every word weighs on me like its the last straw
one more time and im going to break
every word is too heavy for my withering heart to bear
and every time i hear that name i die a little more than i'd ever hoped i would

How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a wave

you might as well just put all the lyrics from copeland in here...they all make me feel more and more emo by the minute...a constant reminder of the situation

wow a post?? lyrics, yes. but meaningful ones...are they ever other than that?

American Love

Exchanging Beauty For The Ashes
Given My Heart To Nothing Real
I've Given My Heart Away
To So Many Things
So Many Times I've Failed
Help Me Stop This Endless Cycle
Remind Me Of How It Can Be
Take Me Back I Surrender All
Without You My Heart Is Broken
I Never Should Have Let You Go
I Never Should Have Let You Slip
Through My Arms
As The Sun Sets Tonight
I'll Hold You With All That I Am
I Never Should Have Let You Go
Promise Me Youll Stay With Me Forever
Forever
Forgive Me
For Running So Quickly To The Outside

Well here's an update for once. unearth=new favorite band. and...im lonely. hm. busy too. probably going to end up double-majoring in psychology and music. might be cool. umm. i dont even know if anyone still reads this. meh.

"Rue even for ruth here shortly shall be see,
In the remembrance of a weeping queen."

this is a real quick one for you ;) im reading this damn play. its good though...jsut gotta have it done by tomorrow at 11am. not too bad. shit..ive been figured out i think....unless...she doesnt already know. in which case im just fuckin myself over. heh. oh well. its all in good fun...and broken hearts...sniff sniff

mark this day...hawthorne heights will be huge...i predict now.

you wanted a post? here ya go

Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland, Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line. I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms. We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two. Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you. Like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss Or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist... These are the things that make me free I feel like I'm stuck in "stand by me" This night was too good to be true. Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me, I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be. Today you called me up and said you'd see me at our show, But now I'm stuck debating if I even wanna go. [your name here], don't you understand that what I say is true? I just want you to know I have a major crush on you. I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you. I only wish that this could be Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me I swear I'd treat you like a queen.

kelly is awesome

so yeah i havent updated in a rather long time....so i guess now is a good a time as any. school is pretty rockin. good classes and an awesome shakespeare TA.....there was going to be a point to this song...i mean post...but puff the magic dragon kept popping in my head. now im rockin to dream theater, before was integrity. mmmm. I'm already in a jazz combo at UMD. the jazz director signed me up for one before i even asked. it was awesome. oh! and this dude at chuck's, ah 40 year old Brazillian man named Roger (but with the accents that i cant type) wanted me to give him bass lessons...he got my email and everyting. he was amazed at how i sounded. apparently i sounded like jaco pastorius..who happens to be my idol. it was a good day. three day weekend, and hoimework tomorrow. gotta be a good student..hah. maybe.

ok...so is it odd that i frequently (nearly every evening) eat the following incredibly delicious dish?

placed in this order:
-three scoops vanilla ice cream
-whipped cream
-chocolate syrup
-caramel syrup
-maple syrup
-malt powder
-NEW! Pastry Toppings/Add Ons
   -mini powdered doughnuts
   -Enteman's cheese danish




sooo gooood!!

P.S. Im weird

[A Decade Under the Influence - Taking Back Sunday]

man...school starts in a few weeks. i cant wait. its going to be fucking awesome. ill be busy. but ill be learning. rockin.

[Little Devotional - Taking Back Sunday]

the new taking back sunday is fuckin killer. goddamn. its heavier and more rockin and more melodic. so good. you must listen.

[Number Five With A Bullet - Taking Back Sunday]

New Found Glory
Coheed & Cambria
Taking Back Sunday
Bouncing Souls
Yellowcard
Story of the Year
Sugarcult
Motion City Soundtrack

[Slowdance On The Inside - Taking Back Sunday]

If I were you and you were me
And we were back in '93
We had it all and all was well
And this was where about I fell
But that was then, we could pretend
Our differences would be the end
I take it back, full-blown attack
Now it all just fades to black

I just wanna feel alive
Time goes flying by
Doodoo doodoo doodoo
Doodoo doodoo doodoo

If this is how it's gonna be
Then I might as well be free
If this is how you're gonna act
Then I just won't take you back
I knew you well, I knew you then
But now I can't seem to pretend
Where have we gone, It's been so long?

I just wanna feel alive
Time goes flying by

If I were you and you were me
And we were back in '93
We had it all and all was well
And this was where about I fell
I would've died, you never lied
Way before we even tried
And if I knew what we'd go through
Would I still be into you?
Still be into you?

I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be happy here sometime

[Happy - Goldfinger]

not enough time to do everything i need and want to do....fuck..

[Spokesman - Goldfinger]

okay so tonight so far ive rocked to the following :modest mouse, the rocky soundtrack, integrity, converge, comeback kid, andrew wk, the cure, silent drive, at the drive in,


currently at 555 hours 30 minutes 2 seconds
8861 items 39GB...damn 23.125 days

still rocking the no hangover streak! woo...and made $100 playing at Pennsylvania Ave Baptist church...and they want me to come back

[The American Classic - Silent Drive]

i fucking love music. it is the most amazing creation ever to exist. the feelings you can convey. the amazingly wonderful time you can have while playing your heart out of your instrument in front of people. even better when its your best friends. i need to move more toward feeling the music and giving back what i feel during solos. be one with the bass. sounds lame. but you have to make the bass an extension of your heart. play what you fucking love.

[American Classic - Silent Drive]

"beauty in its various forms appeals to you" - fortune cookie
there were two others...cos i got two fortunes in one cookie...but theyre downstairs and im laaazy

[heavens final war - Integrity]

so i was going to post some stuff..songs and what not...i have writing epidemics at work sometimes...doing the rotovaping....oi. but yeah. i think ill leave them off for now. until i figure things out. after i talk to you. and hm...yeah.

[lost without you - Integrity]

whoooooooooooooo's reeeeeeallly drunk???????? mmeeeeeeeeeee

[(LIVE) Jaco Pastorius - Bass Solo (Live Under The Sky '84)(1) - ]

gotta find something to do tonight!!

