further seems forever....so good...chris carabba's emo/rock band from florida....they rock. its cool to hear him sing to something differnt. he rocks my world. my idol. haha im a dork. so yeah. im furiously downloading stuff...i need to rest for kings dominion tomorrow...itll rock..even though amusement parks arent my faaaavorite places in the world. i havent been there in so long. itll be tight. soo tired. yaaaaaaaaaawn.....goood night all.

music: dashboard rock ;)

ugh.....someone sent me a trojan and i had to spend a few hours trying to fucking fix it....it sucks so much..i think i got it quarantined nice and well. so it wont get out and infect....sigh....i couldnt delete it or fix it...tomorrow is pictures....now is sleep...night....im a physical science technician.....how cool is that??! haha im a dork

music: a friend too far - old shirts

all i heard was screeching tires
and you were gone
just up and left me on the road
drowing in the pouring rain

i cant wait for tomorrow
when i wake up and this all was a dream
my whole life just a joke and my heart never torn
ill lay awake on my lonely mattress wishing,
goddamn i wish it was warm

yeah well can i learn to leave you alone?
ill never learn to live with myself
this takes all i have
all i am is nothing without me.

i wont be ignored, ill just ignore myself
and maybe you'll go away.
never wear your heart on your sleeve
your shirt will get ripped

oh man warped tour this year is gonna kick so much ass!! the ataris. glsassjaw, the used, less than jake, poison the well, taking back sunday, thrice, the starting line, the all american rejects, brand new, coheed and cambria, river city high....and rancid and pennywise and dropkick murphy's and andrew wk.....the first bands would be who id wanna see though....itll rock. mm i like showers. im all clen and fresh. haha i watched "i love the 80s" on vh1 today. it was sooo tight. no matter how much the 80s may have sucked, i still like them....shit. i hope my sunburn goes away by thursday for my senior portraits. if it doenst ill jsut reschedule for next year. ill actually be a senior then anyway. and ill look older. buuuut oh well. ill see what happens. im definately gonna need some fashion advice from you know who so ill have a good "personality portrait." dum de dum. bleh. going to bed early tonight....i need a good nights sleep for once. ive been missing out lately. but thats cos i have other duties i needed to perform. people needed help so i help. no need to worry. its allllll good. out.

shopper's food warehouse, the 70's grocery store


yeah its been a while since i updated. im tired and lazy and busy. right now i am sooo fuckin exhausted. time for a nap later. yeeah well ill do some programming then go get my bass and amp. yeah so i got the job. its so tight. except the working everyday part. ill prolly be able to take off a few days here and there though. itll be a big money maker. saturday rocked although i did get sunburned. meh. i cant remember that far back. im all groggy. so hungry still. i ate so much food today when i got home. i love ida. we really dooo take care of eachother. all making sure we're both all good :) sigh. time for sleep.

music: dane cook

who now will sing me lullabies?

music: a friend too far - happily ever after

there was once something so much more
once upon a time...put us here
im not waiting anymore
obsolete fairy tales wont cut it
dreams of life and love just wont do

dont you just love treading ice cold water?
yeah well i fucking love it
keep your head above water
the silver linings are never enough

wrap your car around a tree
crush your skull on cold concrete
scrape the skin from your knees
i wish i had those times back

nows the time for lost loves and regrets
dont fairy tales come true?
heres to a sleepless night tonight

they lived happily ever after...
and i wish i could put us here

tiiiiiired. tomorrow is interview for the job day....i hope it goes well. and now. i sleep.

USDA called me back....got an interview on friday...i hope all goes well. i really need a job. even if it is full time over the summer. good money. well...yes... time for sleep...but i leave you with some emo...as usual.. :)

music: a friend too far - you could say i loved you

23 days ago, i wouldve said you knew me
you have no idea what you got me into
all this pain and strife while
your voice knocks me to the dirt

just like last time i get left alone
time to lay helpless on the kitchen floor
just like this time, its too late for me
4am is too late for us.

for everytime you hurt me, i slash a tire
for every day you ignored me, i drop a tear
for every tear i can do nothing about
i have no more tears
all the liquid in me was ripped out by you
and your games.

24 hours ago, you couldve said i loved you
would you kill me if you could?
would you do it if i handed you the knife?
get in your car and drive out of my life

another possible job...still at usda....full time....8:00 - 4:30....environmental quality laboratory....hopefully this will come through

switchfoot!! so good...

when they call for me ill be sitting at my desk with a gun in my hand wearing bullet proof vest singing "my my my how the time does fly when you know youre gonna die by the end of the night"

who needs to use uppercase letters anyway?

im at a loss as to what to do with this musical situation....ive got bionic man...good music. i really love the music. im gonna keep pushing the creative aspect of my playing, adding new things in, where i see fit. hopefully he will think they will work. god. i listen to this cd and its sooo good. it makes me change my mind so much. to think that i am a part of that. i play music with them. i mean theyre killer musicians. if i only i got to be really good friends with them. how sweet would that be? i dont think it could ever compare to what i had with 3 hour tour/vanzetti 27/time out of line....those were some of the best times of my life. i think about if i leave now, and cant tour due to lack of money, theyll make it big, and ill be left here regretting having ever left. this is so much fun but sometimes it kills me. music is my life. i dont know what i would do without it. i need to play with good musicians. ill stick with this for just a while longer. see how it goes. i need it. then again. what about waiting for college? thing is, if i stay here, fuck this scene dude. i mean goddamn! how many cliques are there? like 80 fuckin "im too hardcore for you emo kids", and "im too emo for your metal"..."we're all too good". you have to know everyone to get it. "we go to shows to show off and dance and throw punches fuck everyone up" god how i hate that. thats why you dont see me at shows anymore (if anyone ever did in the first place)...how many venues are they to play? like 2 or 3 in the area. and you have to be playign the right kind of music for the right kind of crowd and you have to know the leaders of all these shtity cliques. damn people.
oh well. maybe in philly the scene is better. in fact, i hear the scenes are better everywhere but here, well and new york....boston not too sure....california is all about the glam...oh well one day ill work it all out. ill be a rock star, you'll see. haha i know im already a rock star to some ;) quite a lot of ranting i am doing and stiiiill havent even got to what i did today (which was nothign so dont worry i wont take up too much more of your time)
ok so today i woke up, showered and went to breakfast at franklin's (french toast and bacon)....then home to make a cd, then chilled with rob, then laundry.....laundered myself again, then worked out...speaking of which, i need to get back to that....out.

music: dashboard confessional - for justin

It's been a year now since you were here now
and I've been trying to heal inside.
Dedications of how I placed
and I see your resemblance in my face
and on our birthday I said an extra wish for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up my grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away .
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

Displaying changes
that they have made
and I wonder if you really wanted it this way
and in your memory they even hung a plaque for you (for you)

And I have learned so much since you been gone
and I have done so little for so long.
So now I'll settle up these grivencies
and focus on the savory
and wave all these discrepancies away.
And I'll figure out these misconceptions
give out faith at my discretion
live a life that you would think was sane (sane)

okay so maybe a bit repetitive : p

“They came because they were afraid or unafraid, happy or unhappy. There was a reason for each man. They were coming to find something or get something, or to dig up something or bury something.

