a nice one. so tomorrow if i figure out how to work it (it has crazy ass more buttons than ive ever seen) ill take lots of pictures. and tomorrow im gonna go to the cd store cos of the sale. so much music. im gonna get wasted off that shit. haha. and man. ill see erin and jeff and andrew and mayeb james and possibly other people i hope. : ) so happy. erin is so wonderfully awesome. one righteuous babe hehe : ) she makes me ever so happy. and i spent most of the day with her and it was sooo fun. man today was just great all around. its only been a week. and it seems like forever. radicalness. dont drop your air conditioner out of the window. it might break.

september + 5 = purple

i love not having school. its so relaxing. i got to sleep late today. it was soo nice. then i cleaned alot of my house. and that felt good to get it done. then i went to band practice and we wrote a fuckin kick ass song. i came home and rode my bike to hollywood videos and got breakfast club, final fantasy, and ferris buller's(sp) day out. then rode to erins and house : ) we only watched the first two but they were very very good. today was very short. didnt really do alot of thinking. except how happy i am and how goodly things are going. its weird cos i finally feel like a "normal" teenager person. its really hard to explain . ive wanted to be one for the longest time. i dont know why. ive always wanted to do things a typical high school person would do. ive been in high school for two years and im just starting to feel it. oh well. im weird, fuck it. its nice. everythings goin great now and im lovin it. erin makes me every so very happy. my band got back together and were playin a show soon. i love playin shows. and things are great. friday, i guess today is my 16th birthday. i feel all old and experienced. haha right. im gettin a camera soon so i can take lots of pictures. itll rock. im tired. i think ill go to bed sometime eventually. phwew the mousie didnt get squished. beware the claw.

capitilization is over-rated. well maybe just cos i never use capitals. oh well

yesterday was a superly excellant day. school was kinda meh. and chem made my head hurt cos my teacher made me and this other guy do the "easy" beginning stuff of quantum physics. she never teaches her students that and got a bit confused tryin to show us what to do. that was the only eventful part of the school day. after school i went to beltway plaza and met erin and we saw resident evil. it was a pretty good movie. i liked it alot. grr to stupid movie staff guy yellin at us. after the movie it was 7 and still light out. crazy day light savings. we called jeff and he was at roosevelt so we went there. going back to school didnt go over well. but we say jeff and emily and lauren and walked around and stuff. me and erin got "lost" in the field. then we founf jeff and people ad went to eat ice cream. theeeeeen went to andrews house for a little bit. i really wish i could spend the night at peoples houses but my parents are assholes. tomorrow is my birthday yaay. i want to do something. like just hang out with a bunch of good friends. that sall i really want to do. then on saturday im gonna go with a bunch of people to cd store sale. hooray for music. girls music food. thats what i think about. i gotta do a lot of cleaning today. alot. but hopefully ill be done and hopefully people will want to do stuff today cos i dont want to sit around my house this whole 4 day weekend. dont get the t-virus....

dont touch the third rail little mousie!!!

got back around 12:50. goddamn that dashboard show was sooooooooo good. the anniversary was damn good. but dashboard. the energy was overpowering. everyone in the room singing along, him with his band rockin the shit out of songs. a few times i just closed my eyes and drifted off into my own little world with all that music pumping through me literally. it was the best show ive been to in my life. during best deceptionsi called erin cos she really lieks that song, but i couldnt tell if she was there or not so i just put my phone up anyway. as it turns out, it was her machine, but she still got it. : ) it was like a giant sing along. everyone in the place was singing and it was awesomely cool. he played all the really good songs. best deceptions, the places you have come to fear, brilliant dance, turpetine chaser, ender will save us all, screaming infidelities, saints and sailors and a fuck load of other ones. it was a long ass set and i didnt get out of there until 12. by the end of the show my ears were fuckin drunk as shit. i couldnt take anymore music. they were throwing up i guess. they felt so strange. it was an excellant feeling though. of ecstatic contentment and jubilation. incredible show. i got a dashboard shirt. on the way there at the metro station, i saw a cute little mouse running around by the tracks. i hope he didnt get smushed. the walk home, or more like run cos i wanted to get online, was very quiet. theres no one out at 1 oclock on a tuesday night. whod have thought? im exhausted. i can forsee a skipping first period at least and sleeping in. it doesnt matter cos we're in between quarters and were not doing anything tomorrow. and tomorrow after school is gonna be quite nice : ) everything is so great. im so happy. erin makes me unbelievably happy, and music makes me almost as unbelievably happy and life is going super fucking great. im diggin it. wonderful. i will hopefully see the get up kids at the 930 club in june. i should buy tickets and tell people to buy tickets soon so they dont get sold out. : ) beware the roaring river of harmonies rushing towards you. they can be dangerous. be ready, listen.