[Stolen From Some Great Writer - Spitalfield]

shit.....fucking 9 and a half hours of music today. and so many new people. i'm loving this all. this is the best course. this is what ive needed for such a long time. im so happy with this. and a lot of very nice girls too. haha.

[autumn nocturne - dave holland ]

Saturday june 26th

@ the house from fucking hell!!!!
(doesthat sound tuff?)

bionicman
bail out
on the run…
missing autum Chicago, ill
December calls Chicago, ill

Show starts when you get there!! (7pm)
3701 41st ave
cottage city, md 20722

donations for tourin bands

i fucking love white lion...thanks shane...gettin me all back into the good rock

[Love Don't Come Easy - White Lion]

yeah...hah i like it

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so
Isolated so
Motivated I am
Certain now that I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So tired of the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption

[Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional]

man i heard that new dashboard a long time ago....and i just found out that it's in the new spider man movie...and there's a video..its crazy...haha im gonna go see him at merriweather with thrice and the get up kids.

[Cold Cash and Colder Hearts - Thrice]

i know now why it didnt work...you were too similar to me when i was in 9th grade...an attitude/personality that i disliked...so i guess itll be shitt since youll find out some other way. oh well. i figured it out though. took long enough.

[Givin' Yourself Away - Ratt]

ok so my dream is to become bass player/lover with a music superstar...like sheryl crow...mmm

[The Na-Na Song - Sheryl Crow]

haha dude...today i actually considered joining a fraternity...oh man.

[Drop Dead Legs - Van Halen]

1 Pie/two 1.00

McDonald's has some weird ways of displaying the price for two pies..or maybe it just seems really weird to me? hm oh well..i have van halen!!

[Panama - Van Halen]

Tre4222: its three scoops of vanilla ice cream, a bit of malt sprinkled on top, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and a littel maple syrup

[Failure's Not Flattering - New Found Glory]

if there's one thing i really hate, it's people talking shit about me and making things up and exagerating stories. its so low its not even funny.

8737 songs 548:25:23 (22.83 days) / 39 GB
thats down from...
9263 songs 590:30:42 (24.58 days) / 42GB


i deleted all the extras and doubles and some of the shit i dont listen to...

[Anthem Song Part 2 - Blink-182]

way to not tell me about lunch at marathon..

man...i hate it when you tell a friend something in confidence, and then they go and tell only one other person because its "only one other person, it wont matter." they do the same and so on, and then every fucking person that doesnt need to know, now knows. and its even worse when i hear everyone talking about everyone behind their backs. i cant wait to get the fuck out of high school. most of the people suck

[Burning Years - Story Of The Year]

i cant wait until i graduate so i dont have to see all the worthless people that still go there.

oh shit! did i mention how much i loove dane cook?!

[Dane Cook]

you have got to check this out!! this is the most insane looking bass i have ever seen! http://www.ritter-basses.com/ritter-basses-baesse/ritter-basses-jupiter.htm
haha...and i want it

i thought about it...and i really do have it all. my life right now is going so amazingly well. im loving it. im so happy. there's always stuff to be dealt with and i will deal with it *slash* figure it out when i get there. im having too much fun with life. my whole college career is paid for...either school i go to. im so lucky.
on another note. its interesting seeing people follow my exact footsteps from two years ago. bitching about the monotony of days, scarred by heartbreak, wanting to be alone. sound tracks to life. of course ive alwasy had a soundtrack to my life, since i was little. but i wish i could offer some advice of some sort. but there's nothing that will help. i did it on my own. so i dont know. seems like you need to change. your current attitude is lethal, and it must be overcome. its no way to live. if you want IM me and we'll talk about it.

other news, if you (someone in specific) read this, i did it because i missed the feeling of really doing it. really holding on. haha and its funny. no one has any idea of what im talking about.
but yeah, im living life to the fullest. got so much shit planned. jazz course at UMD over the summer (theyre paying for it, $2000), five day bike trip down the 185 mile C&O Canal with the UMD TENTS program, and canoe trip with andrew prolly in the Pine Barrens in New Jersey. fuck yeah. im happy. genuinely.

[In Her Bedroom - Story Of The Year]

im going through one of my little rebirths...or enlightenments...or hell industrial revolutions...shits complicated...

[Konstantine - Something Corporate]

Tre4222: oh man
Tre4222: jane doe
xpotatoassaultx: yeah
xpotatoassaultx: amaze
Tre4222:" this whole album is a fucking symphony of godlike contemperary genius composition...the movements feed into eachother seemlessly while the action continues to pulverize your aural pleasure centers. the sparatic breakdowns possess a beautiful sense of heavy rhythmic emphasis...its a gorgerous work"
Tre4222: Jane Doe, the First suite in D minor,
composed by Converge
xpotatoassaultx: hahhahaha
Tre4222: that was fun

[Jane Doe - Converge]

dude sweet. i think i have college almost all paid for now...i need to check the current fees. but fuck man that would be soo awesome...shit.

[Blood Red Summer - Coheed and Cambria]

fucking metal!!

[Holy Diver - Dio]

its one of those days where nobody's home and everyone's here but youre all alone. its one of those nights where everyone's cold, but theyre standing on ice, and its all your fault.

[Exchanging Two-Hundred - The Early November]

from the first day i knew it would end..and i knew it would end this way...its inevitable. nothing gold can stay. and nothing lasts forever...in high school anyway.

[Sidewalks - Story of the Year]

42GB 590 hours, 30minutes, 42 seconds
9263 songs

[Swallow The Knife - Story Of The Year]

so i guess im the asshole...i knew it wasnt working out....we both did...but hearing someone say "I'd be happy if I never saw you again" kinda sucks. eh. yaaaaawn...good performace..got lots of compliments and met a lot of important people...pictures taken. it was tight. fuck it. i love attention haha. i love being doted over and haveing my picture taken, being congratulated. complaisence is stupid. apathy is the most annoying thing ever. i guess thats why...

[Cold Cash and Colder Hearts - Thrice]

i should plauy guitar for new found glory..haha oh man...or a pop punk band...mixed with hardcore...itd be hot

[At Least I'm Known For Something - New Found Glory]

oh man the new 'new found glory' is soo whiney...but sooo good. damn i like them, haha guilty pleasure...kinda like berlin ;) ;) i kid i like i like.