They were coming with small dreams or big dreams or none at all.

The first men were few, but the numbers grew steadily. There was comfort in numbers. But the first Lonely Ones had to stand alone…”


music: a friend too far - waiting for reality

tie one on
another one dies tonight
all these times all my friends fall away

i cant fall in to this pattern
where has my perfect little life gone?
once i felt so needed, now i swallow pills

abondoned hopes, empty fantasies
shattered dreams litter the floor of this
shrinking room of mattress and pen.

tie one on,
another dream fades tonight
another fake life comes to light

jump into place
step back and look
what are you doing?
how are you right?
how am i always wrong?

i spit on your sweet baby blues
ice cold flawless diamonds
that force that sparkle on me

you used me, built me up and tore me down
now who am i? who did you make me?
how is this all real?
i most surely am not

non-repetitive

well today i did things :) i figure i should stop saying i love ida eeevery frickin time i write in here sooooo....yea....i went to school. im rockin alkaline trio "good mourning" suuch a good cd..i played guitar at st. jerome's class of 03. that was cool cos i dont really play guitar in front of anyone. especiall that many people. i saw some old friends that i went to grade school with. im all nostalgic now cos they were the kids i grew up with. my best friends. ok so now im off the phone with eeduh so i can write...in case you couldnt tell there was a 15 minute pause from when i stopped writing at "best friends..." til now. hm so yeah it was fun playing again. seeing people. nostolgia is sweet and fleeting. but heartbreaking nonetheless...i finished my computer science programs...so much rejoicing when they work the way theyre supposed to. its magic. so i have one more to write. a prime number one. i have to input a number, have the program determine whether or not its prime, then list all the prime numbers less than the number that was entered. oh, and i have to display the next greater prime number.....all from 2-1000....itll take forever. and its due tomorrow. oh well. ill bullshit it as much as i can. except...thats the fatal flaw. computers require perfection...complete perfection...human error significantly interferes with its operation....(the problem with 'the matrix') so yeah...ill do as much as i can....which is pretty much just say if its prime or not....i got that down...damn if-else/while/for loops...aye....i must finish reading a book by tomorrow too...thats easy...the martian chronicles by ray bradbury...quite an excellent book. half done....now i am out....no songs today ;)

music: a friend too far - sweet dreams becca

im so bored with myself
this all is so bland
too many nights under the bridge
too many falls down by the 7-11

fly by night
sleep by day
more and more
i drink my life away

could it be that those days are gone?
down by the pond where we used to sit
whispering our dreams, bearing our souls

so sweet dreams tonight
i hope youre happy
dream fucking pretty
like the fake "i love you's" you swore
sweet fucking dreams

one girl way too many
this is part three i hope youre ready

music : a friend too far - rain as angels (ask me to hear it sometime...its really good)

rain beats away at the broken window
its so cold out there, that i cant feel my heart
as for me im stuck in here alone
there in that world of love and hurt

your smell lingers here
id like to sing to you, sing you to sleep
but youre not here and its been too long
since ive seen you running to me

rain falls like angels on my broken window
it hurts so much out there
there in that world so wet and cold
as for now ill stay safe here at home

why do i never go out? (why do i?)
why do i never fall down? (why do i?)
i scream the requiem of this night
here i fall, there fall my dreams

june came too early this year
and its cold as march.

let us not look back in regret, nor forward in fear, but around us in awareness

eeeeeeh sick...thanks ida :) always looking out for me and takin car of me. i love you. now i sleep and get better. out.

music: the early november - i want to hear you sad

Looking in your eyes
Praising every moment because you're my only light
Reading the stares at your passion that bears me now
Shedding no little tears
The silence scares us more than leaving could

Come back
Please don't leave me now
I'll be all that you need in life
Because I can't live without you and
I know all that you need
I can give you everything
When you're so far you'll forget about me

Waiting by your side
Knowing every moment is closer to your flight
Upset with the past, but it's all that holds us now
Believing no lies, telling each other we'll be fine forever

But I'll wait
I could never leave those beautiful eyes
I know you're sorry
I know what you must be going through
And I feel sorry for you

But please don't leave me now

la la la i lovvve iiiiiida I-D-A :) wooooooooooooooooo!!! im a dork yeah yeah i know

sitting alone pondering it all, trying to understand...new concepts completely opposite my own, struggling to understand. i will.

its always dasy between my posts...always so busy being wiht ida. it was 6 months yesterday :) 1/32 of my life...something around that. quite a while. and many more to come. i love her so much. its so wonderful. so nooow i sit and wait for her to get off work so i can see her. if even for 15 minutes its so worthwhile. lets see we went to olive garden last night for our "monthaversary" dinner. it was quite excellently good. chicken alfredo, chicken giardino, garden salad, soup, 8 wicked breadsticks, chocolate lasanga (not realyl lasanga) and this good thing with whipped cream and stuffs so good. :) all for 35.49 sooo excellent. it all workde out perfectly. nooow back to waiting...i am going to eat better, be healthier over all. i have resolved. with a little puching from a big tough fluffy bear ;) she's right. i need to eat healthier. i need energy and need to be up and aboot more often. i need a job. that will help me get motivated. get off my lazy non-existent ass. aaaah. ive been sneezing for like 10 minutes straight. i think im broken. aiee. where was i? oh yes sitting...still doin that. maybe some guitar. speaking of which, i am playign guitar for the graduation music of my old elementary school. it should be fun. ive never played acoustic in front of that many people, or played with anyone for that matter. its so much fun to play with competent, talented musicians in that kind of setting. it should be fun. i really want to work at ikea. they've had my application for almost 2 weeks. ah well if i dont work there ill work at USDA in the chemistry department somewhere doing something. as long as its paid. well, as long as theyre not gonna whore me out im down. haha. noooow i shall end my senseless rambling and workout. out. in? yeeah out.

music: cranberries - ode to my family

Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me,
'Cause I've spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree.
Do you see me? Do you see? Do you like me?
Do you like me standing there? Do you notice?
Do you know? Do you see me? Do you see me?
Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn,
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me. Does anyone care?

Understand what I've become, it wasn't my desing.
And people ev'rywhere think, something better than I am.
But I miss you, I miss, 'cause I liked it,
'Cause I liked it, when I was out there. Do you know this?
Do you know you did not find me. You did not find.
Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn,
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me.

Does anyone care?...