oh yeah i forgot. music fuckin rocks harder than anything can ever manage. and im gonna see dashboard tomorrow. that makes me lots happier. and i just thought about erin. so even more happier. and now im in a good mood. rock on : ) aaaand sarah just informed me that "time out of line shall be resurrected in my basement" yaaay. im so happy. ive been in need of a show for the longest time. god im so happy. i went forma crappy day to fuckin awesome one in like 30 minutes. crazy. good old alkaline trio. rockin them out. i gotta have a family b-day thing sometime this weekend. and then theres its academic shit on saturday apparently. i really doubt ill go to that. oh well. happy. : ) erin: ) yay.

"will you be my valentine, if im a world away?"

well my day started out pretty good. then it just got worse. my finger hurts alot. like my nail got clipped a little too far and its a really annoying pain. then my book bag zipper came off and i couldnt get it back on. then my haedphones stopped working on one side. but it came back every few seconds, ruining the music. it was poo. but now im gonna take a nap and then goto family counseling. what fun. oh well. im sure my day will pick up. it already has since school's out. im feelin better already. it needs to be wednesday after school right now. i need to do my work. im falling all behind in school cos we have a sub in chem, so we have work, but i never turn it in or dont do it. oh well, i have no problem with not getting a 4.0. i wish i never had cos now parents will be all mad if i get anything less. ah well. maybe ill do better than i think. i cant wait til friday. im gonna get my new camera for my birthday and ill hopefully do stuff with people. then thursday and saturday. i wanna do lots of stuff over this four day weekend. itll be fun : ) dont let the walls hit you.

the guitar ate my cd

sleep ensued and i awoke with little sleep. i cant sleep past 10 oclock anymore. i think im broken. i mixed lucky charms and wheaties energy crunch together. it was actually pretty good. then i showered and cleaned. band practice was ok i guess. i really wish we'd play out old songs more but whatever. i want to be in another band. i wanna play time oet of lines old stuff when we break up and shit. maybe with jesse and steve stavely. ill have to see. i want to be in a kinda punk band. with pop mixed in and just damn goodness. andrew has a copy of my band's cd and he played it while i was there and everybody reaally liked it. they were liek whoa thats you?? i was so happy. i really like all the roosevelt people i know and hang out with. theyre all so cool. especially that erin : ) well after band practice i went to andrew's house for his birthday dinner and stuff. i got there but no one else was there except erin so me and her just talked for a bit until people got there. then we chilled for a bit and went to friendly's. then we went home to drew's and chilled some more. erin makes me so so happy : ) now im listeing to really good music and eating and talkin to erin. my favorite thigns to do. in there are the three things guys think about, well at least the guys i know. food, girls, and music. rockin stuff. time flys when youre having fun under a blanket...; ) ; )

today. today was excellant. very very good. i woke up around 9:30 which sucks cos thats only 9 hours of sleep and i was really tired today. then i wandered aimlessly around my house eating along the way, singing songs, playing chords. then i went to galina's house for her birthday party. it was kinda weird just cos there werent very many people there when i got there. then james jeff and andrew and sarah arrived. it was fun. then erin came : ) mucho funo. we went to college park and went to cd store and tcby to get cake. i got a 48 cd holder. yaaay. more room for all my drugs. drugs being music. i got the old new found glory cd. its really good. then we went to the park and chilled for a while. then sat around galina's basement for a while just talking and doin random stuff. fun fun fun. the show we went to wasnt very good. it had its moments. but it just wasnt vrey good. and i dont like moshpits. like i dont know they just dont appeal to me. especially when its just random moshing to non-mosh music. oh well. i <3 erin : ) : ) happy hapy happy. get up kids. rock. trevor. tired. good ol' cold pizza. i love it. well i should get rest. damn daylight savings time. i lose an hour. damnit, oh well. dont drop the ocean.

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin muzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust form entering along with him." opening line to 1984

i just dropped a box of crackers into a pan full of grease or fat or something. its really gross. it was all gooey and dripping off the box. raunch.