[All Downhill From Here - New Found Glory]

man im having orgasms over the design of my new bass body..its gonna rock soooo hard....haha. oh man im a loser. damn. oh welll its fun as shit. cos im gonna get it veery soon.

[Ordinary Story - In Flames]

shiiiit nobody's online...grrr...haha though it is 12:55..oh well. so i realized that every person's door's locks have their little ideosyncracies that the people who live there know about. like only having to turn it so far. turning it the right way. we know our own, but someone else'[s is impossible because you dont know what to do. youve never been ewxperienced wiht that lock system so you have no idea. damn schema making us look dumb. or maybe its just me thats really dumb. heh. so people always have to let you out and they look at you like you're crazy because you cant open a door. its harsh. now that i really think about it, i think im juist an idiot. haha and people are looking at me miiiighty funny...heh. ok time to go eat. then sleep. then....sleapt....food.

[Embody The Invisible - In Flames]

jazz is awesome...so is rap. they are both so revolutionary and its amazing!

[Charles Mingus Quintet: Haitian Fight Song- 1957 - Charles Mingus]

cos jessika said so, here's a list of the first 10 songs that came up when all my music was played on shuffle.....ok so more than 10...but dead poetic is my new favorite band..and yeah...there's 50 now...so dont read if you dont want to. but there's some awwesome music in there...and some funny stuff...heh now i need food and bed. out.


1.

[ Mr. P.C. - John Coltrane]

2.

[No Cigar - Millencolin]

3.

[Represent - Bionic Man]

4.

[Life To Lifeless - Killswitch Engage]

5.

[Episode IV - Jimmy Eat World]

6.

[How Many Say I - Van Halen]

7.

[Asleep In The Chapel - Thursday]

8.

[Don't Look Back - Boston]

9.

[soundtrack to the post:" 'let's go get chicks!' 'Yeah just like that?' 'Mike, dude, i gotta dance. what, chicks? nah nah fuck chicks dude. i want to dance.i want to express myself in the art of dance" - Dane Cook]

10.

[Crazy - Aerosmith]

11.

[The Number Song - DJ Shadow]

12.

[Hold Your Eyes - Sugar Ray]

13.

[One More Time(Feat. Romanthony - Daft Punk]

14.

[The Bleeding - Cannibal Corpse]

15.

[ machinist union - Song of Zarathustra]

16.

[Drowning - Dashboard Confessional]

17.

[The burning darkness - At The Gates]

18.

[Gotta Get Away - The Offspring]

19.

[You don't Know what love is - Eva Cassidy]

20.

[Right Thing/Gdmfsob [Clean Instrumental Version] - DJ Shadow]

21.

[Drifting - Yellowcard]

22.

[Burger King - Dane Cook]

23.

[Bury The Difference. - Dead Poetic]

24.

[Little America - R.E.M.]

25.

[Evening falls - Enya]

26.

[11th Hour - Lamb of God]

27.

[Running Three - Run Lola Run]

28.

[What Went Wrong - Dedication]

29.

[The Heretic Anthem - Slipknot]

30.

[Bulling the Jukebox - Bouncing Souls]

31.

[Ya sholsa s uma - TATU]

32.

[If I Could - Mineral]

33.

[A Dagger Through The Heart Of St. Angeles - Alexisonfire]

34.

[Moten Swing - Oscar Peterson]

35.

[Sound For Language - Hot Water Music]

36.

[Elevators (Me and You) [DNP 86 Remix] - OutKast]

37.

[the medley - Jaco Pastorius]

38.

[LSD - Public Enemy]

39.

[Around The World In A Radio Fl - Across Five Aprils]

40.

[ Chopin Prelude - Classical Guitar]

41.

[In Ashes We Lie - Grade]

42.

[Let the Cold Wind Blow - Kate Rusby]

43.

[Lucky Kid - Sheryl Crow]

44.

[Rock n Roll - Marilyn Manson]

45.

[Synchrotone - Black Hawk Down]

46.

[Jack Ass - Green Day]

47.

[99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger]

48.

[Defiance - One King Down]

49.

[Lid Flippin' - Lem Winchester]

50.

[Arlington Arms - Dead Poetic]

this house is full of ears, but i can't talk to anyone. they've heard this one a thousand times. most exciting thing i do, hang half way out a third floor window, maybe throw lit cigarettes down. and maybe i'll catch fire. something warm to hold me, something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind. all that evil shit's not hard to find. i guess i only claim to be nice. this house is full of eyes, but i can't look at anyone. they've seen this face a thousand times. most relaxing thing i do, hang half way out a third floor window, and look at rocks if i fall out. and maybe i'll fall hard. something tough to break me, something sharp to rip into my insides and bleed out all that pain. sorry i don't even know your name. i guess for me it's easy this way. maybe i'll catch fire. something warm to hold me, something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind. all that evil shit's not hard to find. i guess i only claim to be nice.

[soundtrack to the post: Maybe I'll Catch Fire - The Alkaline Trio]

back from atlanta...it was fun. too much driving. but fun. drove by the place i toured down to atlanta to play at over the summer. that was cool. now im tired as balls. sleeep.

[soundtrack to the post: Growing up (Falling Down) - Living End]

going to atlanta...be back...i think sunday night or something. out.

man i really wanted to go to prom...its the pivotal high school moment, and whereas it may seem lame, ive wanted/planned to go all through high school....and now i may not even get to go. or at least i dont want to pay $65 for an hour of crap. if its a few hours of crap then that's fine.

[soundtrack to the post: Self Revolution - Killswitch Engage]

man i hate the way people are. and i hate the way i am. fuck. its time to change something.

"I want another banjo. Sure, I own two banjos already, but the world is a sad place these days and I think extra precautions are needed." John Kavanagh

im getting tired of journals...dont know why..they just seem to much work to maintain. i know what im thinking. if you want to know. just ask. so, i guess there will be very few posts in here. so you shoould probabyl stop checking if you do. cos there will be nothing to read. i lead a very boring life.

thanks for a great birthday everyone wished me a happy birthday. and everyone who rocks. im to bed cos im tired. good birthday. finally 18. its nice.