I don't know how it feels?! you think you're the only person on earth who wakes up every morning wishing there was someone else?!

its 1:54 am....today was excellent. soo much fun. ill fill in the details tomorrow...well i guess today...just later. night all...out.

music: poison the well - nerdy

Why do your eyes paralyze me
What makes me feel this way
Just carry me away with silence and heartbeats
As rapid thinking about your embrace
and how it makes me feel
I just want to feel this way forever
Sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
Why have I been given the chance to fly
When I'm not with you I feel lesser alone
I remember your face / imprinted on angels
Your voice as beautiful / as the sounds of waves
crashing against my heart
Time slows down when you look at me
I'm infatuated with this / infatuated with you
It's so hard for me to understand why
I hadn't found you before don't dull away
hold my hand

go me sucking at life :(

what did i do? how did i come across that way?? i dont know what i did. i love her so much. theres nothing i can do. she doesnt believe me. i feel so helpless and confused and lost. well i must have done something cos she feels that way now. :( fuck me. i always fuck something up. this is the most true thing ive felt, ive never been so comfortable. i cant lose her. i just cant. my world would completely crumble. im so very vulnerable. i need her. and ive had this talk, kids this young shouldnt be needing eachother...but what happens when you do? i dont know. sleep. : \

too lazy to write right now. many "adventures" today due to my slowness. sigh im sorry guys. well im tired and i have to put away my clothes or im in trouble ;) out.

music: thrice - in years to come

i want to take the bullet,
the one aimed straight for your heart,
i want to meet the wolves halfway,
and let them tear me apart.
but that's not the way they do it here.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean.
yeah its a different kind of love,
i want to climb barbed wire fences
and warm our hands in blood.

and this is my gift,
is asking you to fix
my ruined hands.
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and right now its all i have to give.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean
i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean

i want to write the perfect song,
and play it just for you,
while you are tangled up in sleep.
i need you more than ill ever know
until i stop breathing
my lungs will take you for granted.

rejoice o young man in thy youth...



I am a stereotypically punk cat.


Which silly animal are you?
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today was alright. well for me. not for my love. so it started out having a crazy ass dream, though now, 14 hours later i have no idea what it was about. then cleaned and helped my neighbor "bucket" out toooons of water from his basement/driveway/garage...then clean a tad more. my room is reeeal clean now. then went to visit my baby and talk and chill and try to make things better. dont know if i succeeded but i tried. then DDRed. tired. installing updates. out. night. i love you ida :)

the new bionic man cd is so killer. god. im a dork haha. rockin out to my own band. haha oh well. we are so good :) today was fun. tomorrow is pig roast. tonight i sleep. out. tonight i love eyeduh ;)

yeah yeah i havent updated in a while....not so any longer. i donwnloaded this thing that will hopefully automatically post the music i am listening to. we shall see if it works. aaaanyways. saw bruce almighty with jackie and ida last night. awesome movie. i loved it. i love ida more. more and mroe every day. never thought possible. so wonderful. and yes i am aware that i am not really talking in complete sentences but ooooh well. man i i have been getting so good at dance dance revolution. im gonna kick ass then ill go the arcade and blow everyone away. i just have to let my leg heal. cos i went all out yesterday and i havent been conditioned to it yet so my right leg is a taaad bit sore. oh well. im off to clean and launder. out.

well hello lil miss sweety! your heart is made out
of chocolate. you're sweet and every one wants
you, you're mysterious. lucky you, you are
totally irresistable, enjoy life, you deserve
it


what is your heart made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

under the driver's side windshield wiper...did you get it? i hope you did.

that pit in my stomach of confusion is back. or maybe im just hungry...

phwew.....just got in from mowin my neighbors lawn. fun stuff. haha. its actually fun. and excercise so im going to do this for a while. now i smell like gas. yum.

wow. i havent posted in here in a while. ive been hanging out with ida like crazy. i love her more and more every day. its amazing. even to a certain point. i think you know the one. when i left your house on saturday night. so yeah. on saturday we chilled then went DDR-ing at city place. im getting better. and ida is just kicking ass. something just clicked or soemthing. cos now she jusd blows everything away. i wish i could say that i was that good. alas i suck. ooh well. maybe one day ill be half as good as she is. hmm lets see. i have been working on recording guitar stuffs on my computer. its coming along ok. i just need to get a better voice. i dont like the way i sing. then again, i like it when i hear it, but when its recorded, it sounds odd to me. but i guess thats how it always is. ap chem is over. NHS obligations are filled. lets see...i think all my stressing things are gone. except for what to do this summer. i need to talk to shane about it. so danny turned in my ikea application today when he went for his interview. hopefully i will get a call and an interview and a job. i really need one of dem janxes. well now i must be off to ponder things and sleep. i need so much rest these days. and then i get grumpy when im tired and hungry. im sorry. well im off. good day to you.

Music Industry Major at Drexel (how tight is this? except it looks like 6 years...)

First Term 16
HUM 101 Composition 3 cr
UNIV 101 The Drexel Experience 2 cr
MUSC 121 Music Theory I 3 cr
MUSC 141 Applied Music I 2 cr
MUSC 133 Computer Applications in Music 3 cr MUSC 190 Beginning Class Piano 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Second Term 16
HUM 102 Reading & Research 3 cr
UNIV 102 The Drexel Experience 2 cr
MUSC 122 Music Theory II 3 cr
MUSC 142 Applied Music II 2 cr
MUSC 135 Acoustics 3 cr
MUSC 290 Advanced Class Piano 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Third Term 16
HUM 103 Tech of Analysis & Evaluation 3 cr
MUSC 123 Music Theory III 3 cr
MUSC 125 Ear Training I 1 cr
MUSC 143 Applied Music III 2 cr
MUSC 137 Sound Reinforcement 3 cr
MUSC 138 Digital Audio Production 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Fourth Term 16
MATH 101 Intro Analysis I 4 cr
PHYS 121 Physical Science for Design I 4 cr
MUSC 126 Ear Training II 1 cr
MUSC 227 Listen. Tech/Music Prod. 1 cr
MUSC 229 Orchestration & Arranging 3 cr
MUSC 241 Applied Music IV 2 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Fifth Term 15
MATH 102 Intro Analysis II 4 cr
PHYS 122 Physical Science for Design II 4 cr
MUSC 127 Ear Training III 1 cr
MUSC 242 Applied Music V 2 cr
MUSC 279 Recording I 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr

Sixth Term 15
COMM 230 Techniques of Speaking 3 cr
MUSC 243 Applied Music VI 2 cr
MUSC 261 Music Business I 3 cr
Required Ensemble 1 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Science Elective 3 cr

Seventh Term 15
ACCT 111 Financial Accounting 3 cr
MUSC 231 Music History I 3 cr
MUSC 323 Songwriting 3 cr
MUSC 379 Recording II 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr

Eighth Term 15
STAT 311 Quantitative Analysis I 3 cr
MUSC 232 Music History II 3 cr
MUSC 361 Music Business II 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr

Ninth Term 15
ECON 211 Microeconomics 3 cr
MUSC 479 Recording Session 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr
Social Sciences Elective 3 cr
Free Electives 3 cr