"My interest is in the future...because I'm going to spend the rest of my life there." - Charles Kettering

dinner of half a pizza, a 2 liter bottle of coke, a waffle, and a pop tart

: ) today was a great day. didnt do much work in school. had fun just hanging around in school today. i skipped a bunch of second period. i just walked around and sent a message to erins phone. text messages are so fun. im gonna have to pay lots of money for all of them i keep sending. oh well. i came home and just sat around my house listening to musci and semi-napping. then i went to coffee house at roosevelt. it really wasnt very good but there were a few that i liked. more great stuff happened near the end : ) and then a few people went over to andrew's house. we sat around there and talked for a while. then i got picked up. now im sitting in front of this screen typing my life for all to read. tonight is the second night in a row that the song im listening to has made me cry. but like a happy cry. its a sad song, but its just so damn good that it makes me cry. its what ive been looking for for the longest time. its wonderful. im a rebel dottie, a rebel. tomorrow im going to galina's little birthday party thingy shes having with a bunch of friends. i was really happy she asked me to come. i wish i could make everyone i care about happy. it hurts when theyre sad and when i cant do anythign about it i feel horrible. and i feel bad when im all happy and things are goind great, but one of my friend's are down. i want to help. and sometimes i just dont know what to do. if only i had those powers. it would be great. but overall today was super excellant. mucho productive. rock the flower petals nick

i showed my parents my projects i was working on for tv produciton class. one is a video i made for a BANE song. i used forked tongue and clips from platoon. i edited them nicely together. it rocks. and the other is a prodigy song with insanely abstract and mind boggling images. i bet no one can guess what they are. and the third is a documentary i did for this girl at my school who needs a kidney transplant. despite only havign 2 days to complete it its fairly good. i wish theyd come to me earlier to get it done but what can ya do? well my parents really liked my videos. and it made me feel good. now i wanna show everybody. hm. euphemism?

"come tomorrow ill be on my way back home. in the morning call from a roadside telephone. one night doesnt mean the rest of my life. if i go its not impossible but possible is probably wrong. so, let go because im afraid to try. ill keep my hands by my side. i wont come back i hope someday youll understand. i want to try and make it right but dont know know if i can. last night everything was right and the rain was gone. one summer night's the only time we've known, so shut yout eyes and when you wake up ill be gone." -get up kids

harmonious contradictions...i must appease them so as not to be devoured by their angst

today ended up being good. i felt very rested. i was in a very good mood and i had kick ass music flowing out of my head phones. school was pretty much just school. i only learned in first period. second i just played around with the editing equipment and put all my projects on tape. third i listened to music and played card with the two german exchange students we have there. it was fun exceot i didnt do any of the work i was supposed to. oh well. fourth we went to the language lab and i did nothing in there either. then i got to get out of school. finally. i got home and got online. then learned a get up kids song on piano. it rips as much as emo can. haha. and my parents are out of town and not gettin back until late tonight. party!!! wooo!!! except not. but im gonna have to make dinner for myself sometime soon. and im gonna have to keep listening to music and get my ears drunk. sounds like a productive night. maybe ill clean some more. i have to clean a lot these days. oh well. once i get my copy of 1984 back from sean im gonna read it again. its like my favorite book. i hope theres band practice this weekend. i must quench my thirst for the rockage. i had a very good day. and tomorrow will be good cos im gonna see all kinds of cool people. dont drop the air conditioner out the window.

someday i want to be able to know so many songs that i can have a real conversation with someone only using song lyrics. that would be the coolest thing. haha im a dork oh well. what if two people knew eachother so well that they could say incredible amounts of information and thought through one word. and every time the other party understood. it would be awesome as shit. icy hot saves the day yet again. my legs are sore. and i got a stick of icy hot fomr cvs. it looks liek deoderant but its icy hot. so nice. and you don get your hands all nasty. my legs are nice and relaxed and warm. bliss. my thoughts need to unjumble. so many things are flying around i just waiting for em to analyze. i dont know if i can get to all of them. ill work at them one at a time and spend all day at it. eventually there willbe less of them. but hopefulyl never gone. never burn your bridges.

the beauty of being vague

better mood. a little less hungry. not confused. chill. cant formulate sentences. well me and sarah are no more : ( i guess its for the best though. we're still friends and im glad cos shes such a fucking awesoem smart person. im back on track. i hate these little instances where my life semi derails. its unnerving. and tiring. it rights self at the most unexpected moments and faster than i expect. whats next? i wish i knew. but then i dont because my life would be perfect if i knew what was going to happen and changed it. who'd want a perfect life anyway, right? well ill prepare for the next incident and try not to screw everything up. i need rest. exit.