[soundtrack to the post: Mr. Chainsaw - The Alkaline Trio]

go being 18 :)

haha this site rocks...check the URL

this one is nice too

got a scholarship for $4500/yr every year from UMD. excited....but now i dont know what im going to do....i thought i was going to catholic. oh, and my feelings of crappyness earlier disappeared after a nap, and a rediscovery of my deep love for music/bass/playing in a band. then dinner was nice, and poker was fun. then scholarship letter. weird day. went to work. left early cos i didnt really feel well. eh. tired. time for bed now.

[soundtrack to the post: Bullet in the Head - Rage Against the Machine]

why do i feel so worthless and unaccomplished...and just plain shitty. im not good enough to do anything with my life. fuck.

dum dum de dum im the only one awake....me and chrisgurl30 whoever that is. theyre on my buddy list....but i forgot who it is. hah oh well. hope you slept well babe. now time to get the bling bling as kat put it. maybe ill leave early cos i dont feel so well. like after lunch or something. by then i'll have worked 5 hours already so it'll only be 3 hours of sick leave. i have 15. 12 of annual leave. so i'll use some of that to get more bling.

sleeeeeeep cops im tired as baaaalls...and work tomorrow. at least ill have money again.

[soundtrack to the post: Giving In - Adema]

today was my first day driving by myself...it was awwwwesome. its very chill. and i can get where i need to go when i need to. its fuuun. mmm. time for shower then sleep. cos i gotta worrrk tomorrow. what fun. though i do get money.

[soundtrack to the post: Bad Medicine - Bon Jovi]

goddamnit im so fucking pissed! today just hasnt been my day. the fucking essay i wrote for black history month didnt win. not because it was a bad essay, but because it didnt mention anyhitng about jesus fucking christ or religion. thats bullshit. i mean granted it is her essay and she chooses who wins, there was nothing in the guidelines about religion. i guess there was a right answer. motherfucker. you couldnt base the decision on other ideas besides your own could you? ignorant fuck. people so caught up in their religion that they cant see past that are just sickening. im pissed because i lost, yes. but more so because i should have won...my ideas arent valid enough? fuck it. i hate this bullshit. fucking biased slut.

maaaaaan. good ol...eah...oihsdfo., oi. good times. i got some crazy shti for you to hear danny. good sht.

goddamnit!! that calculator had a three year warranty on it!! i should have gone and got it myself. i shouldnt have left it in the desk anyway. fuck. thats shit! im pissed.

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do

[soundtrack to the post: Only One - Yellowcard]

man avril lavigne is hot! haha and i know im going to get so many comments aobut this one : p

[soundtrack to the post: Straw Dog - Something Corporate]

it smells so wonderful and perfect outside...i wish it was like that in me. high school needs to end.

guh...i think im getting sick..too much stress does casue illness...or maybe im just sick. i need to go back to sleep

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

so im leaving school early. i cant deal with it anymore this week. im too tired. fuck it. im still here sitting alone. not doing anything. im too tired to do anything anyway. college perk another time soon. we need to play more pool. but right now i just feel like being alone. for a while. cant decide about school tomorrow. whatever fuck it all. fuck ap bio. fuck doing all that goddamn work. some things are better left unsaid. im scared, but ill hold here.

[soundtrack to the post: Both Guns Blazing - Bane]

why bother

so i just finished watchign "Rock Star." what an awesoem fucking movie!!! i want to play in front of a stadium full of people some day. that would rule. bassist for the 80s metal invasion bands. haha. i am going to be a rock star. i practice 5 hours a day. but there's always someone better so we'll see. i need to be big. one day. you'll see.

[soundtrack to the post: Red Right Returning - Michael Manring]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3711732023&category=4713
damn thats exactly what i want....for only $700!!! it costs $1600 new!! why cant i work now and have money to buy it...then i'll be set. sigh. maybe he can..hold it until july?? i doubt it but i will still ask. cant hurt.

[soundtrack to the post: View from Heaven - Yellowcard]

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

[soundtrack to the post: Only One - Yellowcard]

fuck it...im leaving the self pity out of this post. in fact ill leave most things out of this post. like anything of meaning

[soundtrack to the post: Red Right Returning - Michael Manring]

i like hugs...confirmation was fun. i love playing music...even if it is for a church. i saw all my old teachers and that was awesome. they swoon over me and my successes..haha its nice. i saw angelina tacconelli...only a few people will know who she is...mainly the people who went to st jerome's. she goes to roosevelt now. she has matured greatly and is very pretty. haha she had a very excited wave. and saw some old family friends. tonight was a night of old acquaintences. now im tired cos ive been playing for 2 hours...standing for 2 hours. it was good. now. i guess pizza...then crying..then sleep. so busy. tomorrow festival. busy tomorrow. oi.

[soundtrack to the post: Empty Apartment - Yellowcard]

wow...its amazing what talking can do. still not perfect but its a good start. tonight is confirmation. im playing at that so i gotta leave at like 6:30...starts at 7:30....then to roger's after that...maybe 10? i dunno. then tomorrow morning...bass lesson...forgot when..i have to be at school by 11...then playing at festival at 1. oi busy busy.

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

here's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

im trying hard to convince myself that this was the right thing to do....cos right now im not so sure...im torn...bound and broken on the floor....and a dork..

[soundtrack to the post: it's you - Michelle Branch]

its not so easy on me. not at all.

[soundtrack to the post: You Always Say Goodnight, Goodnight - Juliana Theory]

damn...the $40,000 horace mann scholarship i applied for i did not make semi-finals. i was 138 on a national level. i guess thats something...but still not helping college money situations.

[soundtrack to the post: the element of one - Killswitch Engage]

oi...shit is complicated...adn tough...

[soundtrack to the post: just barely breathing - Killswitch Engage]

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

the online journal bandwagon has been filled for sooo long...so lame...haha yet here i am being lame as usual. all three? :P thats just a tad bit unusual. i admit i have a livejournal and blogger...but my live journal is....4 years old...and i never write anymore cos i got a blogger...so much better. and blogger is 3 years old. one of these days ill just stop posting..heh. im just lazy. there's no one to share my day's happenings with except myself. im the only one i really talk to. i should change that. oh well. college is soon and a time for completely new beginnings. cant wait.