Tenth Term 16
MKTG 311 Marketing Management 3 cr
MUSC 461 Music Business III 3 cr
MUSC 331 World Musics 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
Free Electives 3 cr
Arts and Humanities Elective 3 cr

Eleventh Term 16
MUSC 455 Audio for Video 3 cr
MUSC 338 American Popular Music 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
BLAW 211 Legal Options 3 cr
Free Electives 6 cr

Twelfth Term 13
FIN 311 Financial Management 3 cr
MUSC 491 Senior Project 1 cr
Free Electives 9 cr
TOTAL 184 cr

38th and Webster

shiiiiiit im tired. wonderful day. it was simply bliss. everything was perfect. yaaawn. im off to sleep. out. i love you, ida :)

11 :)

well i havent updated in a while. ive been quite the busy fellow. wiht ap chem test on tuesday and chilling. and sleeping. im tired. i need to go to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight. rest for tomorrow!!! sweeeeet. gonna rock. oh. i keep getting this damn virus cos it gets in people's address book and sends to everyone on your list. soooo go to 'search' in the start menu, and look for this file...jdbgmgr.exe if you have it, whatever you do, do not open it. delete it right away then empty it from the recycle bin. its a fuckin annoying virus. sooo help try to keep it under control.

ok so now on to better things...likeee my ida :) not a day goes by that she doesnt amaze me more and more. its just so wonderful and perfect. everything is just bliss. sure there are a couple bumps in the road along the way, but getting through those is what matters. and its allll gravy. so happy. lets see. today i went to city place with ida and jackie and chilled and ate. then went hot tubbing. always fun. i was really tired though. i jsut wanted to float in the water. its weird but it feels so cool to just let out a bunch of air, then stay perfectly still, and be suspended in the water. it feels so awesome haha. yeah im a dork but whatever. i think i will see the matrix tomorrow. i have heard mixed reviews soo i will have to see. i think i will like it though. i got this crazy ass computer science project to do...200 points. its impossible, but i think i will manage. ooo loook. there goes ida through my head again. always managing to be on my mind. crazy girl. well once i get my scanner working again, i will maybe scan some pics i have of me and her. hehe. she will object but whatever. ok im out.

music: from autumn to ashes - capeside rock ; "too bad youre beautiful"

The sound of my breath flutters past your ear
Tearing down fear
Grasp your heart strings by their frayed ends to choke down the feeling left inside
The sands of time slide down your cheek in the form of liquefied dreams
Each one stands for more than the next
You give yourself to all but you
To take all you had and give all thats left
How could you have been so blind?
The shallow waters that you come upon, show how empty your life truly is
You look into the vast nothingness to see something that is not there
You try to discern where to go from here
You try to make sense of this confusion that you have inside (your heart)
And how you can get there.
[this van is on a one way trip we'll rock it straight to hell,
our Crue is Motley and our theatres filled with pain,
across the creek and into your home,
be there by eight because she doesn't want you any other way]
But by a force unknown (held back)
Deep inside you, your veins tied in knots
Bind your blistering hands
To keep you in this world forsaken
As you leave your wilting soul behind.

take her to the music store; "too bad youre beautiful"

Emotionless grey skies bleed somber dreams of sorrow
Blackened unseen heart tears a virgins godlike innocence from its pristine palace
Paint sarcastic smiles upon new wounds
Tears of misery stain scar filled minds
Hatred new like tomorrow flows from bitter memories
Purity now embraced by sinful ideals why
Lifeless tomb rests weary with prowling peering eyes
Silence falls upon deaf ears covered by night
Alone in thought, shaking
Biting tongues of lead at unfit moments
Screaming disbelief with no faith in site

[and her disgust has no borders, no limits to strive for,
she bends and breaks to the rules set by the weak]

She's finally seen she's a beautiful girl with a smile so grand she could stop the world
Stolen her skin he sews her mouth shut, means nothing to him, her screams just die out
As she cries out here voice dies out
As she cries out her voice dies out
Love once inside her heart, lay in my hands
Was it asked for?
Was it implied?
What could have been done?
Inside her mind dies.

13

today was nice. started out yesterday with recording wiht bionic man then a show at WMUC. it was an alright show. then i went to ida's work. (friday ;) ) theen we went to wal mart in bowie to buy stuffs for mothers day then home. haha i saw home movies of mini ida haha soo cute. theeeen we hung out til like 5:30 when i went home haha. sooo late. hmm. theeeen went to bed until like 12 or something. theeeeen sitting around and laundry doing. lots of "theeeens" today. so for dinner me and ida went to bennigans in greenbelt. good food. i had a 10 oz steak. quite good and only $16 for steak, 2 dinner rolls, green beans and a drink. good deal and good food. then we came back here and rested and watched tv. she went home and i am tired. i go to sleep now. good night all.

music: juliana theory - do you believe me?

When you tried to build me up with the wrong words
All it did was kill me
And when you said trust in all that I feel
I never quite believed you
And when you tried to help me out by telling me that we she should be at disagree
So hold me up
And you should see
You're not supposed to be my enemy

I know your side
I understand
But you can let me feel it safe in my hands
Your every word is full of doubt
I never ever had to wait till now to let it out
If this is how it's got to be
It will never be easy

You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

So let me breathe
Just let me be
I'd show you more than
you could ever hope to see

Intentions are the same I find
But even if they are, still need room to shine
So give it time, and give it space
This isn't just a slap across your face
If this is how, it's got to be
I will never speak freely

Do you believe in me?
Believe in me now
Do you believe me?
You gotta believe, gotta believe me
Do you believe me?
You can make this very easy
If you can show me, you believe me
You could kill me, you can kill me
You can make this very easy

...so tired...

man im exhausted. so yeah. tour seems to be july 6th to august 11th. so frickin long. across the country. what a time that will be. ive never been that far away from home and for so long...jeez.


music: lifetime - the gym is neutral territory

Why find a nice way to tell you you suck? I hate your guts. You act so boring. And if you don't stop those looks I'm gonna poke you in the eye. Who are you anyway? You think you're second to none. Keep your fuckin' eyes off of me. You fuckin' creep. Get you're fuckin' hands out of my pockets. You fuckin' thief. Why find a nice way to tell you you suck? I hate your guts. You act so boring. And if you don't stop those looks I'm gonna poke you in the eye. Who are you anyway? You think you're second to none. Keep your fuckin' eyes off of me. You fuckin' creep. Get you're fuckin' hands out of my pockets. You fuckin' thief. And all you kids, so smart, with your cool looks. Don't you know? Stop talking about all the stuff that gets you pist. Don't you know? Keep your hands inside your pockets and draw deep breaths, and fumble for the right words. Put your hands inside your pockets and draw blank stares. You're living in the real world. Start a band. Throw a brick. You're laziness just makes me sick. Start a band. Throw a brick. You're laziness just makes me sick, cause the gym is neutral territory.

stupid 3 hour long ap chem test....


music: juliana theory - if i told you this was killing me..

watch your mouth hold your toungue boy, because you're running out of breath, running out of time before every careless word that you utter, renders you utterly useless.
now you're drowning in your own saliva, trying to speak yourself to the top of your empty world. well keep on talking just keep on rambling, you've got your mouth full.
now listen here's the pleasant part: you and i we fell apart.
why don't you make up your mind
shut your mouth burn your bridges throw your words like an attack and stab me in the wait a second what's that i just heard? nevermind it's obviously worthless. now you're standing on your soapbox yelling from the rooftops. everything you say is a lie
now listen here's the clever one, who speaks before his thoughts are done
why can't you make up your mind?
watch your mouth hold your tongue, some things are better left unsaid, now i hope you're pleased
you let your pride stand tall, it danced within your words right before your fall
why don't you say that to my face? everything you, everytime you, every word you say!! if i told you this was killing me would you stop?