"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy
rent-free space in your mind." - Isabelle Holland

indecision...contemplation...drowning in thoughts that repeat too much...with no easy solution anywhere to be found...mistakes must be learned from...and cried about...

im so tired. and sad. i cant help but feel like an asshole. school doesnt help. i hate high school.i cant think straight anymore. i dont want to be mean. its something i almost never do. i dont want to hurt anybody. but i dont know. im confused. and lost. maybe if i get some sleep itll all be better. and some food. i need to talk to someone about it. but no one's online. well ill go off and listen to my get up kids cd. its pretty. sad but pretty. rock on kids.

"wheres trevor?!?" - katie

disappearing trick done my dog. do i have a dog? damn, thwarted again

exhaustion overwhelmed me today. last night i decided to go to bed. then i found some guitar strings. i stayed up to string my guitar and play it. i went to bed around 12:30. i really need more than 7 hours of sleep. oh well. school was uneventful as usual. just tired and dragging myself out of my desk into my next class. then i get home. i need to clean. i need money. i need to shower. i need guitar. i managed to do all of those things. i went to record exchange before going to java head tonight. i got a get up kids cd. its soo good. then i went to java head. sarah : ) and erin and katie showed up and we walked around a bit. then erin and sarah2 and james and elsie and gordon showed up. awesome people. i played two songs tonight. this song i wrote for someone a while ago, and shirts and gloves. people really liked the one i wrote. it means so much to me when someone says they like the music i write. its like a part of me is in the song. and when people like i feel accepted. its a great feeling. i hate singing into mics. i alwyas think im too loud or too soft and i can never hear my guitar. oh well. people said it sounded good. now im listening to my get up kids cd wondering if i should do my homework or put it off until tomorrow. its not like i do anythign meaningful in class anyway. ill do it later. today was weird. i left my hair down cos i was lazy. i got called tony hawk, brad pitt (???) and new guy. it was interesting to say the least. now im confused. i cant remember what i was gonna do. well im gonna spike my hair tomorrow. nice and tall. my hairs gettin long. im proud of myself. for reasons that will be left unsaid. im proud. i have power. a small amount. but more than ive had in my entire life. its nice. now im off to do something that i have yet to figure out. i think im hungry. get up kid, youre on my icy hot.

"Nothing is so irretrievably missed as an opportunity we
encounter every day." - Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

onward to the opening in the wall. wait, metal detectors?

busy day. wake up. eat. i got new shoes and three new pairs of pants. rockin shit. then i travelled to the metro station and meet sarah and people. they werent there yet. so i walked to elsie's house and saw annalisa, elsie, gordon, joey. will and all them. fun. then i walked back to the metro. me and sarah and erin2 and katie and pat and mike and monchie went downtown to see the cherry blossoms and just fuck around. it was cool. then we went home and i went fomr the metro to lauren's house. except not exactly. i thought her address was 6512 but its actually 6215. and i went totally the wrong way and got pretty lost. then some random dude saw me walking on the dark path and started talking to me about drugs. and we got onto the subject of how school and how he respects that i choose not to smoke and shit. really cool guy. then i finally remembered laurens real address and after feeling dumb for a bit, moseyed on over to lauren's house. laura was there. we just watched tv adn ate chinese food. and lauren is the first person ive seen with a carpeted bathroom. its some crazy shit. now i am home. im soo tired. but in a very good mood. listening to good music. rockin out. me world has corrected is spinning. im glad. dont know how it happened. but it did. very good. hopefully tomorrow java head will be open. thatd be nice. schools gonna suck tomorrow. only three classes wont. i hate second period. so tedious. i cant stand it. the teachers ignorant. but what can ya do? i need rest. i thought this was going to be a relatively restful one, but that didnt happen. instead i had incredible amounts of fun. i spent liek most of my time with awesome friends. super cool people. playign guitar and listening to music also filled most of my time. now that i think about it ive hardly been home. it should be my birthday now. i got 11 more days and ill be 16. and im gettin an actual good camera. its gonna kick ass. i need a get up kids cd. so good so good. i can never get enough music. sigh. "and i now have nothing, but your heartbeat in my head." my hair has been down a lot lately. im getting really lazy. oh well. i want to be alone in a big city. i want to stand at one end of the mall downtown and just stare at it. all empty and quiet. very serene. all you can hear is the animals and the sound of the water. itd be nice. im still hungry. and i just ate some food. damn metabolism. no deep thoughts today. no time. except the one that sarah uses a lot thats good. "youre all not really here. im sittin in the corner of a mental institution and imagining all of this." now im going to do things that dont require any thinking cos im too tired to do so. peel off stickers here and find the prize. what is yours?