[soundtrack to the post: Life of A Salesman - Yellowcard]

well sunday afternoon there was a rehearsal for the musicians playing at the confirmation mass...my mom, the pianist, guitarist, and me. It was fun and good challenge musically. so the guitarist really liked how i played apparently because he called tonight and wanted me to play at his mass on sunday mornings. i would have been happy to. but my family would disown me. also he called and talked to my mom about it and she of course said no right off the bat without even consulting me. that was kind of annoying...really annoying. now i dont know if i want to do it or not. its a wonderful feeling that someone enjoyed my playing, playing with me, and respects me as a musician that they would like me back sometime. its amazing to know that. not to mention they are a good 40 years older than me. i need some advice. my parents totally would not want me there. and i would have to get up at like 7:30. but its playing music. and i enjoy the music aspect of it. aside from the "worshiping" side of it, or providing ministry to a priest i never particularly liked. its music. its what i love. its what i do and plan to do the rest of my life. hah. might as well be married to music. i love it in sickness and health. ok now im startign to sound crazy. just thought id bitch a bit in here. since apparently i dont do anything exciting :P.

[soundtrack to the post: Word of Mouth - Jaco Pastorius]

man i have problems...i want to get a 6-string version of the bass i have now...im so impulsive. maybe one day i could trade the one i have now in for a 6. hahah im so lame. maybe ill find one at atomic for real cheap like this one i found. haha. time to wait until summer for that venture and not telling my parents about that. its about $1600 new. so maybe i could get it for reeeeal cheap at atomic. i hoppe. haha oh man i need to get over all this. out. breakfast.

[soundtrack to the post: Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard]

damn straight!!! NHS 61, Springbrook 59. we fuckin rule!! state champs haha. i dont know why im so excited but it was awesome. painted my face blue and everything. good night. now im tired. and wondering if there's a disorder involving excess nostalgia...or maybe its just living in the past. i live too much in the past and future. its fun. i get shit done. but sometimes its just soo much fun to think about something other than the overly bland present. i need to meet some new people. or maybe im bland. hmmmmm...i really should go out and do more. so busy. time to go to sleep. laaaaaame...11:18 saturday night and im going to bed. haha. whatever i need sleep. so i am going now. enjoy.

[soundtrack to the post: One Year Six Months - Yellowcard]

weird but im going to babble...seems nice how experience is so wonderful and adventurous. the excitement from a new style, or new route...exploration "instinct" drives humans. it forces us to discover and learn. new views of your environment are wondrous. you think you know the surrounings of your home like the back of your hand. you know you all have those days where youre sitting staring through your window across the street or in the baclkyard. you do it for so long and so often that you truly know every minute detail of the outside world at every time of day. you know if something is out of place and when life through you looks right. but when you change position to somewhere whose image youve never seen from your window, you can see the brilliance of new experiences. or maybe im an creature of morbid routine. life is for experiencing the most pleasant, adn sometimes unpleasant events. its all an eexperience that adds to our own personal legacy on earth. did you do what you enjoyed? are you happy with the way you lived your life? was it to the fullest? life's goal is to reach all the points where you can then say yes to all the previous quesitons. experience makes us who we are. never go trhough life saying always and never. do what you think is dangerous. experince the thrill of something new that may be completely innocent. life is for living. and your dreams can help you live in the direction you want. all you have to do is try. no i need to believe that and we'll be good.

[soundtrack to the post: My Funny Valentine - Miles Davis]

damn intense nostalgia. and fantasy worlds. man i keep thinking about drugs. probably bad. probably not that bad. meh. i remember when i used to have so much fun with life. now it seems so bland. though the music part of it is so much fun. i just need to do more of it and play a lot more. meh. out.

[soundtrack to the post: Believe - Yellowcard]

Rationals, are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.

In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.

Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.

Rationals are very scarce, comprising as little as 5 to 10 percent of the population. But because of their drive to unlock the secrets of nature, and to develop new technologies, they have done much to shape our world.

Eysenck's Test Results

Extraversion (71%) high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, and sociable but possibly not very reflective. Neuroticism (22%) low which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional but possibly too unobservant of your feelings. Psychoticism (53%) medium which suggests you are moderately offensive, uncooperative, and rebellious.

Take Eysenck's EPQ-R based Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

my satin doll....and blondie is in the background

[soundtrack to the post: 01. Miles Davis - My Funny Valentine - Miles Davis]

grrr...no one is online when i want to talk to them. i guess thats my fault for being awake at 9:30. oh well. so much nostalgia recently. semi-depressing nostalgia. and this dashboard is going it too. stupd emo. stupid nice weather. that's what's doing it too. bleh. im hungry.

ok so its been a while. tired. maybe getting sick. but meh. today was good. had upright bass lesson and that went well. lots of practicing to do. so i was going to build a new bass...buut today at atomic i saw a gorgeous peavey cirrus 4. its soo beautiful and i played it for abotu 2 hours and man was i sold on the first note. its perfect. $1300-1600 new and i got it and a case for $850. and there isnt a thing wrong with it. what a day. its all satin finished and so smooth. sounds like a god...or godddess...i dont usually name instruments buuut these two newest basses make feel like doing so. upright - "blondie"/"blonde-bombshell". cirrus - "satin doll" because of the satin finish. mmm and i save money buying a bass i know i like and sounds good rather than building my own ($1000). its all round perfect. and im tired. so i sleep. out.

[soundtrack to the post: Birdland - Weather Report]

mm metal...

[soundtrack to the post: The Entire World Is Counting On Me, And They Don't Even Know It - Norma Jean]

ugh. no one's online. bed.

[soundtrack to the post: Constellation - Juliana Theory]

more *sigh*... it must be done. its not a whole lot of fun to play. and sounds kinda bleh. piezo pickups arent that great on electrics. but goddamn it isa gorgeous bass. soo beautiful. quilt maple top,
dual humbuckers, abalone block inlays. it was my perfect bass...just it fell short...why couldnt it just play beautifully too?? guuuh. ill just use the $1200 for something else thats more worthwhile..like adding some more money to the upright purchase that my parents cant fully afford...or the 6-string i wanted and know plays and sounds good having tried one already..or buying new pickups for my current bass...which could use some hum-cancelling. good ol stacked pickups being wired in reverse so that all hum is eliminated. bleh. its a sad day. very sad.