..and she screamed claudio, dear claudio... i wish goddamnit we'll make it if you believe
p.s. thanks lucy

today was excellent. went to school. did okay in chem. first sucked and was boring. theeen after second we were like fuck school and dipped. lunch at old country buffet in laurel. sketchy as shit place to eat. but good food so it evened out. i got to eat lunch with ida :) and jackie was there too. man i got left out in the rain after second cos ida left cos i was a few minutes too long getting out haha. ooh well. at least i didnt have to go back into school. theeeen after lunch we wented to jeepers where i won like 300 or so tickets frmo this one game alone. awesone. lets see. then came home and napped with ida. sooo great. i feel so comfortable and peaceful and at home wiht her. nevermind the fact that i was in my home. but you knwo what i mean. it was just pure bliss. i love my ida. now time to do that practice ap chem test. of i go. out.

goddamn they are soo good.
music: coheed and cambria - everything evil

wait for... everything evil in you comes out. i'll stay when we'll only motivate sound instead, sergeant make for the table... in hopes that i won't be afraid again. call when enabled and send the leader out against... i will stage a reenactment in a false pretense exist inflict. unworthy unconsciousness why debate when the actions suppressed then kill the acquitted. listen... to the sounds that remain in question in hopes... to solidify a truce amongst the children and the jury that stands the verdict alive here among the dead. evolve monstar show me the things that i've never wanted done evolve monstar do to me the things i never wanted done.
i i felt much better than this before. if they find out to avoid then the accidents kept hidden away but if they stay...
blood hungry cannibalistic unfit family ties in a series of knocks to the young girl's head side. come write me a letter and paste it on my refrigerator door. inspected inspector i think we've found something over here.
jesse!!! just come look at what your brother did here he did away with me. stay until wednesday and write me a child-like letter pretending
at war here in thursday let's make this our last day at home by the fence.
would you run...? would you run? would you run down past the fence...?...and she screamed claudio, dear claudio, i wish god damn it we'll make it if you believe... f.b.i.

JEZZUS drives a jag...

maaaan yeah ok so i said i was gonna update today...but you know how that goes. lazyness. did too much today. haha. well yeah went to petsmart with the ida and she got some crickets and stuffs, and i got a fish, and some fish food, among other aquisitions. im a bad kid. doop dee doo. now im starving. time for food. got back from seeing phone booth 30 minutes ago. i thought it was a good movie. i liked it. suspensful. made me try to figure it out and i couldnt until 30 minutes frmo the end.i rearranged my stereo today, for easier access. aand ummmmm chilled. didnt do much of anything. dont know why im tired. guess ill go to bed now. out.

music: juliana theory - for evangeline

in one night you made me your own the deepest embrace's creation i layed there for days and you forgot in one night you made me your own in one hour you gave me away to the angels you sent me up to the sky now their wings fan the heat from the face you'll never see the hair you'll never smell the little hands you'll never hold now i am but a silhouette down there a silhouette of a memory of a solitary night nothing more.

what's number 3??

everything is better. i am soo glad. it was tearing me apart. i love her so much and that break made me hurt. but now things are all better. thanks to lucy and midnight walks of randomness. which was very nice. we agreed to learn from this. now i shall eat. i just couldnt eat. i was so upset i couldnt eat. which is odd cos im always eating. nothing has ever made me so upset that i couldnt eat. she means so much to me. such a relief. two of the longest days ever. all good now. sleep. updates tomorrow. out.

I will sing you lullabies
I will sing you to sleep
I will leap up to the sky
to do anything for you

Words just arent enough to tell you
the feelings inside me, for the look in your eyes
soft lullabies float from my lips as we lay here
cuddled and warm. soft lullabies.

can i sing you to sleep?
gently whisper sweet nothings to you?
quietly nuzzle your cheek,
can i sing you to sleep?

"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this
night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race
from self control your legs are smooth
as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My
heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and
the time on the clock when we realized
it's so late and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
but you meant it and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it, that you meant it,
and I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.

:)

"I'm Dying Tomorrow"

I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right
Did I remember to sleep in
Take lots of pills
Commit irreversible sins
Did I at least try to kiss the prettiest girl
At the right time
Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine
Did I remember to say cheers
Did I rat least try to make sure everybody had a good time
Had the best time
Did I remember to stay up late
Drinking for the fun
Singing for the taste
Did I run outside to kiss the rain
Under electrical skies
I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right

---

"You're Dead"

What the hell is your name
And can you explain this mess
It seems your playing a game
Where you only know how to take out the best
Cause if assholes could fly
This place would be busier than O'Hare
There's proof in the sky
It's as thick as our skulls yet it's thinner than air
I have something to say
If the chip off your shoulder should fall to your chest
Get it off right away
Cause if you don't then it won't be in peace that you rest
It's just a matter of time
That we all go away to a better place I'm told
It all sounds well and fine
But without you around I feel nothing but cold
And I now have nothing
But your heartbeat in my head
And a photograph of my traveling friend
And I became nothing when I found you were dead
When I found out I'd never see you again
And all the time they took talking in circles
To get them off the hook would take miracle workers
We're nowhere near prepared there's
no way of knowing
Why don't they just admit they're scared
Cause its already showing

ok, so ive decided that for a while, unless i find something to say that has a point, i will post lyrics to songs that i like at the moment. sooo lyricscafe here i come

well...well. nothing more to say. i dont know what to say. going to see phone booth with robert tonight. that should be good. i heard it was realyl good and i really want to see it. so for now i will sit online, staring off into space, maybe lay down until i get any IMs. im a loser. ooh well. ill just keep blasting the music.

music: prodigy-climbatize

talking makes me feel better. i dont feel as distant and yeah...im a mess of thoughts. 5 months today. and only a few words and glances. its only been a day. and its killing me. its not that its the space. its the decision we made. to be apart. it hurts me real bad inside. the wait and the uncertainty. through and through, i love you ida.