[soundtrack to the post: Red Top - Eva Cassidy]

*sigh* time to return my bass. it just doesnt play, sound, or feel good. so i might as well get my money back.

[soundtrack to the post: Open Letter to Duke - Charles Mingus]

got into maryland and got into drexel. now to wait to hear from catholic to see if i got in, cos i will probably be going there. good day. first bass lesson today too. so that went well. will be getting upright this weekend hopefully. i wanted the advice of my teacher and since my lesson on friday was cancelled, i had to wait to get the bass. soon though...soon.

less than jake medly
Welcome home outcasts
Because I know how you have
Felt over the years
The truth is that
Looking at me is like
Looking in the mirror
And I know how it feels
To be the best part
Of a running joke
To all of your friends

And to be on the edge of your bed
With your head buried in your hands
Wishing that everything would end
I know how it feels to be the loneliest

Welcome back outcasts
Because I've told myself
That it would be alright
Probably about a million times
Over every minute of all of my life
I know how it feels
To be so confused
That you're so far out of control

And to be on the edge of your bed
With your head buried in your hands
Wishing that everything would end
I know how it feels to be the loneliest

So you sit and wait for a sign
That the coming days will be alright
And you drink
So you can forget another night
Bruised from the blackouts
And your blood red eyes
Try to start looking
For the brighter side
Wait for a sign
Welcome home
Everything will be alright

And I know how it feels
To be the best part
Of a running joke all of your life

I've come to my senses,
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,

I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy

I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"

[soundtrack to the post: Ghosts Of You And Me - Less Than Jake]

I'm so over-dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy.

Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway

what a fucking bitch...didnt get in. got money though.

[soundtrack to the post: Elephant Man - Mastodon]

bleh...i kinda feel aimless and a bit unsure...so im going to stop this whole everything as sex thing. i dont like being so predictable. and apparently people say that im not to be believed. which is very disconcerting. so ill probably just stop talking unless i know what im talking about. i dont like being called an idiot, or dumb, or stupid, or just "oh thats trevor for you." for some reason i really dont like that. so, no more of that from me. we'll see what happens.
i wish i knew about scholarships and college acceptance. everyone else seems to be finding out except for me. i could really use the money...thought i probably wont win. bleh.
so im going to audition for the navy band. maybe ill get into that. and thatd be my job. playing music as my duty. i could be stationed in anacostia, go to school at UMD and the navy would pay for it, provided i get in. then i get $15,000/yr though if i do it, i have to stay for four years. which would be interesting, i dont know if i would want to do that for four years. though i could get training for nuclear engineering and start out at $60,000/yr after 2 yrs of training that the navy pays for...aaah too many options. life needs to be a little less complicated.

[soundtrack to the post: Televators - The Mars Volta]

new pics to come soon...if someone wants to come over so i can use their digital camera :)

from window there is a view of the same things i see everyday. but there's a certain pleasant quality to seeing the same things everyday. hearing the birds sing, feeling the brisk morning air on your face. there's something invigorating about life. seeing the dead trees adn the partially cloudy skiy, hell i sound like a weather forecaster. i see the shadows of trees cast by the early morning sun. it is good to ponder things, though not too much, as that will lead to overanalyzation and distress. i prefer to keep my mind moving. i dont want to think about my inferiority complex, or the mental block, or mindset, or my odd refusal to be proud that i am a good musician. hm life is intriguing. im back to bed.

Feb 16, 2004 1:43 A.M. HODGKINS, IL, US ARRIVAL SCAN

You Are - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows


What Brand New song are you? (Deja Entendu)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

so i have come to realize that i really like hyattsville...and walking home from school in cool weather. it makes my mind feel so good. i can wonder and think and its so nice. i like stuff...out.

good old applying for an assload of scholarships..i really hope i get some more money...and get into UMD music school...everyone says ill get in and is so sure of it. i guess i think i could, i just dont want to get my hopes up and then have them dashed to bits. sigh. i guess ill find out soon enough....my bass shguold be dooooone tomoroooow...i cant wait. soon it will be miiiiine. mwahahah....ok dinner and bio...out.

[soundtrack to the post: Bird Calls - Charles Mingus]

make money money make money money monEY!

ok so ive been busy...now i am to sleep..cos im tired, so there. i got a letter from a scholarship place today and got news that i was awarded $1000. that was very nice. and im in the running for more too. so we'll see how that goes. bass will be completed thursday (essentially tomorrow since its late tonight right now) i cant waaaaait. i seriously am not going to school the day it is supposed to arrive. i have to be here when it gets here, 1. so it doesnt get left and stolen 2. if im not here they'll take it to laurel or upper marlboro...too far to drive when my family has no time to do that. sooooo. yeah. and i can play it all day. so it will be hott!! ok bed

[soundtrack to the post: Fables of Faubus - Charles Mingus]

Ezekial 25:17
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepers the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

*gunshot*
-What the fucks happening?!!? awww shit
-aww man, I shot marvin in the face...
-why the fuck you do that?!?
-well I aint mean to it was an accident!
-aww man I seen some crazy ass shit in my time but this...
-chill out man I told you it was an accident! you prolly went over a bump or somethin..
-the car aint hit no motherfuckin bump!

Elvin Ham (( GROW THE HUGE COCK OF YOUR WIFES DREAMS )) Mon 02/02


some people have no lives

[soundtrack to the post: Just Let Me Breathe - Dream Theater]

ok kate, and everyone who is bitching at me cos im a lazy bitch and never update. here's whats going on. school. practicing bass 4-7 hours a day. my new bass is coming soon. the next week or so. i auditioned for UMD school of music on saturday. hopefully that will tunr out well. 1230 on SAT. all college apps in. i played jazz with my dad tonight. that was awesome. his PhD in musicology helps me learn music theory very well...and for free too. its building my jazz chops. now im drinking warm ginger ale (like the saves teh day song) and eating combos. so rocking. listening to...well its at the bottom...oh yeah eating LWDs too (little white doughnuts). life is pretty much good as of now. pretty darn content. aand im taking my driver's test on the 18th. so thatll be fuckin awesome.
rock. music is my life. i like it. lots..now i sleep. cos i gotta get up ass early tomorrow for computer club (yeeeah im a geek). out. hope you enjoyed my little update.