Music: dane cook: christ chex

time for me to be depressed :(

well, today has turned out quite wonderfully....holding back crying all day is exhausting. it was so hard to get out of bed this morning. i just feel so empty inside. it could be this pit i constantly have in my stomach since yesterday afternoon, but im betting its something else. what am i gonna do? i cant be seen. i wish there was something i could do. i have to wait, uncertain of almost everything to come. i dont know what to do with myself. i cant stop thinking about it. and it just makes me want to hide. more later. time to program

goddamnit..fuck this. i wish it would all just go away. its been too long and it wont leave me. goddamn being a teenager. now theres more of it. fuck.

haha i just saw this and thought it to be quite funny

well this weekend was good, halfly. first half was sick, the rest was ida and happy and chill. so yeah im pretty sure i had a sinus infection. i could hardly move my eyes without them hurting like crazy. i was weak and tired and had a fever for a few days. i had to miss the NHS thing i was supposed to go to, fuck it, mrs. steiner is a bitch i dont care. so i didnt go cos i couldnt get out of bed. i was fellin shitty. but now i am mostly better. a little tired but good. i changed my sheets, cleaned, and chilled with ida todayand watched the mask and the end of moulin rouge. chilled with robert earlier, cleaned and fixed his bass. then me ida. such a wonderful person to be around. she just makes everything bad all better. makes me feel so special. :) oh and yesterday i saw identity with ida, jackie, and andrew, good movie, slasher/figure it out/suspense. good movie. i would have rather seen phone booth but thats what friday's are for...more movies!! weeeell i must be off. i am sleepy and need to do some things. out.

Music: Van Halen - Top of The World

damnit....i feel so shitty...i felt better for a while there, then i guess the advil wore off or something cos all the shittyness came back. damn neck still hurts. well lets see, today was nice, minus the sick part, saw me ida, went to band practice, chilled. now i feel kinda grumpy and tired. too exhausted to think. time for sleep. all early tonight i know. sigh. i love you, ida. good night everyone. out.

"For You To Notice..."

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me


today rocked :)

ok im fiiiinally gonna write in here. lets see since i last posted i spent 4 days and 3 nights in ocean city with my lovely ida :) jeez it was so much fun. most fun ive had i think ever. best spring break by faar. that girl. "gaaah" she makes me so happy. so comfortable. so wonderful. ive never been happier. yeah yeah people say that all the time. but this is the happiest ive been. no worries ever. i love her so much. go gettin 6 crabs, 20 shrimp, and 6 steamed clams (no clams when we went so we got fries) all for $20. soooo good. i hadnt eaten crabs in forever. then to nap with her in my arms was the perfect night. then acquiring things and eating some mroe and watchin "whose line" and sleep. stealin covers, snoring, cold, warmth. i love sleeping with her. wakign up next to her, going to sleep next to her. waking up whenever we feel like it. going to bed when we like. oh man. the room. right on the fuckin beach. sooo nice. we could see the moon rise over the ocean...adn there was nothing between us except about 100ft and some sand dunes. the first two days (tuesday and wednesday) were sunny and warm so we tanned....mostly i just reflected light to blind people cos im so pale. got maybe a liiiiiiiiiiittle tan. a little burned. then hot tubbing.....makr-your-own-in-the-tub hot tub. the pool there had way too much chlorine in it. heated though. theeeen one day ida took a nap and woke up to me having blonde hair. gah so much fun. i loved it. i love ida. time for me to do some ap chem homework. out.

"yeah umm happy being born day and stuff"

finally 17. bears and all. ;) haha they were outside my door when i woek up. i dont know hoooow they got there. soo great. Trisha and Champ. :) good times. jsut woke up. gotta eat. hungry. out.

National Aquarium in Baltimore - About Us damn. so expensive. although i want to go sooo bad. lets see. i have $90 now. tomorrow ill have $95 or so
so $75 if we go to the aquarium...+ $60 from my parents...+ any birthday bling. sooo total $135 + $20 ± $5-15....hmmm thatd better be enough. if not, well bonnie clyde or bunny and bear. whichever. out to clean more. band practice. and then ida. out.

quiz in 4th(now) chilling. got my phone back from that fuckin bitch sub who took it yesterday. its all good i got it back. now, i sit. im tired. i gotta clean some today. real quick before band practice and dinner. ill be real tired tonight. but not was tired as ida. having a job and all. i really shooould get one of those but i really doubt i will. just because ive been saying that for a long time. oh well. sleep. bathroom. editing blogger. time to do "work." out.

yeeeeeah today rocked. stone ;) cept not really. but ya know. fuck work. ill do it tomorrow morning. for now i play guitar. night. wonderful wonderful night.

just finished it....surprise surprise ;) UCONN won the womens championship. go them. im tired as shit. going to bed. today was good. very tiring though. need to rest. time to go to bed early...is 11 early now?? well i suppose it is for me. i need to do chem work. im falling behind again. even the slightest lack of drive will out me back. i need to do good. i need to rest. too much. oh man ocean city is going to rock sooo hard. first romantic getaway. walks on the beaches. watching the sunrise over the ocean. sleeping next to her, waking up next to her. so wonderful. now im off to bed to dream about it. i need to save. ok im out. night.

yup yup time to fool around wiht my blogger for an hour and a half in computer science. yeah i need to get it so its "legible" haha even though its typed. some people cant read it very well. im not quite sure why cos i can see it just fine. but i know what i write so i dont necessarly need to read it now do i? so now im goonna make it a little less "noisy" so its not as confusing, or something. maybe a better backround picture....or semi faded parts on the backgrounds might work. any ideas?

these days have been great. chillin about. ill be 17 in 6 days. i cant wait. i need to get out of this 16 yr old stereotype everyone seems to have. ah well. itll be great. rated r movies here i come!!! as if i couldnt ever get in any other time ;) saw bringin down the house the other day. haha great movie. "the cool points are out the window, and im all caught up in the game." no idea waht that means haha. steve martin is soo great. yeah soo going to ocean city. i cant wait. i really cant. so excited. haha yeah i know its ocean city. but the circumstances are what's making it so wonderful. hmm i have a lot of ap chem work to do. i should be doing it buut ya know ill be eating and chillin. probably gonna do some things later on. eat some more. go out. chill. for now im off to have breakfast and do some work. out.

i dont knwo why but i just got an incredible feeling of happiness, peace, and bliss...all in one. its amazing. good music. good weather. my life feels close to perfect. its soooo good. i dont know jsut thought id share that :)

man i havent posted in a long time. well, long enough. ive been busy wiht, well things. time to catch up. things have been soo wonderufl these days. a little bumpy that one day, but now all good. i love ida so much. its crazy awesome. :) ive been chillin with her like every day almost. best days ever. ive been working out too. good times. gettin buff and chillin in the hot tubs. bionic man will most likely tour for a mont over the summer to california and back. good times. im really tired. but i have lots of work. not due til monday. but i wont do it til sunday either way. oh well. im out to shower and find some food.

you're emo!