[soundtrack to the post: Goliaths Disarm Their Davids - In Flames]

I am 77% Metal Head

I was born with the mark of the beast on my forehead and an axe in my arms. I am the god of all things metal! Now if only I could get my parents to give me back my car keys.....

Take the Metal Head Test at fuali.com

I am 45% Goth

Goth ny night, normal by day. Deep in my heart I know I am evil, but not on the company's time. I do need to eat.

Take the Goth Test at fuali.com

I am 88% Emo

Holy gee whilikers... I am as emo as it gets... I will try to cheer the heck up and stop wiping my nose on my sweater...

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com

I am 62% Geek

Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.

Take the Geek Test at fuali.com

I am 67% Punk Rock

The intelligent punk. Tuff and Smart. I may be able to maintain a train of thought long enough... What the fuck was I talking about?

Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com

I am 64% Tortured Artist

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com

[soundtrack to the post: Goliaths Disarm Their Davids - In Flames]

good ol taking like 8 tests

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 50% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 78% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 78% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 78% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 46% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 46% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 46%

Take Free Enneagram Word Test

Extroverted (E) 56.41% Introverted (I) 43.59%
Intuitive (N) 55.81% Sensing (S) 44.19%
Thinking (T) 53.85% Feeling (F) 46.15%
Perceiving (P) 53.85% Judging (J) 46.15%

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

i guess i should learn not to expect anything good ever. there will always be someone better than me, and ill never be able to make it.

[soundtrack to the post: Remember - Stuart Hamm]

Congratulations, Trevor!
Your IQ score is 129

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Classic IQ test. Your IQ score is scientifically accurate; to read more about the science behind our IQ test, click here.

During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We analyzed how you did on each of those questions which reveals how your brain uniquely works.

We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test. According to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is a Visionary Philosopher.

This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

What Famous Leader Are You?

[soundtrack to the post: The Tenacity Of Genes And Dreams - Stuart Hamm]

koalabodhi (10:23:48 PM): why did i think you had perfected a new way to crap?
Tre4222 (10:24:01 PM): hahahaha
koalabodhi (10:24:16 PM): yea... i'm going to go hide from roger now.

What Classic Movie Are You?

[soundtrack to the post: Non Divine - At The Gates]

I scored a 95% on the "How PG County are you?" Quizie! What about you?

[soundtrack to the post: Déjà Voodoo - Michael Manring]

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Scale (|||||||%) results:

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 59% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||| 35% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||| 49% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 67% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 45% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 47% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 55% Your Conscious-Surface type is 2w3 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 2w1

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 70% Schizoid |||||||||||| 42% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 62% Antisocial |||||||||| 34% Borderline |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||||||| 38% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 54% Avoidant |||||||||||| 42% Dependent |||||||||||| 50% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 42%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race

Homicide-Suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for Peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered

God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All
He Fuckin' hates me

Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy

I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place

[soundtrack to the post: Disciple - Slayer]

good ol death metal..haha. im too tired to post. today was pretty good. sleeping was wonderful :) now to sleep some more

im in a very weird mood...maybe cos im really tired. i just feel strange...a bit off. dont know why. eh. i should really go to bed. bleh.

yaaaay i dont get any money for college! my parents make too much money but its all tied up in debt. the FAFSA expects us to be able to contribute $20,000 a year..hah, right.
go making too much money. so im out of the running for any need based scholarships...oh wait, thats all of them. fuck it. who needs college anyway?

so today was a great great day. i got my SAT scores...600 math and 630 verbal...im psyched! 1230. up 100 points...not taht much but i surpassed my goal of 1200. i sold one of my guitars yesterday and got $100 for it (twice the amount i paid for it) and sold some pedals and cymbals today. with some of the money, i bought new strings. piccolo bass strings are fucking awesome. theyre .050-.040-.030-.020in (E-A-D-G respectively) [normal strings are .045-.065-.085 -.105in] theyre an octave higher than normal strings and sound liek a guitar and bass playing at the same time. its magical. and i got some light gauge strings (.040-.090) and its amazing what a few thousandths of an inch will do to playability. i can play Linus and Lucy with such ease now...though that could be do to much practicing....but the strings do help. leeeets see....only three day week. score. tomorrow is the last day. time to relax and chill with you. im getting all A's again. lets see...trying to think what else is going on....im probably forgetting lots of stuff...but meh...today was positively great :) ok time for sleep...cos now i dont have to wake up at 6am. thank god. heh. java is fun but not so much fun as to waant to be at school at 7am. im crazy...and a geek..haha. out.

[soundtrack to the post: You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday]

damnit. im cant sleep. its like 2:30 and i cant sleep. this is no good. im kind of tired. but its just not working. ugh. so ill just look at basses all night. what else would i do i mean really? or maybe watching futurama! la la....sleep...i wish..i...could...have em

[soundtrack to the post: The Upwards War And Downwards - Less Than Jake]

uuugh....fuckin sore throat....woke me up at like 6:30 and i cant get back to sleep....mayebsome chloraseptic then to try again...:(

if it makes you less wrong id have to say youre lying
those dime a dozen blood red sunsets cant save you now
its time to save face and steer clear of me and you know it
cos next time i see you youre going down in the 1st
and we're all betting youll never get up again
the sky never looked so real through the trees
and i could still wish i had never met you
30 weeks of bloodshot eyes
too many nights of fights i always lost
youre too good at lying and i never had a comeback
matchbook romances are the worst
and youre easily the worst thing to happen to me
every day is a new day i wish ill hear of failure
every day i hope youve died

Fret spacing is determined by the "18 rule" (actually, it is
more like 17.817). The fret spacing is in calculated as
follows:

The distance to the first fret from the nut is calculated by
dividing the total scale length by 17.817. For a 25 1/2 in.
scale...

25.5 / 17.817 = 1.431273 (or 1.431)

That result is then subtracted from the total scale length...

25.5 - 1.431 = 24.069

That result is divided by 17.817 to get the distance from the
first fret to the second...

24.069 / 17.817 = 1.351

and so on.

[soundtrack to the post: Criminal - Fiona Apple]

well it looks like i will only be taking 4 ap tests. ap chem is the same day as ap psych soooooo i have to choose. and psych gets the...some word that escapes me..cake? eh. but yeah i know psych better than chem at the moment. maybe. i want my SAT scores so i can be done with that forever. im not taking it again. by then it will be march and thats way too long. its just one more thing to add to my plate. so i wont do it. time for me to lie in bed and worry. then practice. out.

[soundtrack to the post: A Cold Kiss - Darkest Hour]

Trevor in Penultimate Fantasy

With unprecedented grace, this breathtaking tale, set in wartorn Poland in 1940, takes a look at students, Trevor (Haley Joel Osment) and Courtney (Michelle Trachtenberg), who discover themselves deeply in love when an evil scheme is dreamed up by his neglected brother-in-law, Ryan (Daryl Sabara). The lack of storyline coherences allows ample time for you to kiss people.

Produced by ianiceboy

i never really write in here anymore. so for all of you who check this regularly, this will be a treat. lets see...ive been unusually stressed recently. but that has all passed. my audition date for UMD school of music is Jan. 31 at 2:45....which i may not have a ride to but meh. ill get there somehow. my bass is coming soon. well sorta. it will be ready Feb. 12 at the latest. so i should have it in about a month. a month too long but it will be soooo nice once it gets here. for anyone that cares its a Carvin LB70P with blue burst finish on AAAA quilt maple top, rounded body sides for a smooth sleek look, and abalone block inlays. Dual HB4 (musicman) humbuckers with piezo bridge pickups and active electronics provide a plethora of sound combinations with 3 (technically 8) pickups and 2 blend knobs, i shall never know all the sounds possible from the bass. its gorgeous ($1162.99). ok back to what im up to. i find myself praciting up to 4 hours a day for my audition and hey it pays off. i picked up a piece on monday night and can play it nearly flawlessly. its superb. im playing "Portrait of Tracy" by Jaco Pastorious, Invention #1 in C major by Bach (so awesome), my own solo piece i wrote that employs multiple voicings, and "Linus and Lucy" by Vince Guarldi arranged by Stu Hamm. I have 2 weels from tomorrow to continue working on these and i will have them perfect or as close to as humanly possible by then. oh yeah. so that was stressing....getting all my applications in even though they were after the deadline. thanks a lot to lucy's mom who pretty much got me the chance to get in. hmm so i may take a max of 5 AP tests at the end of the year. depends. im going to take Psych and Bio and English. not sure about Calc and Chem. depends on how i do and how well i review my chem. 4s all around is my goal. though, 70/119 and 40 wrong for the mutiple choice, 23/50 points in the free response = a 4 on the AP Bio. so i think i will get a 5. no doubt. hmmm yes i shoudl read more. after my audition i plan to. or read psych. i need more time to read. but i play so much music its hard to find time. being at school at 7 on tuesdays and wednesdays is going to suck but its needed. i get up at 6:45 anyway. so 6:15 wont be too bad. afterall i go to bed when you do, and usually before 10 cos im a dork and tired as shit. heh. hmmmmmmmmmmmm what else. la la. tired. time for bed. night all.

[soundtrack to the post: Veritas, Aequitas - Darkest Hour]

28.571428571428573% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

[soundtrack to the post: Bridget Jones's Diary - Renee Zellweger; Jim Broadbent; Hugh Grant; Gemma Jones; Colin Firth]

so yeah. school is a breeze. im stressed abotu this going to college thing. or really about the school of music deal. im applying to Berklee School of Music in Boston (75% of the curriculum is music though $31,000/yr). im going to apply to maryland's school of music but the deadline has passed and i dont know if they will let me apply/audition :/ ill be so disappointed if they dont. i just no decided what i want to do with my life, unfortunately its after their date. il walk it over there monday or tuesday and make them take it, or try to make them take it. itll all work out. and i wont get my bass until mid-february.. :( damn impatience



'Complete Psycho' PLEASE VOTE!!!


What Type of Lunatic are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

[soundtrack to the post: Bridget Jones's Diary - Renee Zellweger; Jim Broadbent; Hugh Grant; Gemma Jones; Colin Firth]

this was supposed to post on the 1st or second...but didnt

merry new year
mm coffee...the best part of waking up is foldgers in your cup cos your dad's too lazy to grind new beans. but it still works. lots of cream. so yes i woke up around 12...went to bed at 3ish or something. dont remember. too tired. i was falling asleep all over the place last night. mm sleep. so lets see....i never make new years resolutions, mostly because im lazy and never remember to make one. but eh. i think in general i am going to read more. i mean i finished Maus yesterday...just sat down adn read the whole thing...granted its not long at all, it was still a big step forward for me to actually sit down and read. it was fun..i think i may finish dostoevsky or that pullman book...golden compass or something. i heard it was good and its downstairs..well the whole series is..so maybe ill start taht today. i need to get my mind off my bass anyway. for those of you who dont know, which is probably very few since i have been telling countless souls, i bought a new bass the other day. its $1147 total. good old putting 10% down. so its a carvin, LB70P with blue burst finish on a quilt maple top wiht rounded body sides, musicman type humbucker in the bridge and jazz pickup, all with active electronics. abalone block inlays in the fretboard. its absolutely gorgeous. so yeah i need to keep my mind off that subject you do very well ;) oh yeah...heh i got distracted downloading shit. hm yes. so im awake. and i have plans for today. all you need to do is wake up and call me. its beena good good holiday. spectacular christmas, working has been tiring but fun, great people i work with. its been a good break. i have about 5 days total i dont have to work, its nice. but i do work most days and get money which i need. so it all works out. and. yes. i gotta do some school work thats due eventually. im too lazy to actually do any work. so ill be lazy and sit online. heh. out.