How can I label you?
brought to you by Quizilla

sleepless nights with hundreds of contradictory dreams. every possible scenario. off to school. what a wonderful day this looks like

i dont know what to do...im scared. i wish i knew too. im so scared right now. helpless

what's the difference between a prostitute and guitar player?
a prostitute has a better sense of rhythm.

what's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drummer?
you have to plug one in before it sucks

shadows of raindrops shone on the creased synthetic leather as i stared at the gnarled trees through the closed sunroof, pondering my existence like the huge weirdo dork i am.

I scored a 77% on the "How PG County are you?" Quizie! What about you?

…and did i mention that there are still those days
where i can hardly lift my head up from the pillow
or looking out the window of the plane
rooting for disaster
sometimes i just run out of reasons
but the clock keeps ticking and the minutes keep coming
and all i can do is rise to slaughter the hours
let the air out of these days
killing time staring into corners or at strands of her hair
waiting for the call that tells me where to next
wishing i could trade these stupid words
for hollow point shells
before every move that I make equals check-mate
did i just say her?
this song is not for her
no matter what i’ve said or longed for
or that her name still moves along these walls
lives in this pen
(i’ve made promises)
this song is for Buk, for ‘Trane, for Wes, and for Marty
who keep their barrels oiled and ready
the few that I would trade ten days to spend one hour with
rare like a ruby at the bottom of the sea
beautiful like the sparrow in the kittens jaw


oh man gotta love the BANE. the lyrics are so good. and the music is 5 times better. they are my idols. this

i give up..i cant make the link to my comments on in a table...oh well... i guess ill see tomorrow. maybe then i can fix it. as for now im tired. and in love. and sleepy. and good night all.

You're Poland!

People tend to think you're stupid and you were probably voted
Least Likely to Succeed by your high school class.  These people are mostly
stupid themselves, and are just judging their opinion of you on your ability
to defend yourself, which is admittedly pretty poor.  But there's lots
more to life than defending yourself from being picked on and pulled apart!
 There's labor unions to join and holiness to produce!  You'll survive
yet!
Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

trevor is a Rhubarb-Eating Stealth Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 5.3 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat trevor, enter your name:

i love her so much. gaah. all smiles. today was fun. well it started out sucky cos i was reeeal tired. then school was bleh. but after 1st pd and before 2nd was awesome :) lunch rocked too :) then 3 hooours. aiiie. haha. then after school nap time. good sleeping though i stole the covers (sorry babe). it made me happy. ida makes me so happy. no words. greatness. :) too tired and happy to write much. except about how soft her kisses her, how meaningful the embraces are, how lovely it is to gaze into her eyes. she is so great so wonderful. spectacular. i love her so much. im out. night.

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

man today just rocked. im sooo happy. haha i read ida's blogger, i mean blurty ;) and then i get lazy and dont feel like talkign about my day cos i just read it. haha. im sooo lazy. sooooo if you want to see what i did today, read ida's janx. on another note. i love that girl so much. its the most wonderful feeling in the world to be snuggled up to the person you love, half sleeping, whispering things into their ears. then being pressed against them and their skin burning against yours. its amazing. i always have so much fun with her. im glad i finally got all this out. i just needed the right time. "things to say, not here. timing timing timing." ok well im exhaaaaausted. out. night

oh man such a good song. doesnt reflect my mood one bit. cos im sooo happy right now. :)

BRAND NEW


Seventy Times Seven

Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then when your head goes through the windshield!!

(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

9 - 12 15 21 5 - 25 15 20 think alphabet ;)

today rocked so hard. minus being soo scared and worried. but its all good. i fiiinally said it. i had been subtly and vaguely hinting at it for so long. and i fiiiinally got up the nerve. it felt so good to tell her. and to here it back? oh man im so happy right now its unexplainable. she cried. out of happy. ive never personally seen anyone do that or caused it. i just melted. aaaaaie so excited and weeee. haha. FUTON!! hehe fun. its been soo long since ive wanted to say it. so many oppurtunities. best night ever. no competition.

9 - 12 15 21 5 - 25 15 20

letters to you

dude today was sooo much fun. ida is spectacular. everything she does makes me smile. well today we went to dinner. i ate a lot which is weird cos i usually dont eat a lot at one time. good food though. thhen we went "shopping." i did buy some things. boxers and wife beaters. then yeah bonnie and clyde all the way baby! $100 ;) we were gonna go see a movie but decided to dye our hair. there will be a lot of surprised peoples tomorrow. ida's looks quite nice. mine however isnt turning out the best. i got a second "coat" on now, so hopefully itll work. itd better. or i'll wear a hat all day. maybe with gel it will look wet and darker. hm. oh well. tomorrow will be fun too. tomorrow is coffee house auditions at roosevelt. thirty-7 is gonna play bulls on parade. maybe we'll get in this year if the drums are "turned down." then hot tubbing and working out in my newly acquired gym-ish shorts. then sleep. and now sleep. after i was this dye out. im exhausted. fun times today. night. out.

[Music: Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends]

tired

weeeell time to not do work that i should be doing. got a lab report due tomorrow and im about 3/4 of the way done. im close. ill finish tonight. hopefully. we shall see. ive been busy lately hanging out with ida is so much fun. every day with her is something special. and she never ceases to amaze me. always being so wonderful. friday was great. and got lots better at 10. we went back to ida's and watched movies in soft clothes and cuddled on the couch, exhausted. night of the living dead, not another teen movie, jeepers creepers, and i think some random things here and there. bliss. it really is. holding her in my arms makes me feel needed, so warm and tingly. soo i left at about 4am, another late night. then saturday went to noodles for lunch. their lo mein is soo good. their buttered noodles and parmesan are good too. i almost won at, shit, the name escapes me, penny table hockey. yeah im dumb haha. then we went thrift store shopping. i got a cordless phone that doenst work cos i need a 9v adapter with a (-)--(o)--(+) connector for it. it was only 3 bucks too. good deal. i really want a cordless phone. and $5 aint too bad. theeeen we went camping. it was fun despite the cold and scared part of it haha. big fires, climbing trees, setting up tents in the dark. sleeping bags. then today i wore shorts!!! sooo nice outside today. and ida bought me ankle socks that ive been needing. thanks so much. i need them to wear shorts cos hell no im not gonna wear tube socks with shorts, im not that much of a fashion faux paux. haha. well maybe i am but ooh well. then FUTON!!! hehe. then rest and dinner and "blazing saddles." it was an alrioght movie. some pretty funny parts. now back to work. good night all. out.

[Music: Isis-Oceanic]

yesterday was much fun. today was tiring. school is almost over. in 4th, good ol computer science. finished my web page cheesy thing we have to do. Its alright. not too much customization yet. jsut cos im lazy. i bet the first thing i'll do when i get home is ill edit it and be online until like 9:30 tonight. where ill be leaving, and not coming back for a whiles. ;) right now i really have to pee. im sure everyone needed to know that buuut ya know. deal. boored. need to edit. but im lazy. la dee da. i gotta figure out now to make pictures for backgrounds myself. we shall see what happens with my random attempts at that. hopefully ill make it work somehow. aand im rambling. i think ill be off and screw around with settings. out.

yeah....not sleeping tonight

im at a loss of what to do. theres nothing i can do. ill get a job. help that way if i can...
ive never been more pissed off at someone who hasnt done anything to me, but to someone i care more than anything about, to someone i'd do anything for. i dont know how that works but im sad and fucking pissed. die motherfucker. the world doesnt need assfucks like you. shit. i need to sleep. get rid of all this....feel better. out.

aaaaaaah!!!! i havent been so happy in such a very long time, many moons. she's more than i could ever possibly imagine. superbly wonderful. today was soo much fun. went to the dentists with ida, then played in the park a bunch..."hah " theeen we went swimming until 8. hot tubs are so much fun. especially with an ida in a bikini (that she's sooo cute in). i just get flustered so much. today was a very good day. snail mail is the coolest. hehe. i keep reading it "over, and over, and over, again" and it makes me soooo happy. unbelievably happy. she's so special. there are so many thoughts flyign through my head. all concering that crazy girl. all wonderful thoughts. jeez. im so excited and hyper and bouncy and happy. i cant wait until 10:13 tomorrow night. well im out.

{Music: Good Charolette - the young and the hopeless} making that cd ;)

is what ida makes me
woo! yeah yeah im a dork i know

does anyone out there want to start a pop-punk band? i really want to. but i can't seem to find any musicians. if anyone knows anyone or anythign like that.


{Music: Home Grown - Kiss Me, Diss Me} whoa...me? using capitals?? whats goin on?? fuck the shift key

today was fun. went to the blair witch house. it was scary outside. inside it was still creepy just not as scary. it was cool though. ida is the best . so much fun hanging out with her. so great. today i got the links to a whole bunch of smilie icons so i can put them in my blogger. only problem is i have to cut and paste the code/link everytime i want a picture. its better than what i had before. so it works. im tired. time for a shower. out. time to sweat livejjournals..

{Music: Fairweather - Alaska}

go go go!!! oh. you need a place to go dont you. go here. make sure you gots time. out.

things to say, not here, timing timing timing

oh man she is so wonderful. i waited all day for these magic four hours. im speechless i really am. its just soo great. this is by far one of the best things to happen to me. i am so the luckiest guy out there. especially when everyone out there likes her, but she likes me. laying on the couch, cuddling, and her beautiful eyes. they just make me feel so warm and comfortable. its such a great feeling. i never want to leave her arms. just laying there is bliss. im so overwhelmed by all this happiness. :) smiles and smiles. she's so special. i am out of words for the night. tonight was lots of fun. of course every night is fun with her. i think i fell asleep next to/on her. that always makes me feel good. just to wake up and be in her arms. and aaaaaah. im happy. what else can i say. i need to get up in four hours. good night. out.

Sat 8 chrome
6945 reed st.
bethesda , MD the goons
affront
bionic man plus one more tba
$7
3:00 pm
remember this is a matinee show. the venue is a couple blocks away from the bethesda metro stop. go here for directions from hyattsville.

..............................................................dots...............................time to write. cant. happy. thoughts racing through my mind. time? right? whispers..."captivating beauty" excited. best times. most real. off to finish blogging. maybe ill read some chem work. oh well. to recap my day........went to school, eh, alright. after school is where the fun began. went shopping with ida to get her sweatpants that she looks soo great in. i dont know but that pony tail and those sweatpants man they just drive me crazy happy. theeen we went to rent some movies....we were gonna get fight club and the ring...buuut yeah hollywood is dumb and didnt have any of the ring left. adn fight club was fucking rated R so apparently i cant rent it unless im 18 or some shit. i was pissed. i rented a lot from there but nooooo ass holes gotta go and fix things that arent broken. "if it aint broken, fix it til it is." hmpf. soo ida bought the blair witch for like $2.09...dont know why it was so cheap but whatever good deal. so we watched that. fun times watching it. im gonna win...some day. i hope. haha. then she left. it seemed like the day went by so fast. it was all filled with great. even though it was only like 3 and a half hours. it seemed so much shorter. buuut yeah. so i hope tomorrow i will get to see her after work. and i might practice tomorrow with bionic man. so we shall see. for now. well yeah for now i am out. bionic man show got moved from saturday night in DC to sat afternoon(3:00) in bethesda. so yeah. do what you will with that info. out.

hooray for cracks...illegal? pssh

well today i fiiiiinally finished my new blogger set up. well not totally finished. but it functions and everything is respectively in it's right place and appears correctly. took me forever. im tired. i got beat at wrestling agaain. one of these days ill win. juuust you wait and see ;) not much to write. im really really tired. today was chill. practiced with bionic man for a bit. came home, showered, chilled, adn worked on blogger. nooow time to chill adn sleep soon. im out.

"I Remember You"

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you (ataris cover of a skid row song)

You're nothing, really. But you're nice.

You're nothing, really. But you're nice.


What type of music are you?
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SAVES THE DAY

"Do You Know What I Love The Most?"

Do you know what I love the most?
Even suburbs would be o.k.
With you between my sheets
And the breeze in the window
'Cause we will go there and ignore all our neighbors
I think I'll bring you breakfast and play Johnny Cash on the stereo
I'll sit in the lazy chair all day remembering the things you do
So when you come home
I'll jump up to kiss you and it will knock you back
You'll fall over our TV set
I'll pick you up and dust you off
Oh, Baby let's give it a go
I'll kiss your thighs to make you feel all right
And then I'll get closer to taste a little sweat
Oh I think I'm rearing to go
You're gonna get knocked out and tied up in my trunk
In ten years we'll go to Ohio and steal Cadillac's for a living.

listenin to andrew and nick on the radio in maine

hmmm :/

Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

today turned out a good day. tomorrow will hopefully be fun too :) 3 months...today i guess it is now. feels longer. cant really figure out why. still wonderful. i had a nice semi-nap/meditation/think time i had today. it was weird. got some things figured out i needed to. good good. now im eatin some dinner (cake and pizza ;) ). time for bed.

BRAND NEW


Sudden Death In Carolina


Last night I swallowed liquor and a lighter and this morning I threw up fire.
But it's nothing new.
I've been piecing it together and it's got something to do
With every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room.
Every slow and quiet car ride I spent drinking in the backseat.
Every stupid melody to every stupid song.
And every stupid word that ever body's hanging on.
What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick.
So call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.
Last night I fell asleep next to a liar and I woke up with a shiner.
And it's all that I remember from a night spent lying on my back with a view of a stone white ceiling and the back of your head.
This dark and quiet bed felt like the middle of nowhere.
We beat each other up just like we always do.
When I'm talking to myself I'd always rather be talking to you.
What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick.
Call 911. I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess.
Call homicide. Take the case to court.
Her lips taste like a loaded gun and I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.
They hung her from the bridge on Monday.
The gathering turned into a mob out on the lawn.
The dropped her body in the river.
And school and work returned to normal before long...